Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

I Come Undone, Oh Yes, I Do

(Song- I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin
Important bit about this song, it's basically the song I dedicate to Alex for this entire fic. It's fitting for him, so if I were you, I'd give it a listen.)

(TW: Bipolar episode, panic attack, psychiatric care facility)

Rian sat there holding onto Alex for fifteen minutes before Alex moved a little bit.
Rian caught onto it before he had a chance to look at the crowd of people surrounding him, "Hey...Look up at me, only at me okay?" He said quietly.
Alex looked up at him with the eyes of a terrified child.
"Are they gone?" He whispered, not daring to look.
Rian nodded, "They're gone Alex. I promise, they're gone. No people, no blood, they're all gone." 
"I wanna go home..." Alex hid his face against Rian's chest.
"I know. Get up with me, I'm gonna take you home right now." He stood up, carefully pulling Alex up with him. Alex kept his eyes on the ground. No blood.
He dared to look up and was met with a group of people surrounding him, but not shadow people. Still, he was scared.
"Rian..." 
Rian wrapped both arms around Alex and squeezed him a little, "I know. Ignore them okay?" 
"They have cameras."
"I know. That's because they're nosy pieces of shit. Ignore them anyway." He lead Alex out the cafeteria doors and out of the school.
"What's going to happen to me?" Alex asked as Rian helped him into the car, he felt miserable and his head was pounding. He laid his head against the cold window and closed his eyes. He felt truly and genuinely insane for the first time in a long time. He didn't like it. He felt sick with himself, he hated himself.
Rian sighed a little, "We're going to talk to your mom when we get there, okay?" He put his hand on Alex's leg while he drove, once again, another reminder to Alex that he's real. Alex put his hand on top of Rian's and traced his fingers around Rian's knuckles. 

Elise was crying when they walked through the door. Alex's instincts told him to go get her, so he did, but Isobel paused for a minute, "Sit down before you hold her. Just in case." 
Alex's stomach sank, "I...Okay." He sat down on the couch. Isobel handed Elise to him.
He held her against his chest, her little head on his shoulder. "It's okay baby...Me too...I'm having a bad day too..." He patted her back a little, snuggling her close to him, "I love you so much Elise...So much." He soothed her silently for a while until her crying stopped and Isobel handed him a bottle. He cradled her and gave her the bottle, watching her as she ate.
"Alex, honey we need to go see your psychiatrist. He made a few calls..." She said carefully.
Alex looked up at her, "What kind of calls" His voice was completely monotone now.
"Honey...You're having bad hallucinations again...He wants you to get some help okay? Just for a little bit...He'll tell us about it when we get there." She kept her voice calm, when really all she wanted to do was cry.
"You're sending me away?" Alex's heart sank to his stomach. He felt nauseous. "You can't...I can't leave Elise..."
"You aren't leaving her, you've got all of us to help. We just need to talk to your doctor first okay? We won't know what's happening until we talk to him." She said quietly, watching Alex's reaction.
"O-okay..." Alex whispered and looked back down at Elise. He'd agree to this for her and only her. After all, he can't lose his mind and still take care of his daughter, and he's all she had.


Within the hour, Peter was home to watch Elise while Isobel and Rian took Alex to his psychiatrist, Dr. Cook.
After Alex explained everything going on with him and listening to his psychiatrist's responses, there was a decision made.
"Alex, I know this is scary, but for your own health, I want you to get some help at a really nice place, okay? I know you know what an inpatient care facility is, and I know how scary that sounds, but things at home aren't helping you right now. You need your medications adjusted, and you need more one on one therapy time, okay? Can you do that?" He asked carefully.
Alex stared at the ground, then looked at Rian.
Rian put his hand on Alex's shoulder, "Its for you and Elise. Go get better. We have her." He said quietly.
Alex nodded, "How long do I have to be there?" He looked at his doctor again.
"I'll be the one overseeing your medication changes and your therapy sessions, so we'll see how that goes in the first week okay? I hope that it's only two weeks. So we'll see. They have a spot now if you want to go." He looked at Isobel.
She looked at Alex, "Sweetheart?" She put her hand on his back.
"I don't want to go....Today?" He looked at his doctor.
His doctor nodded, "You can go home and pack some things...No cell phone or computer, no shoes with shoelaces, no clothes with drawstrings, no jewelry that is sharp, no cords or keys of any sort, nothing glass...You can bring comfy clothes, some books, your own blanket, something of your daughter's if you need...Is that okay?" He handed Isobel a list of the things he couldn't and could bring.
Alex stared at the ground, feeling insane, like he'd truly lost it. He just nodded.
"Okay. I can meet you there in two hours. Would that be okay Alex?" The doctor asked, getting consent from Alex for everything.
Alex nodded.
"Can people visit me or call me?" Alex felt sick, looked terrified and felt like he was going to throw up.
His doctor nodded, "Of course Alex. There are daily visiting hours and calling hours. We'll figure those out when we get there." 
Alex nodded again.

The second they left the psychiatrist's office, Alex doubled over some bushes and threw up the very little contents of his stomach. 
Rian helped him back to the car and home.
They spent an hour packing things that were okay for him to bring. He packed Elise's stuffed giraffe, it wasn't her favorite one because he wouldn't take that from her, but it was hers. Her favorite was a small pink blanket lovey with an elephant on it.
He packed his own comforter and the clothes he was okay to bring. The facility had toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo, soap and razors, which of course could only be used under supervision. So he brought his own deodorant and that's it. 
He changed into a t shirt, a pair of sweatpants with no drawstring and a crewneck pullover with no hood, therefore no drawstring. He switched out his sneakers for some slip on Toms.
Alex spent the next half an hour crying while he held onto Elise, then left her at home to make the half hour drive with his mom and Rian to the inpatient facility. 
It was nice on the outside. Nice grassy lawn, no hospital feel. There was a chain link fence and a thing to buzz in to get into the doors, but otherwise it looked like a nice place.
Alex's stomach was still churning, though. He needed this. He'd accept it.
They buzzed in and the automatic door opened. They walked inside, Rian carrying Alex's bag and his comforter.
They checked Alex in, and soon Dr. Cook met them in the lobby. 
"Hi Alex, I'm glad you came. We're going to help you okay?" He said with a comforting smile. It helped that Alex had known this guy since he was ten years old.
He nodded silently, looking at his mom and Rian. 
"Do I have to go now?" He looked at his doctor.
"We want to get you set up in your room before it gets dark out if that's okay." Dr. Cook offered another small smile.
Alex nodded, "Can I have my phone Rian? Just real fast..." He wasn't allowed to have it here.
Rian handed his phone to him.

Alex: Jack...I miss you. I'm sorry for everything. Sorry about Elise. Sorry about what you saw today. I'm sorry. You won't hear from me for a while or see me...So. I wanted to say it. Bye.

He handed his phone back to Rian, who took it and put it in his pocket, then handed Alex his bag.
Rian gave Alex a big hug, "You're going to be okay. Once there's a schedule figured out, I'll come every day and I'll bring pictures and videos of Elise."
Alex nodded.
Isobel hugged him, "When we call, I'll put it on speaker so you can talk to her. It's going to be okay. I love you so much." She squeezed him and kissed him on the cheek.
"I love you guys too...I'm sorry." He said quietly, following the doctor back through another door that he had to use a key card to get into. Nice looking place, but tightly secured. For good reason, of course.
"So there are different parts of this facility, there is the long term which you won't be going into, it's for people who cannot take care of themselves under any circumstances. There's a general area, and that's where you'll be. It's for short term patients. There are other people in there, your age and some older, some younger. They're all safe to be around, and they're the group you'll be with during meal times and recreation times. For recreation, we have the back field, there are some basketball hoops and some other sporty things, then there's a recreation room with a TV and movies, there are some books, a computer that's monitored and a ping pong table if you like that sort of thing, and here is your room." He stopped at room 119. He opened the door and showed it to Alex. Alex stepped in and looked around. It wasn't all white, thankfully. It was painted a light blue color and it had soft carpet instead of psych ward looking linoleum. A twin bed, a window most likely made of completely shatterproof glass. A little table and a small closet with no hangers. Everything would have to be folded. Hangers are apparently a hazard. 
Alex put his bag down next to the bed and his folded blanket on the end. 
"Do I stay in here now?" He asked. 
Dr. Cook nodded, "Yeah, get your things unpacked and settle in. A nurse will come get you when it's time for dinner, you all eat in a cafeteria together, or you can have your food in here until you're ready to eat with everyone. After you eat, I'll come in and talk to you about the new medication I want to put you on. Why don't you lay down and get some rest? We'll talk about schedules and phone calls and visits after you eat." He said with a small smile.
"Does my door lock?" Alex asked, looking at the doorknob.
Dr. Cook shook his head, "Not from the inside. You'll need to find a nurse when you need to use the bathroom and they'll unlock that for you. You won't get locked in your room though ever. The outside lock is just so other patients don't come in." He offered a small smile, "I'm going to let you settle in now." He left the room.
Alex looked around the room again and sighed, taking it all in.
He unfolded his blanket and laid it on top of the blanket already on the bed. He wouldn't sleep under that one, only his. He got Elise's giraffe out, took his shoes off, pulled his hoodie off and laid down curled up, hugging Elise's stuffed animal close to his chest while he just cried.
How hadn't he paid attention to the signs? Voices? Seeing fucking bats in the cafeteria at school? Seeing a person? How had he just brushed them off like nothing? Oh yeah. Denial. 

Jack, who was now home and sitting in his room listening to music got Alex's message an hour ago now. He had no idea what to say. What did it mean?
So he texted back.

Jack: I miss you too...Why am I not going to see you or talk to you? Where are you?

No answer.

He waited another hour.

Jack: Alex...I'm calling Rian.

So he did, he found Rian's Facebook profile and messaged him.

Jack: Rian call me please. 
He attached his number.

Rian called about fifteen minutes later, "Hey Jack." His voice was sad, like he'd given up any hope he had.
"Where's Alex? What happened? He texted me saying he's not going to see me or talk to me for a while. I don't know what any of that means. What's happening?" Jack's voice on the other hand was wildly concerned.
Rian sighed, not really ready to dive into all of this, but Alex said if Jack wanted to know anything, Rian could tell him. He didn't want to ever put Jack under any pretense that what happened, and what's been happening were just one time things that would go away. They wouldn't. Alex knew that, Rian knew that, his parents knew that, and he wanted Jack to know that, especially if he ever wanted Jack to stick around in any way, shape or form, in case Jack decided to ever talk to him again. For Alex's sake, Rian told Jack every last detail. 
"Jack, think about what happened today. Put it together. Where do you think he is? Shhh..." The last part was Rian responding to Elise who was starting to fuss in his arms.
Jack sighed, "So...He's in what? A psych ward?" His voice was curious, but sad now too.
"Not exactly. He's in an inpatient care facility. His psychiatrist works there each day with patients and suggested Alex go there for help." Rian explained, "So he's going to be in there while he switches medications and gets some one on one help with his doctor." 
Jack took a minute to respond, "What even was happening today? I was really scared Rian..." 
Rian handed Elise over to Isobel and went upstairs to Alex's room.
He closed the door and sat on the bed, "He had hallucinations. He's been having them. He heard voices too. He told his doctor everything. First, he hallucinated bats flying through the cafeteria, heard voices in his head telling him to drive into a light pole, he hallucinated that his ceiling had stars on it. Then last night, he hallucinated a shadow person in the mirror that just kept staring at him. It set him off. Today he hallucinated a spider in his locker then, he saw the shadow people again, but they were on all four walls so he couldn't run away. They were dripping blood and kept walking towards him. Then they all crumpled to the ground like their bodies were broken, bleeding everywhere, one of them turned into his brother. The brother who died in a car crash when Alex begged him to go on a drive so they could hang out. He saw his brother the way he looked in the car crash. Covered in blood, broken everything, metal from the car through his chest...He was telling Alex it was his fault, that it should've been him, of course he didn't say anything in real life, that was just Alex's head telling him that. That wreck happened when Alex was ten years old, Jack. It set him off, triggered it worse than what it already was." Rian explained sadly.

"What does he have?" Was all Jack could manage to get out. His voice was choked up.
"He has manic depression, or bipolar type two. He's also got a really bad panic disorder. Put those two things together. It doesn't make for a very mentally sound person. He kept ignoring his symptoms, trying to pass them off as something else. His medication was already starting to not work for him. Then he was under all of this stress, not sleeping...And it set him off again. That's what happened Jack." Rian sighed.
"Is any of it my fault? I mean...I've been avoiding him..." Jack sat on his bed wiping his eyes. He didn't get to cry. That wasn't fair to Alex. Not at all. Not when Alex was having it worse than he ever would in his entire life.
"No Jack. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It's what happens when people have mental illnesses. It's a hard thing to understand. I know it's scary watching someone go from happy and acting totally fine to being crumbled over on the floor screaming about blood and people coming to get them. It's not something Alex can control, and it's not anything we can ever truly help him with. We can just help him cope. So don't worry about it being your fault, it's not. He's going to be alright." Rian was now comforting him, when really all he wanted to do was cry himself.
"Is he allowed to have visitors or phone calls?" Jack asked with a sniffle, wiping his eyes again, grateful that Rian couldn't see him.
"Yeah. Both. We don't know when yet." Rian replied, now laying back on Alex's bed, looking at all of his band posters and pictures from concerts he had on the wall, along with a frame of concert tickets. He even had the ticket for the movie he and Jack saw half of hanging on his cork board.
"Just...Can you ask him if he'd be okay with me coming to see him or calling him?" Jack took a deep breath. He had his movie ticket taped to his wall next to his posters. He looked at it with a little sigh. 
Rian nodded before realizing Jack wouldn't see it, "Yeah. I'll ask him. I gotta go. You have my number so you can text me now. I'm going to wait to see if Alex calls." He hung up and went back downstairs.

"Anything?" He asked Isobel, it had been a little over two hours. He wasn't sure if there would be a call yet or not.
Isobel shook her head, "Nothing yet." She sat down on the couch and watched Peter holding Elise, who was still whining but content for the most part.
Ten minutes later, the house phone rang.

Isobel answered it and put it on speaker, "Hello?" She asked.
"Hi mom..." Alex said quietly.
"Oh Alex...Sweetie how are you?" She asked as relief filled her voice, relaxing her body language. She got to hear her son. That made her happy. 
Alex's voice cracked a little, "It...It's okay...My r-room is n-nice...." His voice was high pitched as he tried to control himself.
"Honey...I'm sorry you're upset...I'm happy that your room is nice. Have you talked to Dr. Cook?" She asked.
Alex sniffled, "Y-yeah...He's p-putting me on something," He swallowed hard, "Called Symbyax...It's a mood stabilizer and antidepressant I guess....Just one pill every morning." He took a deep breath to try to control himself. "I just ate dinner too...It wasn't bad." He sniffled again.
Isobel smiled a little, "Aw, what was it?" She asked.
"It was just sandwiches with a cup of soup...They don't really let us have anything with silverware. Just in case...and when they do, it's plastic." Alex sighed, on his end, he was sitting at the little desk with the phone, playing with the phone cord, being monitored by a nurse.
It made him a little uncomfortable, but he was just going to have to get used to it.
"Is Elise awake?" He asked.
Isobel took the phone to Peter, "Hi son" He said softly.
"Hi dad." He muttered.
"Elise is right here, listen, she's making all sorts of noises." He held the phone closer to Elise, who was babbling a bit, cooing and complaining a bit too.
Alex lost it then. "Oh...Oh god..." He cried out, "I m-miss her...T-take the ph-phone away." He tried to keep it quiet.
Rian took the phone, "Hey, calm down. Relax. She's alright, she's okay with us...Zack is even gonna come over tonight and stay with me in your room. We're gonna make sure she's okay." He said calmly, "I'm out of school tomorrow so your mom and dad can work, so I've got her during the day. We're gonna switch off when we take care of her. We're gonna figure it all out Alex. Just breathe okay?" He teared up a little too.
Alex sucked in another breath, "O-okay..." He glanced back at the nurse who was signaling to him that it was time to get off. "I h-have to go...My visit times are 1 PM to 7 PM...Before that I have therapy..." He sniffled, "I love you guys. Bye." He hung up before he could hear anything else.