Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

If Anybody Tried To Take You Away

(Song- Cemetery Weather - Isles & Glaciers)

(TW- Talk of self harm and eating disorders)

Rian took care of Elise when she woke up as to not wake up Alex, and the now sleeping Jack. He'd even covered the two with a blanket. He and Elise spent time outside playing with toys and letting her feel the grass, letting her scoot around the best she could on her tummy, overall just having a fun Uncle RiRi and little Elise time. 
He brought her inside when the sun started to set and smiled at Isobel when she walked in.
Isobel looked at Alex and Jack on the couch, then at Rian.
"I take it they're doing better." She'd heard some of their fight, but with Alex and how unstable he already was a good portion of the time, she knew better than to just walk in and try to get in between. Before, it was just Alex yelling at himself so it was easier for her to just walk in and take care of her son, but now with Jack here, who she was extremely grateful for, she had to be careful. She had to talk to Alex when he came to her. Alex had clung so tightly onto Jack that her help wasn't often warranted, she was just Alex's mom, someone he could talk to, cuddle with and trust with literally everything. 
"They are." Rian confirmed while following up by telling Isobel exactly what happened at Alex's appointment, holding Elise on his hip on one arm, Elise's toys in his other arm. 
Isobel took Elise from Rian and cooed at her, making funny faces and blowing raspberries on her cheeks then kissing them, "Hello my sweet baby girl, Grammy missed you all day long. Yes I did." She smiled, laughing when Elise squealed at her and flailed her little arms around.
Alex woke up to that and sat up on Jack a little, looking down at him.
"It's alright sweetheart, go back to sleep." Isobel said softly, with a small smile. 
"What time is it?" He asked in a groggy voice.
"Around 6." She said quietly, bouncing Elise a bit, "You rest baby, you've had a long day. Rian told me what happened."
Alex nodded, "Mmkay." He mumbled, laying himself back down on Jack, hiding his face in Jack's neck again and closing his eyes.

Isobel took care of Elise's dinner, bath and bed time. She knew full well she could've woken Alex up, but what was the point? He needed the rest. He'd been such a mess for a month. She saw it and never knew how to bring it up or what to say. How do you tell your already extremely fragile child that you think he's starving himself and wondering why he suddenly isn't walking around in just shorts sometimes, as he often did when the weather is warm like it is now.
Either way, he asked for help. That's all that mattered to her, and more than anything she was grateful that now on top of Rian, her son had Jack and Zack too, although Zack likes to do his own thing more often than not. Still, he's here when he's needed and sometimes just for fun.
Rian gave Isobel a hug and headed home an hour after she'd put Elise to bed.
Tonight was Jack's last night before he took both himself and Alex to and from school then stayed at his own house.
Alex hated that. He didn't want that. He wanted Jack to stay forever.
He didn't trust himself either. He'd have to beg. He meant it when he said he was going to try really hard to other things to relieve his frustrations instead of running to the blade that was ruining his life, yet he'd started to crave so much. Like smoking cigarettes. You can go without them when you first start, the first week or so, then you start wanting more. More. More. More. Then you're hooked. You can't go without it.
He was going to try though.

Jack woke up first, looking out the window to see it totally dark outside. He glanced at Alex who was still asleep. 
"Lex...Babe." He nudged his boy a little.
Alex groaned.
"Come on babe, it's dark...Let's go upstairs." Jack turned his head to press a kiss to Alex's.
Alex smiled a tiny bit and lifted his head to look at Jack.
Jack pressed a kiss to his lips.
"Come on."
Alex scooted off of him and stood up, Jack got up next to him.
"I think I want food..." Alex said quietly, glancing towards the kitchen.
Jack nodded, "Okay, go get some. We had a long nap so I think I want a snack too." He smiled and followed Alex to the kitchen.
Alex opened the fridge and stared at his sandwich for probably way too long, then groaned and closed the fridge door.
He turned to look at Jack, "It all looks good and sounds good...I want to eat it but what the fuck is wrong with me? It's just food. I've been eating it all my life. I mean fuck, I need it to survive...But I like the way my stomach hurts too..." He sighed, feeling absolutely defeated.
Jack put down the pop tart he'd grabbed from the cupboard and pulled his love in for a hug.
"It's okay Lex. Do you like how it feels when you eat, too?" He asked while rubbing Alex's back a little.
Alex nodded, his forehead against Jack's shoulder, "Yeah...It makes me feel better." He looked up at Jack, closing his eyes when he was met with a kiss to the lips. He kissed back, then looked at that raven haired perfect man.
Jack smiled a little, "You have to choose for yourself babe. You did really good with your food today. Does your stomach hurt now?" 
Alex shook his head.
"Do you want it to hurt?"
Alex blushed and looked down, ashamed of himself. He awkwardly tapped his toes against the floor.
"Kind of..." He sighed "It feels good...It's just...It's something that I control...Not my stupid head telling me how much of a fuck up I am. Not my stupid head giving me constant migraines. Not my stupid head giving me panic attacks at every little thing that goes wrong...Me. I get to control this. I get to control the hurt. I know how crazy that sounds, but...That's just how I feel." He refused to look up again.
Jack put his hand gently under Alex's chin and guided his head up.
Alex looked at him with eyes that just screamed for help.
"So you can control this too. If control is what you want, it doesn't always have to be with pain. I love you, and no matter what you decide to do, I'm gonna be here. Okay? Don't worry about anyone else but yourself." He kissed the shorter one's forehead. 
Alex bit down on his bottom lip and nodded, "I can control it." He sighed. He mentally reminded himself of that, repeating those words in his head over and over. God he was hungry. Why did he always choose to go with something painful? Jack was right. His doctor was right. Rian was right. Why couldn't he try to control something positively? The food was one thing. He stopped eating when he felt like he'd lost complete control of himself. He could get past that longing to hurt himself that way if he just put himself in the mindset that he got to choose whatever he wanted and no one could say anything about it. The cutting though, that was harder. A lot harder. He craved it now. He was feeling so ashamed of himself and the choices he had made and all he wanted to do was do the one thing he regretted starting the most.
"I can't right now." He said quietly, leaning against the counter and staring at Jack, "You finish though, okay?" 
Jack nodded, "Okay." He finished off his pop tart, trying to not stare at Alex who's eyes were just fixated on his food. He wanted to offer him some, but Alex had literally just said not even a minute ago that he couldn't eat right now.

Alex sighed, "Fucking fuck." He grumbled after having an internal battle with himself on whether or not he should try right now. He pulled the fridge open angrily and grabbed an apple from the fruit drawer. He shut the fridge, glared down at the ground and took a bite.
Jack just raised an eyebrow at him, since he wasn't looking and all. He threw his wrapper in the trash and looked at Alex, "You wanna bring that upstairs?" He asked.
Alex shook his head and leaned against the counter, slowly taking another bite. It shouldn't be this hard. He wanted to eat. He wanted to raid that whole fucking fridge and eat everything in sight. The dilemma was losing one thing he enjoyed controlling about himself. He hated the way his body looked now, though. He was too skinny and he knew it. He never hated his body. Now he did.
He tapped his toes against the ground again as he weighed the pros and cons.
Pros: 
Full control over what pain he felt, what food he ate, when he ate it, or if he even ate at all. Most importantly the pain that he for once got to control.

Cons: 
Always starving. Body now disgusting and ugly. Always tired. No drive to do anything. 
No control over the urges to not eat in the first place, contradicting the pro of having full control.

He finished the apple. The pros and cons were even to him. Contradicting and annoying.
He threw the core in the trash and went upstairs. Jack followed behind quietly.
Alex threw his clothes off and looked at himself in the full length mirror on his closet door.
He stared at himself for a long time, while Jack just took a seat on Alex's bed and watched. 
Alex poked at his hips that were no longer pudgy, the way he'd talked about them a month ago. Now he wanted the pudge.
He dragged his fingers up his ribcage. Not bad, because you could see ribs even before he was refusing to eat. They were just a little more visible now and he hated it. 
He stared at his stomach that was flatter than before. Usually, people might like that. He didn't. He hated it. 
He stared at his face and the dark purple circles that had permanently taken residence under his eyes. His hair that still looked fine, but not as well taken care of. 
Then his eyes went down to his hips and thighs.
His once clean, nice looking hips and thighs.
The hips and thighs that were in that sexy video he'd told Jack about when they first hooked up, that Jack had still yet to see. He'd never look like that again. He did that to himself and he hated it. He hated himself for it.
Even through all that hatred, he was still longing to go into that bathroom, take that friend and enemy and do his worst to himself. 
He looked himself in the eyes again, just staring.
He loathed himself with a passion.
Doing things that only gave him a temporary release, a small, never long enough high. Nothing permanent. His demons still haunted him. Nothing had changed. Except one thing.
He'd been doing everything that he never wanted in the first place.
He used to be terrified of cutting. Now look at him. 
He used to love eating, now he was scared of it because it might take the pain away from his stupid, masochistic tendencies. 
He just wanted to feel like he'd had some sort of say in what his body did. 
This wasn't worth it though.
He hated who he saw in the mirror. 

Jack sighed a little and stood up, "Lex..." He started carefully, walking towards him.
Alex shook his head, "Please...Don't touch me...Please." His voice cracked and the lump in his throat was prominent. He'd cried so much today, the last month. He hated that too.
"I love you Alex." Jack's voice was so gentle.
"How can you?" Alex questioned, those stupid, hot, salty tears making his way down his stupid cheeks, making him hate his stupid self even more.
"Because you're my Lexy." Jack inched towards him slowly, seeing if Alex would move away. He didn't.
Jack wrapped around Alex's waist from behind. Much like he did so early on in their relationship when Alex was doubting himself then, too.
Alex cringed a little, "D-don't" He whispered out, but leaned his back against Jack anyway.
Jack rested his chin on Alex's shoulder and looked at his love in the mirror. 
"You, Alex, are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Stop looking at the things you don't like for just a moment, and listen to me. Just listen to my words. Even if you need to close your eyes to do it."
Alex closed his eyes.
"Your body, it's beautiful to me. It always has been, and it always will be. In my eyes, and in my heart, you're like a priceless work of art that I am so lucky to have gotten my hands on. You're mine, and that makes me so happy each and every single day. Your eyes, my god Alex. The beautiful brown with little green spots in there...They're perfect." Keeping one arm around Alex's waist, he traced his index finger up Alex's body, over his flat stomach and his ribs, his collarbones and up to his lips. He gently ran his finger over Alex's bottom lip, "Your lips are so soft, and so easy to kiss, so easy to get lost in. So magical that I lose my train of thought when I'm kissing you, I forget what my name is, what the sky looks like, what anything around me is, because all I see and feel is you." He ran his finger down Alex's jawline, then buried his face in his neck, "You're so, so warm and you always smell good from that cologne you always wear, but it's your smell. You make it smell different, it's yours and uniquely yours. It comforts me." He used all of his fingers to run them through Alex's hair, "And your hair, it's so soft and your shampoo that smells like strawberries, it's my favorite thing to smell when your head is on my chest and I'm just holding you." He kissed Alex's temple, then ran his hand down Alex's thigh. Alex's heart rate picked up, "Your thighs are so perfect Alex, always so soft and absolutely beautiful. I love your legs." He said softly, "Now open your eyes."
Alex opened his eyes and looked at himself again.
"You might not see what I see, or feel what I feel in that mirror, but that's what I see and that's what I feel. Nobody else has ever made me feel the way you do, Alex. No one. So you have things that you want to work on, and that's okay. No matter what though, I am so in love with you." He got in front of Alex, knelt down and kissed every cut on his hips and down his thighs. That's when Alex lost it and the tears really started coming, like his lungs were closing in on him. 
Jack kissed them all. Every last one. He stood up, cupped his hands on Alex's cheeks gently, "Baby, look at me." He whispered.
Alex looked at him through blurry, stinging eyes.
"I love you so much." He pressed a gentle kiss to Alex's lips, which was returned shakily.

"Now come here." Jack picked Alex up and carried him to bed. He sat down and held that caramel haired beauty on his lap, both arms around him.
"Lay your head on my chest, listen to my heartbeat while I talk to you." Jack rubbed Alex's back. 
Alex sniffled and did as he was told. 
Jack laid back a little.
"Your voice, when you talk to me it sounds like velvet. When you sing, it's like every thought is erased from my mind and I'm just listening to you. It's not gravity or anything else keeping me grounded, it's you. It's the comfort your voice brings me. The way you write, what things you share with me, they're pure poetry...Your laugh...My god Alex. Your laugh...It just, it gives me butterflies in my stomach and it's a sound that I never want to live without. Your smile, that's my favorite thing. The way your mouth is always just a little crooked, that perfect...Flawless crooked smile...It makes my heart race, and I just want to see more. Your sleepy smile in the morning, or when you wake up from a nap...I fall in love with you more and more each time I see it. Your heartbeat...I can feel it when we're chest to chest, and when I've got my head on you, it's like music to me. The way you're so just...So loving to everyone, Elise...Me...Rian...Zack...Your mom...Your dad...All of us. You are so selfless, and you are such a bright light in my eyes. Whenever I'm feeling down, I don't even have to say a word about it, because I see you and everything is okay again...I never want to let that go. I never want to let you go. If I could spend my entire life just holding you the way that I am now...I'd be happy forever. There is nowhere that you could ever go that I wouldn't follow every step of the way. I am always right here, my beautiful, sweet love. You are so, so brave and so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You may not see what I do, but that's all I see. I see all of you, everything that you dislike about yourself, everything that you like about yourself...All of that makes you even more perfect to me. You are who you are, and I fell in love with who you are, all of you. Every single part. I will never, ever, ever let you go Alex. Never. I don't know what I'd do if anything, or anyone tried to take you away from me." He pulled the blanket over them carefully, listening to the soft sounds of Alex just silently crying against him, his hand gripping tightly onto Jack's shirt. 

Alex laid there crying against Jack's shirt for a good ten minutes before he was finally able to stop. How was it that Jack could so easily make him believe every word that he'd said? He wasn't sure, but he believed it. All of it. Jack's voice made him relax. Soon, he just laid there against Jack's chest, eyes closed. Even with the blanket, he shivered a little since he was still in just underwear.
"Come on." Jack said quietly, lifting Alex off of him. Alex looked up at him.
Jack took his hands, picked him up and lead him into the bathroom. He turned the bath on, waiting for the water to get warm before flipping the stopper. 
Alex looked at him curiously.
Jack took his clothes off and looked at Alex's underwear, then at Alex.
Alex nodded.
Jack pulled Alex's underwear down, then stepped into the tub. He took both of Alex's hands again and held them as the caramel haired boy stepped in.
Jack spread his legs. Alex sat down between them and laid his back against Jack's chest, watching the water come out of the spout.
When the tub was full, Jack sat up just long enough to turn the water off, then laid back again.
"I love you so much Alex. So much." He got his hands wet and rubbed them on Alex's arms, leaving goosebumps on the boy's arms once the water started to dry. 

They laid in the tub in silence. Alex had turned slightly on his side, just enough to be able to hear Jack's heartbeat again. It was keeping him grounded. 
The water went cold and the two stepped out. Leaving their clothes on the floor after they dried off, Jack lifted Alex up bridal style again.
Alex didn't mind, he just nestled his face against Jack's warm skin.
Jack sat Alex on the bed, went to the closet and got both of them new underwear, sweats and shirts.
He got himself dressed first, then walked over to Alex, knelt down and looked up at him with a small smile. Alex returned a little, crooked smile at him.
Jack pulled Alex's underwear and sweats on him, with little help from Alex, then got his shirt on him. 
Something about taking pure care of Alex this way made him happy. He wanted to be able to take care of him forever, in any way he needed.
"It's not late and we slept for a while...You just wanna cuddle and watch something?" Jack crawled into bed, held his arms out and smiled when Alex curled against him. He pulled the blanket up over them and held his boy close.
"We can watch something..." Alex said quietly.
Jack kissed his head, "It's up to you."
Alex handed Jack the controller for his xbox, "Put on that documentary about space." He pointed at it. 
Jack smiled and put the documentary on. He wasn't so keen on documentaries, but whatever Alex wanted, Alex was going to get it.