Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

Stay With Me Tonight

(Song- Don't Make A Sound- Transit)

(TW; talk of suicide attempt, mental health, the same as almost every chapter.)

"What we're going to do is put you on an inpatient stay here for a few days, Alex. I'll be here, and I'm going to raise the dose of both of your medications. I think that apart from what just happened, you're on the right track. We just need to get that dosing correct." Dr. Cook told him after they'd moved him into the psychiatric floor.
Alex hated his life so fucking much. So. So much.

Alex stared at his doctor with sad eyes, "We are going to get this right, right? Because I'm done being this way...I'm done fucking up everything over things I can't help. I'm done. I have to get better. There isn't another choice. I almost killed myself and I don't remember any of it. None at all." Alex wiped his eyes with his unbroken hand. 
They were putting temporary casts on him today. His leg gets a cast that goes above the knee because his patella got fractured when he shattered his fibula. His wrist got a normal cast. He still didn't like it. His fingers were red and swollen. All of him was uncomfortable.
Dr. Cook nodded, "We'll get you there Alex. We've only been working together for about a decade. We always get you there. I need you to start telling me though, the second you feel off. I don't ever expect your panic attacks and bouts of depression to stop, you know that, but I do expect them to not be so frequent. I expect you to not ever get into such a bad manic state like this. Hypomania, I expect, but that's nothing too debilitating to your life. At least not the way you've ever presented as. You're going to be okay." Dr. Cook offered Alex a small smile before getting up, "I'll be back in the morning to watch you take your new dose of your medications, okay?" He looked at Alex with a sympathetic look. He was pretty attached to Alex. He watched him grow up.
Alex nodded, "Why do you have to watch me? I thought they do that up here themselves with a nurse or something." He looked around the room. He was so uncomfortable.
"Yeah well you're my special patient. I want to watch your progress myself. So I'll be making hospital calls for you. You need to rest a while. I told them that I recommend visitors for you, so your mom went home to handle some things with Rian, but Jack is here of course. He'll be up as soon as I give him the okay to be." Dr. Cook offered him one more smile before leaving the room.
His mom and Rian were cleaning up all of the blood. 

Alex laid back against his pillow, "Fuck." He whispered out. Life was about to get complicated real quick and he hated that.
He closed his eyes and didn't bother opening them when there was a small knock on the door.
Jack walked in, leaving the door open as requested so staff could make sure that he wasn't trying to assist Alex in hurting himself or anything like that.
Jack sat on the edge of Alex's bed, "Hey babe." He said with a small smile, leaning down to kiss Alex's lips.
Alex kissed him back, not caring about the fact that it hurt. 
He opened his eyes and smiled a little.
"Hi." He looked up at the ceiling, about to break down in tears honestly.
"Hey, you're okay. Come here. Lift up your arm, I don't want to hit your wrist." Jack lifted Alex the tiniest bit to scoot him over, then crawled into bed with him. Alex put his arm back down when Jack was in there safely. 
Jack wrapped his arms around Alex. Alex rested against Jack's chest. He needed this so bad. He needed to cry. He needed to scream. He was afraid to scream here though, so instead he just let his emotions take over as he crumbled against Jack and cried it out.
Jack just held him the entire time, "You're alright here, love. You're safe." 
Alex sniffled after crying as much as he could, "I'm not okay." He reached up to wipe his tears.
"No, baby you're not, but we're going to get you back in a good, safe place okay?" He kissed Alex's head.
Alex nodded, "I hope so...I can't live like this anymore Jack. I can't. I feel like a disappointment, a failure, a piece of shit, a fucking psychopath...I just...I'd welcome the hallucinations and the voices more often than I'd welcome ever losing myself so much again...I tried to actually kill myself and I don't know anything about it. I don't remember anything about it. I can't even think of what I might have done apart from the obvious...Jack I can't live like that. I don't care if they have to pump me with every drug available...I can't do this." His voice shook as he spoke, filled with anxiety. For once, he terrified himself. He'd gotten so used to the hallucinations, the voices, the depression, the long moments of happiness that eventually got drowned out by depressive episodes and manic behavior, but he wasn't used to this. This was the first time he almost succeeded in ridding himself of the world and that terrified him more than anything else. 
Jack nodded, "I know Lexy, I know. I've got you okay?" He kissed Alex's head again.
"Don't leave me Jack....Please don't...God I know I'm so fucked up, and I know I never seemed that way until now...I know I went three years looking like the happiest person in front of you and the whole school, I know that I never let on what was happening...I was good...I was medicated...And it's all falling apart now and you're going to leave me and I can't handle it...Please don't leave me." He begged, looking up at Jack.
Jack kissed the tip of Alex's nose, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise you. I meant what I told you earlier. I'm not leaving you. That would be the worst thing for me, just like it would be one of the worst things for you. I'm not going anywhere." 

Alex sat there silently for a while until he was brought dinner. 
Gross hospital food. He looked at Jack with a miserable expression. "I want real food." He said as he pushed the sad excuse for mashed potatoes on the plate.
Jack smiled a little, "I'll ask if I can bring you some real food for breakfast." 
Alex's eyes went wide, "You're leaving?" 
Jack gave him a sad look, "I have to, I can't stay all night. I'll be back first thing in the morning though. I'll ask them if I can bring you something good." 
Alex pushed his plate away and nodded. 
"You need to eat babe." Jack said gently, pulling the plate back.
Alex shook his head, tears in his eyes again. He looked away.
"Lexy, I'm sorry I have to leave, I wish I didn't. Still, the place has rules." Jack sighed.

That night sucked. It was awful.
Alex starts day one of three days.


(May 27th)

Jack held true to his promise to be here day and night until he couldn't be.
Rian and Isobel too, of course. Rian especially, since Isobel had Elise.
Alex started his higher dose. 
He started brand new sessions with Dr. Cook while in the hospital.

(May 28th)

Alex was getting restless. He wanted to go home. His arm and leg hurt. His cuts hurt. He had to wait for the one on his wrist to heal better before he could even get a temporary cast on his wrist, so he had to be extra careful.
Whatever pain meds they had him on felt great, though. Except when he took any of them home, his mom, dad or someone had to watch him take them, same with his medications. He wasn't trusted to be around pills. 
He was sure his bathroom had been ridden of anything sharp. He was used to that. It happened last time when he was at the inpatient facility, too. 
Plus the fact that he couldn't really use his left hand for anyone meant he'd probably ask someone to shave his face for him anyway. 
Peter came today, crying because he wasn't there, and crying because he didn't have much time to ever be fully around anyway because of how demanding his job was and how important making business meetings were. He'd be at one in Chicago next week for a week and he felt awful for it.

Jack basically had to go to his house to clean it daily, since that's the only punishment Joyce could think up. She wasn't about to take her son away from his boyfriend who clearly needed him around. She'd punish him harder later, once Alex was more stable. If that ever happened. She didn't know what to think anymore. She cared a lot about Alex, but she worried about what her son had gotten himself into. Still, she couldn't choose or dictate who her son loved. That wasn't right and she knew that. She fell in love with Jack's dad when she was 15 years old. Who was she to take that away from her son, no matter the situation?

(May 29th)
Alex got to go home today.
He had to come back for new xrays on his leg and wrist to make sure the bones weren't shifting in the temporary cast. In two days, he'd likely get the permanent cast on his leg, and they'd take the temporary cast off his wrist off to check the cut to determine if it was safe to put a permanent one on it. 

He hated getting wheeled out. It was embarrassing. Even worse when he made Jack and Rian help him get dressed. 
It was even worse than that when Jack and Rian had to practically carry him upstairs since he wasn't about to use his one crutch to try to get up the stairs. That was a no go.
Jack and Rian got him on his bed with his leg and wrist propped up. 
Alex sighed, "Sorry guys." He mumbled. Jack smiled, "You're good. We got you."
"I have to go help my mom out too, so Jack you okay to help him?" Rian asked.
Jack nodded, "So long as he's got the crutch and I can support him, we're good." 
Alex only got one crutch, since he couldn't hold one with his left hand.

Alex spent the day napping on and off, until Isobel brought his night time dose, his pain killers and some dinner.
Alex was excited for real food. Jack had tried to bring him food in the hospital, but they told him no. So that sucked. The only hospital food that was okay was ironically the meatloaf. Which usually sucked anywhere. Whoever made that down in the kitchens knew what they were doing. It wasn't great, but it wasn't awful either. Edible.
He sat up against his pillows and practically devoured the roast chicken and vegetables that his mom made. Forget the stomach pain. He wanted food. Badly. Edible, delicious food.
Jack smiled as he finished his off too, "Your moms a good cook." 
Alex smiled back, "I know. I wanna cook you a really nice meal. I'm pretty okay at cooking too." He drank the rest of the water he had and put the glass on the table, then watched as Jack took the dishes and put them on his table to bring downstairs later.
"Jack...Kiss me. I miss you." Alex bit his now almost healed lip.
Jack smirked a little, "You get back from the hospital and the first things you want to do are eat and make out?" He asked with an eyebrow raised.
"Shut the fuck up and kiss me. I can't really scoot closer to you so you have to come to me. Don't make me beg." Alex pouted.
"I like when you beg though." Jack scooted only centimeters closer, teasing him.
Alex whined a little, "It's not like we can do much more than make out or like maybe other stuff, so damn it just kiss me!" He glared.
Jack laughed, scooted closer to Alex, put an arm around him, leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips, smiling into the kiss when Alex basically shoved his tongue into his mouth.
They made out for a good five minutes, but Jack put a stop to it before it got to be too much.
"Wait til you're at least permanently casted and a little more healed, then we'll do more. I promise." Jack laughed at Alex's glare and his pout.
"Fine." Alex muttered. 

The rest of their night was spent with Alex clinging onto Jack, happy to be able to sleep with him again. 
Things had to get better, right? 
He'd hit his rock bottom, his lowest low.
It could only go up from here.
There wasn't another option for him, honestly. 
"Put on Transit." Alex said quietly, his head against Jack's chest, staring up at the ceiling.
The room was dark and quiet now, it was nearing midnight and Alex wanted to sleep, but he just couldn't. He wanted to sing. 
"What song?" Jack asked as he scrolled through his phone to get to Transit on his apple music.
"Don't Make A Sound." Alex requested, still staring at the ceiling.
Jack pressed play and closed his eyes, ready to just listen to Alex do his thing.
Alex closed his eyes and started singing along to the song.

'Whatever happened to all those little lies?

Whatever happened to all your little lies?
Whatever happened to all those little lies?
You wrapped yourself too tight this time
Whatever happened to all your little lies?
They cover you up and now you're screaming at the sky
Who asked to be born and who wants to die?
What are we other than ships just passing in the night?

Stay with me tonight
I won't make a sound
Won't you stay with me tonight?
I won't make a sound

Whatever happened to all those little lies?
You wrapped yourself too tight this time
Whatever happened to all your little lies?
They cover you up and now you're screaming at the sky
Whatever happened to all those little lies?
You wrapped yourself too tight this time
Whatever happened to all your little lies?
They cover you up and now you're screaming at the sky
Who asked to be born and who wants to die?
What are we other than ships just passing in the night?

Stay with me tonight
I won't make a sound
Won't you stay with me tonight?
I won't make a sound
Stay with me tonight
I won't make a sound
Won't you stay with me tonight?
I won't make a sound

Whatever happened to all those little lies?
Whatever happened to all your little lies?

Stay with me tonight
I won't make a sound
Won't you stay with me tonight?
I won't make a sound

You fed them til they grew
And then they covered up the best of you
They covered up the best you
So don't make a sound'

"I love you." Jack turned his head to look at Alex.
Alex looked back at him with a small smile, "I love you too."