Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

Ghosts Of My Past And Their Skeletons

(Song- Hero/Heroine - Boys Like Girls)
(TW: Talk of self harm, mild panic attack)
(Week 2 of Feb)

Alex was on his last day here. His mom was picking him up at 2 PM, after his final therapy session.
William had been hanging out with him everyday, which only solidified Dr. Cook's assessment that Alex would be okay to go home. The fact that he was able to open up and help someone else was a good thing.
He made sure that William got comfortable with Kylie too, so he didn't feel much guilt in leaving. He wanted to get home to Elise more than anything. She was coming with Isobel to pick him up.
Alex packed up all of his things after returning to his room from his final session, folded up his comforter and looked around the now empty room one last time, "Thanks for your help." He said quietly before making his way with a nurse down to the lobby.
Isobel smiled at him, "Hi honey" She gave him a hug. He hugged back and smiled nervously. It was sinking in that he was going home now, the place that held a lot of panic attacks and breakdowns. 
He smiled at Elise in her carseat that was now on the ground while Isobel signed the many many forms she needed to.
Alex bent down in front of her and smiled, "Hi my love. Daddy's coming home...I'm finally coming home and I missed you so so much. I get to see Uncle Ri Ri and Uncle Zacky too, huh? Have they been taking good care of you?" He cooed at her, watching her excitedly kick her feet and grin at him, letting out sweet little noises.
He kissed her cheek and traded the comforter in his other arm with Isobel, taking the carseat instead.

Elise cried the entire way home, she didn't like being in the car for too long, so Alex sang to her a bit, which helped here and there.
He walked through his familiar front door, looking around nervously although nothing had changed.
Rian smiled at him, Zack sitting next to him.
"Hey Alex." Rian got up, took Alex's bag and put it down, "Can I hug you?" He asked, seeing the nervousness on Alex's face.
Alex nodded and hugged Rian tightly, his best friend was the most comforting person to him.
Rian squeezed back just as tight, "I missed you." Alex sniffled a little.
Rian rubbed his back, "I missed you too, even though we saw each other every day."
"It wasn't the same." Alex pulled back and wiped his eyes.
He walked over to his dad, who was standing up from the armchair he'd been sitting in and hugged him, "I missed you dad, I'm sorry." He laid his head on his dad's shoulder, like he was a child again.
Peter hugged him tight, "Don't you be sorry. You got help, that's something to be proud of, never sorry of, okay?" He 

Alex just nodded and looked at Zack, "I'm sorry we haven't been hanging out as much recently...I'm really glad that you helped me by helping Rian and my parents with Elise...I really love you for it Zacky." He said with a little smile, going to sit next to him.
Zack wrapped an arm around Alex's shoulder and hugged him close, "Don't mention it. I missed you, and it's okay that we haven't hung out in a while. I get why, shits been rough lately." He smiled.
Alex nodded, "You can say that again..." He muttered.
Isobel handed Elise over to Alex, "She missed you the most." She said with a smile, "Your dad and I can talk with you tonight, for now you spend some time with your friends. Decompress a little." She and Peter left the room to let the boys just get back to being friends without the mess before.
Alex snuggled Elise against his chest, "What has she been up to?" He asked, looking at both Zack and Rian.
"Well, she wasn't sleeping good at night, so Zack had the idea of using one of your shirts as a blanket, like a swaddle blanket. It worked perfectly, so every day we just gave her another one of your shirts, sprayed it in some of your body spray sometimes. I've got an old video of you singing Chicago Is So Two Years Ago by Fall Out Boy, so I let her listen to that too. She calmed down with that, so just know that all of your shirts are now in the hamper because she puked on them a few times and I've had to listen to your voice, which is a good voice don't get me wrong, sing the same song over and over and over at least five times a night before she'd calm down." Rian smiled a tiny bit. It was frustrating and upsetting sometimes, but hey. It worked.
Zack laughed a little, "Yeah Rian had to leave the room a few times because he couldn't handle that song anymore. She was good overall though, pretty much perfect. She just missed her dad." He shrugged and looked at Elise who had her face almost completely buried against Alex's neck, looking like she was just breathing him in. She probably was, to be honest. Babies always know their parents. 

Alex glanced down at her a little and rubbed her back, "I missed her too. Sorry you had to listen to that a million times Ri. It's not even my best cover." He smirked.
Rian laughed, "By no means is it your best cover. If you're doing fall out boy, I like when you cover Sugar, but of course I didn't have a video of that." 
Alex laughed a little, "Did you look on my ipad? Because it's full of covers. I have at least 45 videos of me recording covers with my guitar and all." 
Rian glared, "No! Why the hell didn't you tell me!" 
"You didn't ask." Alex shrugged, which made Zack laugh.
Zack looked at Alex after a moment, "Have you talked to Jack since the visit?" He asked curiously. Rian had filled him in on the Jack situation, since he hadn't witnessed it. 
Alex nodded, "Yeah, we talked on the phone a few times. I guess we're going to try to work it out between us. He didn't visit again because he wanted me to keep my daily visits with Rian and my visits with my mom and Elise." He looked at Rian, "Speaking of, where's my phone? I want it back." 
"It's in your bedside table drawer next to your stash of condoms and your lube and I think it's a buttplug but I'm not sure." He grinned.
Alex just smacked him, "Rian! You dick! Oh my god." He turned bright red, because that's exactly what it was. A vibrating purple buttplug. Thank god his other toys were well hidden. That one was only in his drawer because he loved it so much.
Zack was nearly on the floor laughing with tears running down his cheeks, "That was a fun sight. Rian looked like he was going to pass out." He managed to get out in between his laughter.

Alex glared, got up and went upstairs and got his phone. He brought it back downstairs and turned it on. He sat down in between Rian and Zack again, then shooshed Elise again, who was angry that Alex moved and began whining. Apart from that, she was just nearly silent with her dad. That made Alex a little sad that he'd been away from her for so long, despite the fact that he needed to be, and she reacted like this. In all fairness, he kind of wanted to just go upstairs and lay with her too.
"Hey Alex, Zack and I are gonna dip okay? I'm gonna go see Aubree and he's gonna go see his friends, we can come back tonight if you want or tomorrow." Rian smiled and got up with Zack.
Alex got up again and one handedly hugged them both, "I'll let you know" He smiled a little.
"Alright, welcome home." Zack smiled and left with Rian.

Alex spent the rest of the day mainly upstairs, then he gave Elise a bath and fed her, and held her all evening, eating dinner with her in the baby carrier strapped to his chest because she fussed and cried each time he tried to put her down for even a moment. She clearly missed her dad.
Alex was sitting cross-legged on his bed facing Elise, Elise in her little Boppy pillow, able to stare at Alex and have her feet touching his legs while he tickled her, making her laugh that sweet little just-figuring-out how to laugh when his parents came upstairs.
He looked at them and sighed a little. 
"Hey, can we talk?" Isobel asked, with a gentle look on her face.
Alex nodded, "I guess so." His stomach was in knots. He knew he wasn't in trouble for needing to go get help, but he also felt like he was at the same time.
"Honey don't get anxious, it's not bad or anything. We just want to know how you're feeling right now? We don't know everything that went on." She said gently, sitting on his desk chair while Peter listened quietly, standing in the doorway.
Alex looked down, then back up at his mom "I feel okay...The voices are still there...It's easier to block them out now...They kind of just sound like background noise until they get mad...The angry one is the worst..." He turned red, choking up a little and feeling embarrassed. He knew he had to give his medication more time to see if it would possibly dull the voices even more, to the point of where they remained background noise, but both he and Dr. Cook didn't have high hopes for that, nor getting rid of the hallucinations quickly. When everything happened the way it did, when that breakdown got triggered, it opened up a new part of Alex's mental illness that hadn't come out before. That was going to be hard to come back down from, even if they put him on six different medications. He wiped his eyes quickly, "The hallucinations aren't bad...But we don't think they'll go away...Just not bad...They aren't really scary all the time, sometimes, I had a scary one three days ago...I'm not having any right now but before I left, I was in group therapy and the wall is green, so there were trees on the walls...In my room, they have that popcorn soft ceiling stuff and I saw a road map...It's just little things that aren't scary mostly, but still...They are hallucinations. We all know the panic attacks won't ever go away... Dr. Cook probably already told you guys this, but at one of our sessions, he told me he thinks that when my big breakdown got triggered because of all the stress, exhaustion and my old meds not working, it made everything I already had going on worse...So I shouldn't expect the hallucinations to stop or the voices to go away anytime soon...Sometimes I still have to feel things to make sure they're really there...People are a little better now, but when Jack visited, I had to touch him anyway to make sure that he was real..." 

Peter walked over to Alex and sat next to him on the bed, putting his hand on his back.
"That's okay, as long as they aren't always scary to you. If they aren't scary, and if they don't put you in dangerous situations, they're okay and we'll get through all of them okay. Just be open with us. If you need to touch things to make sure they're real, then that's okay too. Touch away. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, son. You didn't choose to go through this, and you can't help it when things go bad. People all over the world have things go bad all the time, in all different sorts of ways. At the end of the day, we're all people with our own issues that make things feel awful, that make us feel awful. It's okay. Don't be ashamed of who you are, because you, my sweet, perfect boy, are a wonderful person." He saw Alex trembling with tears streaking down his cheeks, so he pulled Alex into a tight hug against him.
Alex held onto his dad, hid his face in his shoulder and cried for a little bit, Peter just rubbing his back, "I love you so much son." He said quietly, glancing at Isobel who had tears running down her cheeks too, but she wiped them away. Alex didn't need to see that right now.
Alex sniffled and pulled away after a minute, "I love you too." His voice was thick from crying. 
He coughed a little to get it back to normal. 
Isobel smiled a tiny bit at her son, "You're safe and your dad is right, just be open with us and do what you have to do. Tell us or anyone you're with if you see or hear things that are unsafe or dangerous, okay? That way we can all help you. Rian is so good at helping you." She smiled a little wider when Alex smiled at her mentioning Rian.
"Yeah...He's probably the best at talking me down." He ran his fingers through his hair, then shook it out a little, creating that messy effect he always loved so much. 
Isobel nodded, "I know. He's been very good at that since you two met... So you're feeling safe and okay right now?" She asked, earning a nod from Alex.

"Yeah...I feel sleepy. The medicine makes me sleep better at night...I haven't had any nightmares." He shrugged. "I take it once a day in the morning, but I have to take it and eat pretty quick after or it makes me sick to my stomach." 
"Okay, well I picked it up before I got you, so it's in the cupboard near the other medicines in the kitchen. Are you okay to take it each morning, or should your dad and I make sure you take it?" She felt bad asking that.
Alex felt awkward being asked, "I don't know...I didn't have an issue taking it at the place...But I mean...I heard the angry one telling me it was poison...I took it anyway and told him that it's better than the alternative....So...Maybe make sure I take it every morning...I used to forget the other one sometimes." He sighed, feeling even more awkward that he'd given his voices sexes and was thinking about names for them, just to identify them better.
Peter just rubbed his son's back a little, "We can do that. Don't worry. You'll be alright." 
"Do you want to get a shower and go to bed? We can watch her for a moment while you do. I can feed her and get her ready. She'll survive that long. You need to take care of yourself too." Isobel offered. 
Alex nodded, "Yeah...That would be really good...Thanks...Uh...You guys didn't throw out my razor right? Because I mean I never was a cutter or anything...Didn't plan on starting now...And I've kind of got a beard going that I'd like to shave off." He smiled a tiny bit.
Peter shook his head, "Everything you need is still in the bathroom, we didn't touch it. Just please don't suddenly decide to self harm yourself like that." He requested.
Alex shook his head, "It scares me. I won't. Promise." He leaned down and kissed Elise again, then went to his closet and made a face. Rian wasn't kidding. His hamper was full of just shirts.
He grabbed his favorite hoodie and sweats, some underwear and a white shirt to go under the hoodie and made his way into the bathroom.

The shower was exhilarating. Not that the showers in the facility were bad, they just weren't as good as his shower. He took a nice, really hot one, using his own shampoo that smelled better and was better for his hair than the shampoo the facility offered, he basically drowned his hair in conditioner, then after washing and standing under the hot water, he got out, wrapped his towel around his waist and got his razor and shaving cream out of his cupboard. It hit him that he was terrified to wipe the steam off the mirror. This exact mirror was the first place the shadow person was staring at him, the reason his major breakdown was so bad.
His heart started racing at the thought of possibly seeing that thing again, so he backed up against the wall again.
"DAD?!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, "DAD PLEASE!" He screamed, eyes wide, shaking, heart racing way too fast.
Peter was in there at lightning speed, unlocking the door by turning the little penny sized slot in the knob meant for unlocking it. He let himself in and put his hands on Alex's shoulders, "Hey...Hey hey...It's okay...It's alright. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." 
Alex started to sink down the wall, panicking, but Peter held onto him and instead sat him on the edge of the tub, "Okay. Breathe. Deep breath. You're alright. Tell me what's wrong." 
Alex pointed at the mirror, shaking his head quickly, "I don't wanna see it..." 
Peter sat down next to him, "See what?"
Alex stared at the foggy mirror, "The thing...The shadow person...The thing! Please...I can't wipe the steam off...I can't be the one to do it...Please...Please help me." He wrapped his arms around himself, holding himself together, taking deep breaths, doing exactly what Dr. Cook told him to do to stop the panic attack before it got any worse.
Peter nodded, "Okay, I can do that. Tell me when you're ready okay?" He stood up and got the hand towel. 
Alex chewed on his bottom lip, eyes wide. He nodded.
Peter started wiping. Alex cringed at the first few wipes, staring that mirror down, praying like hell no black shadows came creeping up.
Peter got it all wiped down and looked at Alex, "Anything?" He asked.
Alex shook his head, "N-no...Nothing." He muttered, standing up on shaky legs.
"Are you okay to finish up in here alone?" Peter watched his son carefully. He didn't expect things to be easy so soon, so he was fully prepared.
Alex nodded, "Just...Stand outside in case it comes..." He shook his head at himself as he stared at his reflection, "I wasn't scared of mirrors at the facility..." He mumbled.
Peter nodded, "Well, this mirror is different. This is one where you got scared. It's understandable. I'll be outside." He left the bathroom and stood against the wall next to the door that he'd closed but didn't latch.


Alex made it through shaving himself and dressing. He got out of the bathroom and hugged his dad, "Thanks." He said quietly, still embarrassed.
Isobel had Elise on Alex's bed, back in her Boppy pillow, all fed and in jammies.
Alex picked her up and cradled her close to him, watching her as she whined and complained, sleepy.
"Shhh...It's okay." He whispered, bouncing her a little as her grunts and whines began to turn into quiet cries that would soon explode into big ones if he didn't get her calm.
Isobel kissed Alex's cheek, "Get some sleep honey, I'll see you in the morning okay?"
Alex nodded, "Am I going to school Monday?" He asked, a pit in his stomach.
Isobel shook her head, "No honey, you're going to start back next Monday if that's okay." She offered him a small smile.
He nodded, relief washing over his face, "O-okay." He continued to rock and bounce Elise, patting her back as he cradled her. 
Peter and Isobel left Alex's room, leaving Alex to get to sleep, which he managed to do by getting her to stop crying, then swaddling her in her swaddle blanket and laying her down. He sat down next to her bassinet and sang Rainy Girl to her, watching her as she stared at him through sleepy eyes, little hands moving, legs kicking gently, and complaining little grunts leaving her mouth as she tried to fight the inevitable. When Rainy Girl was done, and she was still on the cusp of falling asleep, Alex sang the acoustic rendition of Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls very quietly and softly to her.

'It's too late baby, there's no turning around

I got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time

Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine

I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath then I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And it's so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and their skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie

You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

And I feel a weakness coming on
It never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
And I'm feeling like a newborn child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?


And I feel a weakness coming on
It never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
And I'm feeling like a newborn child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

And I feel a weakness coming on
It never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
And I'm feeling like a newborn child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded'