Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

Vanilla Twilight

(Song- Vanilla Twilight - Owl City)

(TW: Talk of self harm, suicide attempt and panic attacks)

(January 31st 2016)

Alex sat down on his bed awkwardly next to Jack.
"What's wrong?" Jack asked, looking up from his laptop curiously. He'd just been watching some youtube videos. 
Alex bit his lip, "I'm a terrible boyfriend." He mumbled.
Jack furrowed his brows, "How?" He pushed his laptop aside and scooted closer to Alex.
"Because I don't know anything about you. My therapist and I were talking about it on Friday, and he asked me to list things that I know...And all I could tell him was that you had two siblings, your dad moved to New York, I know your mom well, you like music and you're really loving and caring...But he asked what I know about you personally, not your personality, not what you like, but like...Your life. We've been with each other constantly for like a year now, and I realized that I've never met your dad. Only in passing. I've never met your sister or brother. I only know your mom because she was basically forced to come here since you wouldn't leave me....I mean how selfish can I really be, Jack?" He sighed, "I tell you that I'm in love with you, and I am...But there's this entire side to you that I haven't gotten the chance to know well at all, and I'm so sorry for that. I never wanted to be so selfish with you...You know everything about me. My life story basically, and you fell in love with all of me, but I don't know yours and that makes me a terrible, selfish boyfriend and I never wanted to be that way." He sighed.

Jack looked down as he thought about that, "What you're saying is that you're only in love with half of me?" He bit his lip.
Alex nodded, "Sort of...I'm saying that I haven't gotten the chance to know the rest of you, and I can't live with that. I say that I'm in love with all of you, but I don't even know simple things like whether or not you played little league, whether or not you took a lot of vacations as a kid, I don't know what your favorite color used to be, I only know what it is now...I don't know what your sister and brother are like, or what your dad is like...I don't know any of it Jack and it's been a year. How can I really sit here and tell you how in love with you I am while also not knowing any of that? I mean my kid looks at you like you're her parent, and you quickly adapted to that and you became her parent. Yet I don't know all of you. How fucked up is that? Honestly." He looked up at the ceiling. He really hated himself sometimes.
Jack chuckled a little.
Alex glared at him, "None of this is funny." He muttered.
Jack shook his head, "I'm not saying it's funny. I'm laughing because you're once again blaming yourself. Alex, I never talked to you about this stuff. Yeah, you should've asked, but I also could've just told you. How many nights have we been perfectly okay, talking about everything under the sun...Except anything about me? You're telling me that you're the only one wrong here? I don't even know why I didn't talk to you about it. I guess I just feel like it doesn't matter." He shrugged.

Alex just stared at him.
"It doesn't matter? Jack...Dude. Come on. Of course it matters. Look...I wanna meet your family. Can we start there? I want to know everything I can. I want to hear them tell embarrassing stories about you. I want to hear you laughing at stupid inside jokes that I don't understand, and getting the weird, jumbled version of the story behind that joke that I still probably won't understand, because no one ever does unless you were there when the inside joke happened. I want to see old pictures of you and know what you were like before high school, before I only knew you as the sarcastic, loud guy who followed me around, and then the overprotective sweet, sensitive, loving guy that you are now. I want to know everything in between. I am selfish Jack, you can admit that much."
Jack thought about it, "Yeah. You are pretty selfish a lot of the time. I know you don't mean anything by it, nothing harmful at least, but you are. I'm glad you can admit that. I'm selfish sometimes too though. I think a lot of the world is. How about this, we'll go with my mom next time she goes up to New York to see my family. We can bring Elise or you can ask your mom to watch her for the weekend if you just want to do this you and I. Until then, ask away. I'll answer anything you don't know, and I'll tell you some fun stories along the way." He smiled.
Alex nodded, smiling back a little, "Okay. Let's start there then."