Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

One More Week

(Song- Rainy Girl- Andrew McMahon)
(TW: Talk of self harm, eating disorders and mental illness)



Alex couldn't have asked for anything better during Jack's visit. They kissed a few more times, went back inside to the visiting room and snuggled on the couch. Alex didn't mean to, but while he had his head on Jack's lap, he dozed off a little. His new medication made him extra sleepy, something that may pass, or something that might help with his insomnia in the long run.
He was back in his room now, still reeling over what happened with a smile on his face.

'We're still here. Don't forget us. The poison won't shut us out.' The angry voice said, pulling Alex out of his happy thoughts.
"Please just shut up. I know you're here. You're always here. You were here before I lost my shit. You were here before the car crash. I know you're not going to leave, so just shut the fuck up okay?" He sighed.
'Not likely.'
"Then go fuck yourself while I ignore you." Alex groaned a little, laying back on his bed. He realized completely that he was talking to no one. Except the person in his head who he visualized as an angry boy with brown hair, who wears all black and is perpetually angry.

'Leave him alone, he's happy. Let him have that.' The voice who sounded like his mom spoke up. She's got blonde hair, blue eyes and usually wears pink lipstick and a black pencil skirt with a black blouse. Alex likes her. She's pretty.
"Thank you." He whispered a response to her, then squeezed his eyes shut, willing them to go back to their corner of his brain.

'I know I'm usually the quiet one, but I agree. The poison is going to make you worse.'
This voice was calm, almost sounded like Rian. Alex visualized him as a strawberry blonde with short hair, light denim jeans, a green shirt and brown eyes. He was usually nice.
"You just don't want to go away. I understand that even with the poison, you're going to stay. I'm not stupid." Alex sighed.
'So why take it?' The strawberry blonde asks.
"Because it's better to have you as background noise rather than noise like this. I like it better when you're mostly quiet. Because it's better than migraines. Because it's better than hallucinating things that aren't real, even though I still hallucinate things." He looked up at the ceiling, "This popcorn looking ceiling looks like a road map to me right now." He lifted his finger up to trace the roads and mountains he was seeing.
It was better than the scary hallucinations. He could live with this. 

'Better to just give up, Alex. You're never going to be normal.' The angry one said.
'Will you leave him alone already? He gets that we're here to stay. No medication has gotten rid of us yet. It's not poison if he doesn't see anything scary anymore. It's okay to hallucinate small things.' The blonde lady said back.
'Yeah well I still think it's a good idea to not take it.' The strawberry blonde said. 

Alex squeezed his eyes shut, "Shut up now please. Argue amongst yourselves in the back of my head where you hide. I'll listen in when I don't have such a headache. I just wanted to think about how nice it was to talk to Jack and you guys always have to ruin it, just like always. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything different. Go back to where you hide please. You can come back to yell at me later." He willed them away the best that he could, taking deep breaths in and out. Dr. Cook told him that he shouldn't entertain conversations with the voices, but sometimes it was nice to have someone or something to talk to, even when one of them is constantly degrading you and the other is trying to be calming, while the third one mostly agrees with the angry one. At least it was any sort of company.

He opened his eyes once they dulled into background noise. The ceiling didn't look like a road map anymore.
He glanced at the clock on the wall, almost time for bed call. Bed call is 8 PM, right after visiting hours end. With nothing to really do apart from read books, it really sucked.
Alex got under his blanket, curled up in a ball, closed his eyes and pictured Elise there. Elise had come with Isobel each time she visited, and of course Alex cried like a baby. He missed her so much.
He played his song to her in his head over and over again, before eventually just singing it out loud.

'Rainy girl