Restart

Chapter 18

Giovanni POV
Chapter 18
Disoriented

"I thought sneaking out would've cheered you up." I blinked at Thomas from across the table, I wouldn't say we snuck out since there were probably guards here now. Everything seemed to change the day Carnell brought us here, he really didn't want us to leave the house unless it was for school. Although I'll rather not have to go to that place anymore, I didn't think he cared though. It didn't help that I had to be in the same house as him while everything seemed to be falling apart. He barely talked to me, and I get why he's standoffish I broke up with him. But it still hurts. "I take it you and Carnell haven't spoken."

I shook my head, tears threatening to fall but I didn't want to mess this day up. I thought I'll feel better after all, didn't I do the right thing? "It's nothing."

"I'm so tired of you saying it's nothing when everyone could tell it's something." Thomas said his accent came out thick and I looked at the table, "What happened?"

Everything happened that's what. "We broke up b-but I thought I was doing the right thing." Shouldn't I feel good about it? I shouldn't miss him right? "He's in a gang...he kills people! I-I..."

We were in the same house yet he seemed so far away from me. Most times it was like I wasn't even there in his eyes as if I really left without leaving. I missed him so much but I shouldn't miss him right? What I did was the right thing to do? I shouldn't want to be with a murderer? What would that make me?

"Wait." I wiped my face and stared at Thomas who looked deep in thought for a minute. "You're saying he broke up with you? That uomo pazzo."

My eyes widened and I was confused, I didn't say that. Did he only hear certain words? "N-no I-I did." Thomas gasped really gasped as if he'd heard the craziest thing in the world. "W-what?"

"Why?"

"I-I don't know..." but didn't I? Why was I lying? Especially to the only friend I have at the moment, everything was perfect until it wasn't and I found out what he did. If I did the right thing then I should be able to tell the one person I could talk to. "I f-found out...C-Carnell maybe k-ki-killed someone."

Thomas didn't look surprised. Like at all, I guess that answers the question if he's known this entire time. "And what's the problem?" Did he not see it?! My face must have shown something because Thomas' mouth dropped open. "Oh... I guess I could see the problem." I nodded letting the conversation die down, did Thomas not think it was a problem? It should be a problem though right? "So you can't be with him because he does his job?"

My face scrunched up, who made it his job to kill anyone he wanted?

I guess I said that out loud because Thomas actually answered, "Have you thought the person he killed deserved it? Or maybe he was defending himself? And to answer your question, who made it the feds job to kill people? Why is what he's doing being judged differently on what they're doing?"

"I-I-d-didn't think o-of that." Was he angry with me? I didn't get it wasn't I doing the right thing so why was he so angry with me? "W-Why're you upset?"

Thomas sighed and I looked away from him, "Non sono. I just don't get why everyone is so quick to view any gang or member as unruly. Everyone does things for a reason Giovanni and if Carnell killed someone he had a valid reason. You know him. Did you even try to talk to him to understand before judging?"

"I-I...i thought I was doing the right thing. Do you not think I did the right thing?" Tears flowed down my face as I took every single word in and he was right. I didn't let him explain I just heard what I wanted to hear, I wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't go back though and change it, no matter how much I missed him. "H-He K-killed someone." I whispered to myself, Thomas moved so he was sitting by me and hugged me.  For a moment I didn't want to hug back the person I wanted to hug. I threw away. The one who looked at me how he looked at no other, who showed me how to love. Who made me happy with all my heart, I just needed time to think about everything but I was regretting it. I missed him so much to the point it didn't care if he killed someone for a reason or just for fun.  Yet I knew it'll always be there. In the back of my mind waiting to attack me again. "I miss him but I was doing the right thing right?"