Left and Right in the Dark - A Julian Casablancas fanfic

Chapter 23: Not the Same Anymore

Sophie's POV:

I set a timer and the pregnancy test stick on the edge of his bathroom sink before slowly walking out.

"How long does it take?" he asks as he sits on the edge of the bed, slightly swinging his legs back and forth.

"Three minutes. It says on the box," I reply.

I look at the time: Midnight.

What happened a little less than 24 hours ago between us in this room was excitement and happy love. Here we are now, the same two people in the same room, and no feeling circles us except for fear.

I sit next to Julian on the bed before lying down.

I let out a slow stream of my breath, rubbing my temples. He looks at me before falling back on the bed as well. The first few moments of us laying down together is just silent. It stays that way for about a minute before Julian suddenly speaks up.

"Soph, I'm so sorry."

"For what?" I turn to him.

"For putting you through this trauma. You shouldn't have to deal with this. You're still 16."

"I know; that's what scares me about last night. I mean, we were careful; we used protection. I don't think I'm pregnant, but you never know. Things can happen."

"Let's hope it doesn't, for our sakes." 

I nod with him in agreement.

"You haven't been feeling nauseous or anything, have you?"

"No."

"At least that's a good sign."

"But what if it does happen, though? What if I do get pregnant?"

"Then our lives will completely change, to put it simply."

"I know for sure I'm not ready to have a kid yet. Not now," I say, firmly.

"Are you saying that you would have an abortion if you, by chance, are pregnant?"

"No question about it."

"I know this might be a crazy question, and I don't mean to sound ignorant or anything, but what if you did keep it? What would happen if you actually do have a kid?"

"I wouldn't be ready at this age. Even if I gave it away or something, there would still be that thought in my head of my kid being somewhere out there in the universe. It would seriously affect me in the future. That's why I'm so firm on having an abortion if I'm pregnant right now."

"Mmm. But even that is a scary process."

I turn my body and face him. "What about you? What's your thought on kids?"

"I've always thought it would be nice to have a kid one day."

"So... what does that mean for us right now?"

"I respect your decision to have an abortion if you are pregnant. I can understand how scary it must feel for you, especially because of the circumstances of our relationship."

"But, say that I am pregnant, and I have an abortion; would you feel sad inside? Like this was a missed opportunity for you?"

"I always put the people who I love and care about first. They are more important to take care of. I'm not going to feel sad if someone makes a decision for themselves and it's different from how I personally feel. I don't want to sway your opinion at all. You have to do what you think is best for you and what you believe in."