Forever Yours || NALU

32. "it's hard to forget the person who gave you a home"

Lucy Heartfilia

Thank Mavis James wasn't here.

I couldn't sleep the entire night, images of Natsu and Lisanna together were haunting me and to make everything worse, I had stained my pillows with snot and tears resulting the room to reek of sweat.

Comparing the feeling of heartbreak from now to last year, I was a complete mess, worse than ever. "Virgo," I sobbed into my the palms of my hands, calling out my magical maid. "I need you!" I cried out, vibrations hitting my throat yelling for my emotional support.

Without another second to waste, bright lights of gold flashed next to my bed, with the pink haired celestial appearing with a small frown. "Are you alright, Princess?" She held that nonchalant tone, but her eyes shown a genuine worry for me.

Ignoring her question, I slid out of my weighted blankets and dragged myself out of bed, holding back a sob as best as I could. "Can you wash everything, and prepare some clothes for me?" Once she nodded as a confirmation, I staggered my way to the bathroom.

Right when I closed the door, I heard a familiar jingle of keys and bright lights. "I didn't call for you, Loke." I didn't have to turn to know which spirit forced their own gate to meet me. It was like Loke had a sixth sense for every time I was depressed, and of course, like the good friend he was, he came without my permission.

"Natsu again?"

I sighed defeatingly as I stared at my reflection, puffy eyes with a red nose dripping with snot, I looked pathetic. I weakly nodded my head, hiccuping my response.

"Dammit Lucy, why do you do this to yourself?" Loke cursed, stomping his way towards me and grabbing my shoulders to force my eyes to look into his. "Natsu doesn't deserve you!" He shook my shoulders aggressively as he said those words.

"But-"

He shook his head, interrupting me before I could retaliate, and scoffed. "He's not worth it, Lucy! No man is worth all the tears and heartbreak." His furrowed brows and narrowed eyes stared down into my soul. There wasn't many times i'd have a serious conversations with Loke, it would always be harmless flirting. There was no doubt that Loke cared about me, he was my celestial spirit, not to mention my former guild mate, of course he was loyal towards me.

I bit the inside of my cheeks and turned away from his eyes, refusing to look at them anymore. I smiled, "funny how a player like you is giving me love advice."

He gave an exhausted laugh, grabbing the back of my neck and gently placed my head against his chest, snaking his hand against my waist, securing me in his arms.

He was very warm surprisingly, and usually this move of his wouldn't phase me, but I could really feel as if his heart was holding onto mines, gently with caution and care.

"Enough is enough, Lucy." He whispered into my ear, running his fingers through my damp and tangled hair. "Forget about him, permanently."

I smiled bitterly, "it's hard to forget the person who gave you a home."

Every time I tried to force Natsu out of my head, he would always linger in my heart. He was the person who saved me from my days of wandering, wondering if leaving my father was a good idea. When he appeared in my life, it was like he cleared paths for me, changed me into a better person. My entire life seemed set.

Why did I have to fall in love with you?

*

I heard a small knock on the door, jolting me awake from my deep sleep. Last I remembered was falling asleep on the bathroom floor in Loke's arms, yet here I was, laying down wrapped in a warm blanket and changed into a fresh set of clothes. 

My eyes were heavy from all the crying I did a few hours ago, and my face felt sticky, also from all the crying I did a few hours ago. I had no intention of getting out of my comfortable bed, but all the tapping on my door was irritating the hell outta me. 

I dragged myself to the store and slammed it open, glaring at the woman who dared to disturb my sleep. "What do you want, Mirajane?!" My hoarse voice cracked as I spoke. 

Mirajane gasped with her eyes widened and entered my room without permission and quickly closing the door so that no one could see how outrageous I looked. "What in the world happen to you Lucy? You look like death."

"I feel it too," I rolled my eyes stomping my way back to my bed and throwing the blanket on top of me, only to be pulled out from under the sheets.

"Talk," I flinched as I heard Mirajane's demonic voice come at me with full strength, forcing me out of my tiredness state and into one out of fear. Mirajane noticed this and smiled apologetically, "oops, sorry my mood swings are a killer."

"Natsu asked me to meet with him last night..." I bit my tongue, reluctant to continue speaking. "... he never showed."

I could feel a lump form in my throat and my eyes start to prickle because of the tears that were forming. I forced out a laugh sheepishly and averted my eyes away from the silver haired beauty who was staring into my soul. "T-this doesn't make sense.. why would he--"

Before Mira could finish her sentence, I burst into a hysterical fit and clenched my knuckles, "and what hurts the most is that--" my breathing became erratic, "I-I really hoped he come!"

I couldn't help the tears that began to start streaming down my face as I continued to yell more. "I waited! and waited and waited and waited, but he never came--" 

I felt my heart shatter piece by piece as I remembered the couple together, the damn scene playing back to me as if it was burned into memory. "I feel so stupid!"

"No no, Lucy you're not stupid--"

"I had so much love for him,  a-and he just comes back to my life, to confuse me?! I was willing to drop everything I've worked so hard f-for, just to be with him. But I know now," I clenched my teeth, "I will always and only be a friend to him. A fucking second choice."

Mirajanes rose her brows in question and grabbed my wrist, "second choice? What are you talking about?"

"He was with your sister last night."

She paused as I said this, her face was shocked to hear about this news and shook her head in disbelief, "Lucy.. I think your mistaken--"

"I seen them crystal clear--"

"Maybe you should just talk to him--" I scoffed hearing this and stood up from my chair and stared at her with a disgusted face.

"Tell me you're joking? Mirajane is this a fucking joke? Are my feelings a fucking joke?!" I cried in anger, "hes with your sister, for crying out loud!"

"Lu-"

"Oh, I get it," I backed away from her glaring at the white haired woman, "you three are fucking toying with me, aren't you. Confusing me and leading me on?! Do you get a kick out of seeing me like this?!"

She shook her head, trying to reach for my arms that were flying everywhere dramatically, forcing me to look at her. "Lucy please, you're heartbroken, I understand..."

I scoffed, "you? understand?" I jerked my hand away from her. "Mirajane you're happily married, you have a baby along the way, you're living the dream you always fucking wanted!"

I dropped down to the floor, wiping all the tears that were never-ending, "when the hell... is it gonna be my turn?"