Forgive me, help me, be with me (fapezberry) {Complete}

Chapter 56

-Rachel pov-
'Today is a designated family day. The Lopez's are making cookies, Carmichael's are planting, and the Corcoran's? We are knitting. Yeah not anything fun.

Mom says it's important to know. She says she's been actually working on a special project. She says anytime I want I can learn how to sew too. I'm not too interested but I'd love to spend time with her.

Beth is just drinking juice in a walker. I'm enjoying the peace of today. The girls keep wanting to have a super serious conversation. After my meeting with Emma yesterday I want to relax. I'm also worried what the conversation will be.

I know they don't wanna split up. I just don't know what is so important. I mean we don't really have a lot of friends for a baby shower. Most of the Cheerios still don't like me.

I sigh and keep trying to knit the baby boots. I know they aren't coming out right but oh well. I at least tried something new. Plus my mom seems to be havi...she's staring at me with a raised eyebrow.

I look around and notice everyone is looking at me. Did I miss something? How long have I been in my head? Am I still in my head?'

"So next time we knit I'm putting tape over your mouth" I feel my face heat up from embarrassment as my eyes go wide "Yeah you've been talking the whole time"

"Oh" I give a shy smile to my girlfriends "Heeeeyyy!"

"Tina, Dave, Cherry, Mike, Sam, Kurt, Carol, Burt, Brittany, Sugar, and I know at least three Cheerios that actually wanna be your friend" I look away from Snixx "What's going on in that mind hon?"

"Honestly?" I look at her and she nods "I miss having one of my girlfriends to talk to because she keeps hiding behind Snixx"

"I know" Snixx sighs "I've tried everything to get her out"

Lucy just scoffs "Go figure she's hiding" I look at her confused "Twins and she's not gonna try and talk about a baby shower! She wanted the twins!"

"Hey Santana is just scared she's going to be pushed away again" I see Snixx cringe and look at me as I look at her confused "You weren't supposed to hear that"

"She's staying because of regionals when I walked away?" Snixx sighs before nodding "Alright! We are going upstairs and will be back for a whole family activity!"

I grab Snixx's hand and lead us upstairs. I lead us to the bedroom and close the door behind us. I push her onto the bed and then throw off my shirt. I see confusion speed across her face.

"Uhh" I can see the fight happening inside her "What's happening?"

"Don't you wanna do this?" I saunter towards her "I mean you've talked about wanting to be inside me"

"Yes I mean No!" Snixx starts backing away and holds her head "Stop it! You're not in a good mental place right now!"

"But I wanna play" I smirk and get closer to her "Wanna play?"

"I SAID STOP IT BERRY!" I smirk victoriously as Santana comes out "You're not ok! I wanna do this but not when you're fucked up on trauma!"

"And I want my girlfriends not to be sacred but you know what?" I step back and point to my stomach "Only Lucy and Snixx have been taking care of me! Where have you been?! You couldn't even talk to me! You took the easy way out and hid! You hid behind Snixx!"

"So what?!" Santana stands up and I see the tears fall "You think you're all high and mighty?! You ran away because of a stupid competition! You pushed me away because of a competition! So yeah I was scared! I got more scared when we couldn't find you and I blamed myself! So yeah I'm fucking scared! I'm absolutely fucking terrified that you'll leave! Yeah we made it to nationals! But I almost lost more than a damn trophy because YOU ran! I almost lost my babies! It's not just you anymore Rachel! You're five months out! You have to think about them!"

"He said you'd leave me" I slowly turn and sit on the bed "He said Lucy would stay but you...you'd leave me as soon as possible. I was scared and then when you found me I got hope! But then for what? Three days? Snixx has had to shower me in love cause guess what?! You left! And it's been eating at me cause he didn't lie...you really left me while I was broken and needed you most"

"I...I didn't even think about that" Santana sighs and sits down beside me "I love you so much..I'm going to make it up to you ok? Anything you want I'll do!"

"You're going to help me gain confidence" I look at her and see her look of confusion "We all bonded that pool day by wearing nothing...while it's not..'normal'..I think our family has made strides to show we have nothing to be ashamed off..but I still feel like a whale so..so I want you to help me convince everyone to strip down as a family and say one nice thing about the other..they have to say something nice about everyone on their turn"

"I don't know if they'll bite" I nod but Santana stands up with a hand extended "But I'll try"

I smile and take her hand. She helps me up and we walk downstairs. Once downstairs we head to where everyone is. Santana explains the plan and we wait.

Surprisingly everyone goes on board with it. I honestly didn't expect that. I smile though that they'd do this for my real lack of confidence. I soon realize I'm the only one still dressed.

"I guess it's my turn" I take a deep breath and strip down "Tada!"

"I'll start" I look at my mom "You look absolutely amazing baby girls, Santana glad your back and I love your hair, Lucy love your eyes, Fran I love your natural hair color Judy and Maribel I love everything about your bodies, and Holly...wow I'm just now seeing your body and..wow!"

"I have to agree with Shelby's assessment of Holly" Judy looks at Lucy then Fran "I've always loved how much you two look like me, Santana I love the confidence you wear everyday, Maribel you just scream amazing, and Rachel you look like the loveliest pregnant woman I've ever seen!"

We go around a few more until it stops on me "So I'm up" I take a deep breath and look at mom "Mom I've always loved your beauty and singing skill, Lucy I just love everything about you, the same about Lucy goes to Santana, Maribel I think the best thing I like about you is how much you care about family, Fran I love your hair, Judy I love how humble you are about your great voice, and Holly...I still don't know much about you and I don't wanna compliment you too much and it be weird sooo...I love your voice"

"I must say this has been fun" Holly stands up "Do we dress now?"

"Why?" Judy sits back and relaxes "It's something we used to do this all the time"

"We are doing this for Rachel to feel comfortable" I look at Santana "If you don't wanna you don't have to"

Holly gives a shrug and sits back down. We pull out some board games and start to play. We play for a while and then go on to movies. The Lopez's really know how to make good cookies.

We watch a few movies and snack out for a bit. Once it gets closer to dinner we stop and actually eat. It's cool sit at the table but nice. I really love it here.

We are all free to be ourselves here. No one is judging you for your choices. I love being here with these people. They truly are my family.

"Alright" I look at my girlfriends "We can have a baby shower if you want"

"Really?!" I nod and they smile brightly before hugging me "THANK YOU!"

After that and dinner we head back to the living room. We go into our groups and cuddle while watching movies. Emma has even come over and joined us. We didn't want Fran to feel left out.

Sure to many people this may be odd. But we aren't normal people. We also just don't care. This makes us happy and we all want the others to be happy.

So here we are naked and proud! We are watching movies and laughing! We are loving life and I feel confident in myself! I feel more loved than ever before!

So if this is wrong, don't wanna be right. Because this is my safe haven and I don't ever wanna leave it.