Shawn Mendes one shots

a blurb without a name

You recognise the calling phone number within the matter of seconds. It makes your heart drop to your gut as your throat begins to tie together. It makes it harder for you to breathe and suddenly, you feel unsteady, but it's not due to your alcohol intake. 

You walk out the kitchen where your roommates are singing along to Bruises, pouring down shots and celebrating ending 2020 on a good note. You swallow the lump in your throat and you press the green button on your phone. 

"Happy New Year." You hear at the other end. You shut your eyes when you feel the aching yank run down your spine. He's drunk, clearly. There's noise in the background and he's speaking rather slurred. 

"Why are you calling me, Shawn?" You ask him, feeling the pressure on your chest. You feel like you might be choking and therefore, you lean your back against the wall to keep your balance. 

"Because I'm thinking about you." Shawn blurs as tears begin to form in your eyes. 

You chew on your lip to prevent cries to escape your mouth, you don't want to give him that satisfaction. 

"Please stop, Shawn." You beg him, your voice cracking towards the end. "I can't take this." 

"I don't want to start 2021 without you in my life." Shawn mutters and you can hear he's choking on tears. You force air into your sore lungs to calm yourself, but it doesn't prevent the pain from spread through your veins. 

"Shawn, you're drunk." You tell him, shutting your eyes. "You don't mean it." 

"I do mean it," Shawn fires back and you can tell he's getting frustrated. "But you never listen." 

"Because you broke my heart" You yell back at him. "I let my guard down for you, Shawn. I unwalled my heart and then, you decided you didn't want me." 

Your harsh words make him silent and you feel somewhat guilty for being brutally honest with him. You know he's aching as well, he's full of regret for hurting you, you know that. 

"Please." He begs you and makes you shake your head. "Please, just..." 

"You let me get used to loving you and you let me get used to you loving me. But you're the one who left, Shawn. You didn't want to love me any longer." 

You hear his sobs through the phone and it makes you feel sick to your stomach. You slide down to sit on the floor, feeling weak and worried that your legs cannot carry your body much longer. 

"I made a mistake." Shawn finally says and feel the hurt spread to your bones. "I was a stupid, okay? And all these things started to change and I didn't know how to hold on to you." You shake your head at his words, your heart wanting to believe but your head knowing much better. 

Shawn calls once in a while. Mostly when he feels lonely or things are weighed him down. He says things, all those things you want to hear from him, but nothing ever happens. Once the alcohol wears out, once the anxiety leaves his body and he finally get some peace of mind, nothing ever happens. 

Shawn doesn't know whether or not he loves you or he just hates being alone. 

"If we never met, I would have never known what love is." 

"What we had, Shawn..." You stutter, shaking your head slightly. "It has nothing to do with love." 

"Don't you get it?" Shawn screams through the phone and your heart flickers. You hear him smash his hand into something as he swears in pain. "It's all about you. Every fucking song is about you. It's all you." 

Tears begin to slide down your face, your chest is aching and your heart is hurting. You barely manage to breathe and the lack of air makes the room spin uncomfortably. 

"Shawn..." You begin, but he interrupts you within seconds. 

"Please." He begs with a sobs and lump form in your throat. "Don't leave me." You hear him sobbing uncontrollably through the phone and you fight the urge to vomit. 

You don't want to leave him, but you will not allow yourself to be his safety-blanket. You finally know better than that, know that you deserve better than that. But that doesn't ease the pain you feel, not even the slightest bit. 

"I need you to let me go." You stutter, tears slipping down your face and dropping to the floor. "You need to set me free."