Shawn Mendes one shots

Perfectly Wrong

At first, I had been annoyed; then unbelievably sad, after that the frustration had taken over and now I felt more like an emotional yet empty train wreck.

It was currently two am and though my head was pounding and my eyes struggling to remain fully open, I had stayed up just in case he finally showed his face.

Chewing into my bottom lip, I stood from the couch I had been sitting on for the past three hours, staring into the dark as my heart sank further into my stomach.

I bended forwards, blew out the candles burning on their last breath as I collected the diploma from today and threw it carelessly into a drawer underneath Shawn's white tv screen.

I began collecting the empty glasses, bowls with chips and the dirty plates filling up the space on our dining table from having my friends and family stop by to congratulate me with finishing my master's degree.

Filling the sink with dirty dishes it began to really feel hurt inside my chest from Shawn missing out on a day as special to me as this one.

My drowsy eyes caught the skyline of Toronto from the kitchen window; I could stare at this view for hours. It was my favourite thing about the entire apartment and I was sold the very first time I saw the lights from the city at night, the clods surrounding the CN tower and how the blurry lights from the cars on the highway was sensible in the distance.

Somehow the viewed seemed calming. Peaceful even.

Leaning my back against the sink, I felt the lump in my throat as the ache spread from my chest to the rest of my heavy body. My fingers closed around the edge of the table as I tilted back my head and let my tired eyes sink in.

It was a strange situation, really. Missing someone who was never fully here; I had learnt to go on with my days without him but the memories of what used to be, made it feel like I was suffocating all over again every time he chose not to be around.

Time after time, I had convinced myself to let it go and not be too hard on Shawn – I had always accepted the importance of his career - but I had made it to a point where all he ever did was make me feel worthless. And lonely; so damn lonely.

Shawn was never really here but lately it was always by choice. Whenever he was finally home, he was either out drinking with his friends or going to parties with Toronto's A-list. He was always writing music with Geoff or visiting Matt and Meghan at their dorm and anyone but Shawn could always see my heartache so I had just kept my mouth shut about it, thinking that at some point he would notice.

I guess tonight was the last drop and I simply couldn't take it anymore. Shawn used to make loving fun; he made me see everything in colours and now, I was only seeing blind.

I shut my eyes as an uncomfortable feeling spread in my stomach and forced a lump to stick in my dry throat. Rubbing my aching temples, I suddenly heard the front door unlock as footsteps approached in the hall.

"Honey, are you still up?" Shawn called out, stumbling over his words.

I guess one pint with Matt turned into a few. I couldn't get myself to answer his calls but it didn't take him long to reach the door to the kitchen. With my back towards him, I took a deep breath feeling the ache in my sore lungs.

"Hey love." Shawn said as his hands rested on my shoulders. I shrugged him off seconds after and he seemed somewhat offended by my actions.

"Where have you been?" I whispered, my fingers rubbing the edge of the sink roughly to cope with my growing frustration.

"With Matt, we went to that bar downtown and-"

"I can't fucking believe you, Shawn!" I suddenly found myself screaming at him.