Shawn Mendes one shots

I think I've been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again

Line blurb - "I think I've been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again."

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"I didn't mean it, you know?" Shawn tells you, tears forming in his eyes. "I didn't mean to break your heart, back then. It was never my intention." 

Shawn buries his face in his hands, slightly choking on the tears running down his heated cheeks. His lank body is vibrating as he sinks further together. 

You feel a knot in your stomach from watching Shawn sob silently and a sharp yank appears in your chest, it makes you struggle to breathe. 

He's filled with regret, you see it in his eyes and you know he's hurting to the bones.

You chew on your bottom lip and then you allow your hand to slip into his lap to take his hand in yours. 

He stares at you with tears still falling while you intertwine your fingers together and give him a soft embrace. His hand still fits in yours perfectly, it makes it much harder to be honest. 

"We were just kids, Shawn." You calm him with a small smile. "We didn't know any better, we didn't understand what was going on. I know you never meant to hurt me, I know it was a mistake." 

You tilt your head while your eyes fall on his, they seem unrecognisable to you. His eyes are blank, there's not much light in them.

You feel somewhat guilty, but you know there's no reason for you to. Shawn licks away salty tears sticking on his lips while a whimper escapes from his mouth. 

"I know it's not an excuse for what I did, but I didn't know how to deal with it. Being away from you when all I wanted was to be with you." He blurs the sour words, stumbling over his own cries. 

You reach to cup his warm cheek, feeling the tears soak your hand, while your thumb brushes his jawline lightly. You allow your forehead to rest on his shoulders and you decide to ignore the pain appearing in your chest when you touch him. 

"It's okay, Shawn." You assure him, pressing your head further against him. "I didn't know how to deal with it either." 

"And now it's too late. I lost you." His sad words make you feel sick to your stomach and you struggle not to choke on the lump forming in your throat. 

"You didn't lose me, Shawn." You whisper, your hands finding his. "You'll never lose me." 

You still quite can't wrap your head around the fact, that after all these years, Shawn is still in love with you. 

Hell, you didn't expect him to suddenly show up at your door several years after and tell you that his feelings haven't changed one bit. 

"But you made yourself distant, you didn't want to give it another shot." You sigh at his words, because you know he's partly right. 

Shawn is your childhood love, you grew up as friends and you fell in love by the beginning of your teenage years. 

And then fame came and your world had to change, you didn't cope well with that and nor did Shawn, and he did break your heart. Surely, you were careful with your heart afterwards. 

"I think I've been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again." You whisper while giving his hand a small squeeze. "I didn't want to give you my heart again unless you were ready. Unless I was sure, you wouldn't hurt all over again." 

The words taste sour as they leave your mouth because you know they hurt him, you know they will haunt him in the back of his mind. 

You don't blame, Shawn. It was a strange time and neither of you had any experience. Mistakes were bound to happen, you were just kids and the pressure was too much. But it doesn't change the fact, that it was your heart on the line. 

"I wouldn't blame you for not being able to fall in love with me again." He says, his eyes flickering to yours. 

He's sad and fragile, you hate seeing him like this. You sent him a small smile while you reach for his cheek, you allow your thumb to slide across his lips. 

He holds his breath while you look at him, and for a few seconds, a tiny smile seems to peak on his face. 

"I believe we learn from our mistakes. And I believe you when you say, it was never your intention to hurt me." 

"I want to be better, to be good enough to be with you." 

You lean closer to him, attaching your lips to his. They are wet and taste slightly salty, but it doesn't matter, his lips still sets fire to your skin. A heat runs down your spine when you allow his tongue to enter your mouth. 

The kiss is sweet and tender, he's being soft with you. Almost like he's apologising with the kiss. 

"Shawn, you just flew five hundred miles to see me. You flew across the planet to apologise for what happened, to confess your feelings not knowing the outcome. You're a good guy, you don't need to be any better." You tell him, tears appearing in your eyes too. 

"I swear, I won't waste my second chance. I'll do better." 

"And so, will I." You interrupt him. "It's not all on you. We're two people in this relationship. It's a team effort." Your words make him smile, the first sincere smile since he's been here. 

You remove a lost curl from his face and sticks it behind his ear. 

"You know," Shawn says, resting his forehead on yours." "I fall in love with you again each day. Over and over." 

"And I think, I've just fallen in love with you all over again."