Shawn Mendes one shots

"Please, shut up so I can kiss you." - line blurb

14. "Please, shut up so I can kiss you"

*****

"What's going on, love?" Shawn asks when he enters the bedroom. "Why aren't you dressed?"

He continues to button his jeans while reaching into his drawer for a pair of socks. You're sitting on the bed, legs crossed together in a grey hoodie and your hair in a bun.

You're wearing a full-on make-up, but that's about how far you got.

Shawn has been getting ready for the party you were supposed to be at about ten minutes ago, but you haven't moved one bit the last two hours. You don't feel like going and it suddenly became too much for you to get ready.

"Don't feel much like going out, really." You stutter, playing with your fingers in your lap. You know it's late to say it. "I'm sorry."

"What's the matter?" Shawn asks you, struggling to put his socks on. "I thought you were excited about seeing your friends?"

"Nothing. I don't really feel like going, that's it." You lie, feeling a small pressure on your chest. You don't know what it is, but it doesn't feel nice.

Shawn stops whatever he's doing and turns towards you sitting on the bed. You feel an ache in your bones, it's not like anything you have ever felt before.

"No, it's not. I know you better than that." Shawn says, his eyes searching for yours. "What's the matter, love?"

You don't really know, to be entirely honest. You can't seem to put words on whatever is happening in your mind, nothing seems to make any sense.

It makes it much harder to answer his question.

"I'm just a bit tired, really." You excuse yourself, shrugging your shoulders.

The lumps form in your throat from lying straight to your boyfriend's face, it makes you choke slightly on the words. You don't like lying, it's not who you are.

Shawn sits down on the bed next to you and his hand slips into your lap. He allows his fingers to brush your knuckles tenderly.

"You've been tired for two months now. That's not normal." He points out, his worried eyes falling to yours. "What's going on with you?"

Shawn moves his hand to your face and cups your cheek softly, you press further against his skin to feel his warmth. You shut your eyes while holding your breath, the pressure on your chest continues unchanged.

"I don't know, really." You stutter, feeling tears hiding underneath the surface. Your body is shivering and you're certain Shawn feels it. "It's like there's so much noise in my head lately. And no matter what I do, it never fully goes away."

"I'm sorry, honey." He whispers, his thumb stroking along your jaw. He doesn't say much more because he knows you don't want him to.

Tears fall down even with your eyes closed and Shawn's quick to wipe them away. You don't like crying when people are around, it makes you feel weak and exposed.

"Just don't feel like myself." You shrug as your throat seems to tighten when you talk. "I just want to feel calm, you know? To not constantly be having bad thoughts and fears in my mind."

You're not sure you're even making any sense, you don't feel like you are. It's all messy in your head, you constantly find yourself having stupid thoughts and insecurities as background noise and you can never get rid of them.

No matter what you're doing, where you are or who you're with. There's always noise in your head, it's never just quiet. You think too much, too hard about things you really shouldn't.

Shawn moves your hands to his mouth and plants a few kisses on your knuckles, you manage to force a small smile on your lips. Tears slips down your face but you prevent loud sobs from echoing in the room.

You feel emotionally naked from saying your struggles out loud, but Shawn is always asking you to share your thoughts with him.

"I can understand why you're tired, then. It must be exhausting." He calms you, pressing his face against yours. "Is there anything you want me to do for you?"

"Just stay home with me, I guess."

"Of course, I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you." You mumble and cuddle into his embrace.

"Come." Shawn says and holds out his hand for you to take it. You send him a confused look when you tilt your head to the side.

"I didn't want to go out, Shawn."

"We're not going out, silly." He says with a small smile. "I'm making you a cup of tea and then I'm reading to you."

"You're reading to me?"

"Yes. You're bookworm, I've never seen you without a book. I've noticed you haven't been reading much lately and I figure it's because you don't have the energy to do it. But it usually calms you and I think you need that right now. So I'm going to make you tea, you're going to lay your head in my lap and I'll read whatever book you're in the middle of aloud to you. We'll make the noise stop together."

You stare at your boyfriend and suddenly feel more tears in your eyes. For a second, your chest isn't hurting.

He knows you well, knows that you're the calmest whenever you're reading with a cup of tea.

You love him for being this caring, for wanting to read out loud for you, for knowing when something is wrong by looking at your face, for never letting you face hard times alone.

"It's things like these that makes me love you with all I have, Shawn." You say as a sob escapes your mouth.

"Don't get upset, love. No need for that." He replies and leans over to kiss your forehead. "Come on, let's make that tea." Shawn says and takes your hand in his. You pull him down to you with a small smile.

"What are you d-"

"Please, shut up so I can kiss you." You interrupt him and press your lips against his.

In the end, you're going to be alright, because you have people like Shawn looking out for you when things seem too dark to handle on your own.