Shawn Mendes one shots

Do You Miss Her? (line blurb)

Do you miss her?

"What's up my man?" Brian asked as he entered my hotel room.

As soon as his gaze fell on me, his cheeky smile washed right off his friendly face and disappeared completely. Brian dropped down next to me as he placed his hand on my shoulder to give me a friendly pad.

Such a typical Brian move when he didn't know what to do. A pad was always the answer whenever he found himself in a situation, he didn't know how to handle.

I knew he was aware of the fact that I had been crying. My eyes were red, puffy and sore and I couldn't possibly hide it. I hurried to wipe a few tears stuck on my heated cheeks away but new ones kept coming and no matter how hard I tried, I could't hold them back.

"What's going on, Shawn?" Brian worried as he lowered his eyes to catch my slightly embarrassed stare.

I bit into my bottom lip as I felt my heart, if possible, sink even further into my guts. I felt empty in a way I never had before just by thinking about her and the pain continued to pump in my veins. I held out my phone for Brian to see the picture on Instagram.

"Guess he's the one loving her now." I stuttered as my voice cracked and I gave into the tears. "It was supposed to be me."

My heart began racing and the hard pounds against my chest sent a sharp yank through my body. All air had been punched out of my aching lungs when I saw the picture of her laying on his chest, his arms around what used to be mine and I hadn't been able to take a proper breath since.

It hurt too much, it actually felt like I was choking. Choking in all the things I never got to tell her, all the love I never fully gave to her.

In a sudden moment of anger, I threw my phone across the dim room and we both heard the screen crack as it hit the wall towards the bathroom.

I shut my fists rightly, closed my eyes and tired to somehow contain the anger boiling inside my chest.

"Hey man." Brian said, as he padded my back slightly again. "Calm down, no need to throw things."

Without being given the chance to react, Brian slipped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a hug. He'd never hugged me like this before, like a proper hug to ease someone's pain, but at the moment I didn't mind it.

My body collapsed as I burried my head in my palms and cracked completely. I broke down in tears, sobbing into my hands as the heartache of losing her grew stronger.

I loved her, I always had loved her. And I did indeed still love her.

"So you miss her?"

"Not a day goes by where I don't think about her."

"But she's happy now, Shawn. That's all you wanted for her."

"But she was supposed to be happy with me." I muttered, struggling to say the words aloud. "I was supposed to make her happy."

The bruises she left behind never seemed to fade. I always saw her, in my mind, in my dreams, my nightmares too. I could never fully let her go, she was always in the back of my mind, haunting my heart.

"It's okay, Shawn." Brian told me. "You'll be okay."

I shrugged my shoulders to escape his embrace, pushing my fingers through my curls to deal with some of my frustration. I shut my eyes as I felt the pain pacing inside my chest, reaching my bones and spreading to my veins.

"Have you ever missed someone so much it actually hurts your bones?" I asked him, Brian shook his head.

"It's like pain is growing in my chest and it just... It hurts to breathe, it hurts to speak, it even hurts to live." I mumbled as I began pacing around the hotel room.

"Don't say that, Shawn."

"It's like I hate her for making me feel this way yet I don't think I can exist without her. I mean, I know it's not her fault and the I just hate myself for giving her up." I said as tears began forming in my eyes again.

I leaned against the wall as my eyes flickered around the room. I felt Brian's stare but I didn't have the strenght to meet his worried eyes.

It was funny, really. How you can miss someone so much, you actually feel the missing on your bones. It's in every breath you take, it's in every move you make, it's in every part of your goddam body.

"I should have loved her better."

"You loved her as much as you could."

"But I hurt her too." I whispered as tears fell from my eyes. "And now all I can think is that I should have loved her harder."

"You did the right thing, Shawn." Brian told me. "You set her free to be happy. As much as you wanted to be her person, you weren't ready. It wasn't fair to either of you."

I knew he was right but it didn't numb the pain, it didn't makes me miss her any less.

Mom once told me that time heal all wounds, but I guess she never lost someone as close to her heart, as y/n was to mine. This wound won't heal unless I get to love her again. Love her right this time. Better, harder, fully.

Missing her comes in waves. Tonight, I feel like I'm drowning.