sugar and honey - yoonmin littlespace 🍯 (incomplete)

!very important, PLEASE read!

hey guys, I'm gonna be kinda honest right now.

tw., mentions of anxiety, eating disorders, suicidal ideation

so, I like to be my authentic self with you guys and I feel also though I've been lying to you, even though I don't think I have.

No beating around the bush, I haven't been doing the best mentally. At all. In fact, I've been struggling quite a lot mentally, and from a by product of that, physically. Since last year August, I've been doing particularly badly mentally speaking, and cannot find a purpose to be living currently. It's gotten to the point where I can't bear to interact with people, not even my own family or the people I think are friends. I've relapsed with my anorexia and find it hard to eat virtually anything without calculating how many calories are in it, and how much I'd have to burn. I'm always dizzy and shaky and bruise easy, and still feel sick at the thought of eating "bad" food. I've been planning my own suicide on and off, I have tons of notes drafted and my methods planned out. I'm alive, but nothing I do makes a difference, and I don't feel like I'm living. I can't focus on anything except for numbers, I can't pay attention in classes, or to conversations, and nothing is enjoyable. I feel also thought I'm just floating through life for no reason, and don't belong to be here.

I've decided that I shouldn't be in this kind of mindset while upkeeping these chapters right now because I want to be able to give you guys proper content that isn't half-assed. I personally, almost loathe my most recent chapters and they seem messy and open-ended to me. Trying to keep an active uploading schedule with updates that are of proper lengths is exhausting, considering currently, I can barely get out of bed. They just became another stressor and chore, and it's supposed to be exactly the opposite. I don't want to end up not liking the chapters I post for you guys, and I want to create a fun and casual environment. Because of all this messy crap going on, I'm (extremely reluctantly) taking a one or two-month-long hiatus.

I'm really sorry guys. I'm really, really sorry. I feel like I'm letting you guys down, and that you're all going to hate me for this, and that I'm just being a burden. A sob story to make excuses for bad content. I'm really sorry guys, and I hope you can forgive me for peacing out for a bit, but I don't want to poison this book with my bad vibes and fuck it up somehow. I don't know.

I'll see you guys soon, I really hope you're doing well. Even if you aren't, at least you're still doing. Talk to your friends, watch shows you like. I really love all of you guys, and it's a bit terrifying but almost exhilarating that so many of you read these chapters and comment. It makes me feel strange thinking that all of you have your own lives and your own experiences.

This isn't goodbye, I want to put my best writing forwards for you guys. Let's all cheer up, I'll be back! 

And of course, drink your water. I love you guys.

:']