Merlin's magic (Oneshots) 1

wired (part 4): The aftermath

The knights and Arthur stood in front of the veil for a long time. The wind brushed up the dust around them. But it was quiet and the day was getting much brighter than before.
The veil and the dorocha had brought nothing but darkness to the world.
Now that they were gone, everything went back to normal.
Except... it didn't.

It couldn't, because everything was different now. A twisted sensation filled the atmosphere.
Full of emotions.
Arthur had never been talented in processing information he had not expected.
He was a rather smart man, if he got all the resources he needed. Thanks to Merlin, he had also made many wise decisions. For himself and for the kingdom.
Things he was proud of.

Now his entire world was bleeding.
The lies, the betrayal. Which .... hadn't really been betrayal at all. Merlin had suffered for him. Everything for Arthur. And it broke him that he had never recognized Merlin's loyalty and devotion for what it was. At least not enough.
At the same time he wanted to be mad to be lied to. He wanted to leash out his anger.
And he felt so, so ashamed that Merlin hadn't been able to trust him.

Last but not least – there was also fear and oh so many questions.
Merlin was powerful. That much was clear. What had he used it for? Why hadn't he used his magic to keep the dorocha away? Clearly he could. Dragoon could.
Why risk his own life to save Arthur from a single one?
If his entire goal had been to sacrifice himself for Arthur, did it matter in those last moments that he had magic?
He could have forced Arthur to stay back and then die for him, if he was so keen on doing it anyway.

And, if Merlin's agenda was to create a world of magic – shouldn't he be Arthur's enemy? But it was supposed to be the GOLDEN age. An age of prosperity and peace.
That would make Merlin his ally, right?

Arthur found himself try to wrap his mind around the fact that maybe... magic wasn't all that bad.
Maybe... the magic users who used it for good weren't the exception. Maybe they were the norm. And the evil ones were the only one's he ever met, because his father had started a war on them all?
But that meant, Arthur's father was the real enemy. The real threat.
It would mean that Arthur's father had caused ALL this bloodshed.

Once – a long time ago, when Morgause had challenged Arthur to a duel and Morgause won, she had shown him a vision of his mother. She had told him it had all been Uther's fault.
That he had meddled with magic, and blamed all sorcerer's for it.
Merlin himself had told him this was a ruse.
Merlin himself had advised Arthur AGAINST magic. What reason could he have had for that?
If Morgause had said the truth? Did she? It was impossible to tell now.

And why would older Merlin give his own self the advice to save Uther's life? If the world was so much better with Arthur as king, why would he not want Uther dead? This was TWICE now that Arthur thought of a situation where Uther could have or would have died. And the world apparently would be better off for it!

Why would Merlin keep suffering under his reign and live in fear, if he could singlehandedly end it all??
How could Arthur even expect Merlin to trust him, if he was the SON of such a threat? A son who was trying so hard to follow in Uther's footsteps too?

"So..... a dragon lord, huh?"
Unsurprisingly, it was Gwaine who interrupted the silence. Merlin flinched at the comment, but Gwaine couldn't pretend to be mad at him for long. He cracked a smile. Then he pulled Merlin into a headlock and ruffled his hair, like all of this was more amusing than disturbing.
"Knew you had it in you.", Gwaine laughed.

It was strange. Magic users had been Arthur's enemies. And his enemies were Gwaine's enemies. So Gwaine as well had fought against all that was magic.
But if Merlin WAS magic.... And Merlin was Arthur's friend – which he unmistakably must be after everything they had heard - ...... then there was no doubt in Gwaine's opinion. There wasn't even a flaw in this logic either.
Arthur wished desperately it could be just as easy for himself.