Merlin's magic (Oneshots) 1

Surrender- 2. Scars

As they had all returned to Camelot in the late evening, they had also been served dinner in their rooms. Arthur hadn't seen any of his friends since then, only in passing. Naturally, without being recognized. Now Arthur paced in the guest room, unsure what to think or do. He knows it's late. (Of course he knows, he's been waiting for a manservant to help him get changed for way too long.) He knows he should be sleeping but he can't. Less than 48 hours ago, he had still been preparing himself for war. Now he is stuck in Emrys' body, already doubting every decision he or his father had ever made in their reign.

Especially the decisions he has made since the switch.

Arthur sighs. Everything he was doing in this body feels inappropriate or wrong. He had gone to pee once in the woods on their way back and already felt like he had violated someone. Now, he is pacing and sweating of nerves and he smells like a horse and he desperately wants a bath. Heck, he still hasn't changed for bed yet! Merlin may be his enemy but that doesn't mean Arthur would act dishonorable! That was the whole point of postponing the war, wasn't it? They both wanted to face each other honorably, so that the win would not leave a stain on their armor. (Not that Merlin was wearing armor.)

Finally, Arthur decides to just postpone the bathing problem to tomorrow morning. He hesitates but then takes off his shoes and shrugs off the thin shirt that Merlin must have put on the day before. He'll just lay down like this and sleep off most of his nausea... At least, that's what Arthur was planning.

He hasn't accounted for the mirrors that were provided for guests in the guest chambers. Actually, silver plates were a sign of wealth, so to provide them was really just a method of intimidating or impressing guests. When he walks past, however, he accidentally catches a glance of Merlin's thin frame. Every thought of honor and wealth is suddenly gone and Arthur lets the shirt fall to the floor. Slowly, he approaches the mirror.

Surprise is not a strong enough word for what he finds. His hand touches Merlin's in the mirror and their breaths part against the silver.

Merlin's skin is pale but that is not the issue. He looks thin and undernourished but Arthur barely takes notice. As a warrior, Arthur has seen his fair share of scars, has even received quite a few himself. Mirror Merlin doesn't have battle scars. Mirror Merlin is littered in what looks like old burns, knife games and proof of torture. Arthur wants to believe that Merlin has gotten these as a punishment for murder, theft or anything else. Anything... evil. But Merlin's reaction from just a few hours ago tells him there is more to this.

"Whenever you Pendragons see fit, you'll get yourself a dumb little sorcerer and let them do the dirty work for you. And when it fails, you just cast them out again! I KNOW your kind, Pendragon!"

Just what had Merlin been through? Every scar tells a story, every angry word is connected to something deeper. Arthur knows that because he is a king and he gets angry too. He gets angry when no one listens to his thoughts, when his ideas get dismissed without ever being considered, when his kindness is countered with hatred, when he asks a question and doesn't ever get an answer but he does get the blame. He acts like that because Arthur is responsible for a whole kingdom. Their lives depend on him! If he's let down, he's letting everyone else down as a consequence.

Arthur has had a difficult relationship with his father... He wonders how it was for Merlin. He wonders, not because he cares about Merlin, but because he cares for his own people. What world was Arthur trying to take over, where even the king wasn't safe?

Arthur carefully traces the circular scar near Merlin's collarbone and close to his heart. He wants to ask but he knows he shouldn't. It's not like Merlin is here to answer his questions anyway, but Arthur feels like he wouldn't ask even if he were. It's not something he expected to find tonight and a part of him regrets looking in the mirror. Another part reminds him that Merlin is still his enemy and he would do well to take note of his vulnerabilities.