Lost In Our Imagination 2: Not As Planned

29 - Not Working Out

August 2018

Katie P.O.V

"Being around the younger kids at the studio today just made me really excited about having kids of my own" I said to Brad as he sat down beside me on the sofa and I leant into his side.

"Did it?"

"Yeah of course it did"

"I didn't know you wanted kids"

"Brad you know it's the one thing I want most in this world"

"Really?"

"Yes really, at the orphanage all the workers would tell me I was great with all the kids and ever since then I've just pictured myself having my own"

"It's never really crossed my mind" Brad shrugged.

"Until now of course" I smiled.

"No, still now I just don't really think about it and after the whole thing with Emily and there still being that possibility"

"I thought we said that wouldn't change anything"

"It won't but it made me realise I'm not ready yet and I don't know if I ever will be"

"Oh" I sighed, "that's fair enough"

"I'm just going to get some water" I added as I got up off the sofa and walked over to the kitchen.

"Katie what's wrong?" Brad asked as he too walked over to the kitchen.

"Why do you assume something's wrong?"

"Because I know you, and I know when something is wrong"

"I'm fine honestly"

"Katie, tell me what it is" Brad said putting his hands on my waist and turning me to face him.

"It's nothing Brad don't worry" I replied.

"Katie please just tell me"

"Have you seriously never thought about having kids?" I asked him after a short silence.

"So that's what this is about" Brad sighed.

"I just, I thought that it was something we both wanted"

"No it's something that you want"

"So that's it is it, you've just decided that we are never going to have kids" I shouted walking out the kitchen and up the stairs to our bedroom.

"I didn't say that" Brad replied as he walked into the bedroom after me.

"You basically did but it's fine if that's what you want I'll just go along with it"

"Katie why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"Your acting as if everything is my fault"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are, you just won't admit it"

"Fine you want me to admit it?"

"Yeah I do!"

"Okay it is your fault, I've always wanted to have kids and because you don't want to we might never have a family together Brad, it's just always going to be us two"

"Do you not want that?"

"Well of course I do, but I want a family too Brad"

"Maybe one day we will but not for a while, our lives are too busy, we don't have time for a family"

"Our lives are only going to get busier"

"Katie we don't have time and you know it"

"We can make time Brad, I just don't understand why you don't want kids?"

"I just don't okay, I'm not talking about this anymore, we've argued about it way too much" Brad snapped as he slammed our bedroom door shut and went back downstairs.

At that point I just led down on our bed and cried which I had been doing a lot recently even though I was more angry than upset. Brad was right though, we had argued about it way too much when this isn't something we should argue about. We should talk about it together and make a decision but Brad and I had never quite managed to master that. We seem to solve our problems by arguing with each other and then coming to an agreement afterwards but this time is different and there is something which will change how we deal with this one.

"Hey Katie" Livi said down the phone after picking up.

"Livi ummm" I replied, still with tears streaming down my face.

"Katie are you okay?"

"I need to talk to you about something"

"Sure, what is it?"

"It's me and Brad, we.."

"Did you argue again?"

"I don't know what to do Livi, we're constantly arguing and it's got to the point where we don't agree on anything anymore"

"It's going to be fine okay, you'll sort it out"

"This time was different though"

"Why?"

"Because it was about our future, about having a family together, he doesn't want what I want Livi"

"So he doesn't want kids?"

"No!"

"He must do, he always goes on about you guys being together for a long time"

"But I think that's all he wants, he only wants it to be us and I don't know if that will work"

"Sure it will, you'll figure something out, you have too"

"And what if we don't?"

"Then you keep trying because you can't give up at the first problem"

"But this may be more than a problem..."

"No it's just an argument which you'll fix"

"This wasn't like all the others" I sighed.

"Katie is there something your not telling me?"

"Maybe.."

"Katie!?"

"Well there's a reason that this argument wasn't like the others and why I don't think we can fix it"

"Oh god your not thinking about ending things are you?"

"No, of course not I love Brad"

"Okay good"

"I think he might leave me though after he finds this out"

"Brad would never leave you, trust me, you and him will sort out whatever this thing is and..."

"Livi I'm pregnant" I said interrupting her, "and I don't know what to do"