Lost In Our Imagination 2: Not As Planned

35 - Disappointed

September 2018

Katie P.O.V

I'm now 2 months into my pregnancy and still the only people who know are me, Megan and Livi. Luckily I'm only slightly showing so it means I just have to wear clothes that are slightly baggy. I am starting to feel bad that I haven't told Brad yet because we've been getting on well for the past month, we haven't argued and instead have been spending as much time with each other as possible. The whole baby thing hasn't come up again after our argument and I'm quite glad because otherwise in the anger I probably would have just come out with it and I'm not sure I'm ready for Brad to know even though I know he deserves to. I'm not scared about him finding out, I'm scared that he'll hate me if he does.

"So how's America?" I asked Livi down the phone.

"It's good" she replied, but I could sense that there was something she isn't telling me.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you just seem a bit...."

"I'm fine" she said cutting me off.

"Okay" I sighed, "and Ben? How is he?"

"He's good, same old Ben really, constantly asking me to stay here as you said he would"

"Well what do you expect from someone who's in love with you"

"You always have to remind me of that don't you"

"I just want to make sure that you know to him you aren't just his best friend"

"Katie I know that"

"But..." I said waiting for the response I was hoping for.

"But that's all I see him as" she replied as if it was almost forced.

"Anyways enough about me, I think you should be more worried about yourself"

"Why do you say that?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe because your pregnant"

"Well yeah I know but..."

"No buts Katie, your what, 2 months into it now and you've not made any progress"

"Progress? What progress do I need to make?"

"Well maybe telling Brad would be a start, and going to see a doctor or a midwife"

"I've been to see a doctor and they confirmed my pregnancy and I've also been to see a midwife, I've sorted all that out"

"And Brad?"

"He still doesn't know" I sighed.

"Katie he..."

"He deserves to know, yeah I get it but I just don't know how to tell him"

"It's simple, just come out with it"

"It's not simple Livi, none of this is simple and it never will be with me and Brad, he doesn't want kids"

"He might have changed his mind"

"He will never change his mind, you should have heard the things he said Livi, they were things you can just take back, his mind is set on a life with just the two of us and now that's not going to happen"

"Maybe he'll understand, he could surprise you"

"I'm not going to get my hopes up"

"I'm sorry Katie, I should be there for you right now"

"Don't apologise, you have nothing to be sorry for, just enjoy your time in LA and I'll figure something out"

"Okay, just let me know if you need anything though"

"I will, thanks Livi" I said before hanging up the phone.

"Is it true?" I heard Brad say from behind me and I shot my head round to see him stood by the door.

I didn't know what to do or say. I knew that he had heard my entire conversation with Livi and that the secret I had so desperately been trying to keep was out and there was no going back. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry or at least to explain myself and try reasoning with him, but I couldn't.

"I'm sorry Brad" was all I managed to say.

"How long?" Brad asked, I couldn't quite read the expression on his face. He didn't look angry which was a good sign.

"What do you mean?"

"How long have you known?"

"Too long" I replied and I tilted my head to look at the floor, I couldn't look at Brad anymore as I knew that if I did I would burst into tears.

"I can't believe you Katie" Brad sighed before walking towards the door.

"Please don't be mad" I shouted after him.

"I'm not mad" he explained, "just disappointed"

"That I'm pregnant?"

"No, that you didn't tell me. I thought we could trust each other, that there were no secrets between us, but I guess I was wrong"

"I wanted to tell you Brad"

"Then why didn't you?" He snapped.

"You think I was going to risk it after what you said, after our countless arguments. I was fed up of us fighting"

"I'm sorry okay, I never meant for any of this to happen, or at least not in the way it did"

"And why is it only now your realising this"

"I..umm...." Brad stuttered.

"Just tell me the truth Brad, you don't want this anymore" I replied and it came out as more of a whisper as a tear rolled down my cheek and I looked towards the floor.

"I was scared okay" Brad said as he lifted my chin up to face him.

"Scared of what?"

"Losing you, losing what we have and not having enough time for my family. I want it more than anything else in this world but right now things are perfect and I don't want that to change"

"Nothing will change Brad, if anything it will make us stronger"

"Maybe it will" Brad smiled, "maybe this is what we need, a family"

"Well it's a bit late to change our minds now" I replied, laughing slightly.

"I wouldn't change any of this for the world, your the love of my life and I want you to be happy"

"I am happy" I smiled before leaning forward and kissing him, "I've always been happy"

"So you we are ready for this?"

"I don't think there's ever going to be a time when we are ready but we just have to give it our best shot"

"Well I'll be here, ever step of the way" Brad smiled and he placed his hands on my shoulders and placed a kiss on my forehead, "because I love you no matter what"