louis partridge
warnings: panic attack
a/n: what i wrote here about the panic attack is how i physically feel when i get them🥲 (vote if you want, I figured out that supposedly it helps the book and I was like shut shut fuuck up), if you're curious of how it is for me personally I'll describe it in the bottom, but the story is really short
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"hey its louis, leave a message" his voice said as you tried calling for the 10th time, "when will you ever pick up" you whispered as you felt your heart beating fast. it became worse every second, your chest started hurting as you started breathing fast, "no no no no no no no no no no no" you felt yourself starting to panic. you pressed on his contact again on for it to go straight to voicemail, you got off your bed and went to the corner of your room, sliding down the wall and held your knees close to your chest. this was a panic attack. you felt scared and broken, because the person who knew how to help you wasnt there with you, you felt like you couldnt breathe, you were holding into your chest, trying to catch for air, but nothing was going.
or so you thought. the time passes quickly when in panic.. one hour feels like a whole minute, it could be 2:10 pm and when you look at the time it's already 3:26pm. you begin to think, how you? how can time pass so quickly, you dont get to count each second yourself. they would come out of nowhere or the out of nowhere is overthinking. overthinking leads from one partn to another. and it sucks
you clicked on millies number, "hello? y/n? are you alright?" she asked as you sniffled "come please" you choked out as you heard muffling, meaning she was coming "stay on the phone with me okay?" she told you as you kept trying to find air, "remember on the set of stranger things when i accidentally dropped the dummy and apologized to it?" she chuckled in the last part and you smiled a bit "y-yea" you mumbled. "i feel like im losing air millie, like if the earth doesnt want to treat me right so its not giving me the air i need" you told her as you cried more "im almost there okay, yea right here, okay thank you" she said as she paid the driver and ran up to your room. you heard the door open and closed and footsteps coming closer, "oh no y/n, come here y/n/n" she said sitting on the floor with you holding you close. "I just want to be able to feel again millie, I want to remember how it is to breathe or to be relaxed" you cried to her as she cried with you, "have you tried talking to your therapist?" she asked as you shook your head, "theyre rude and weird. he said I should just forget about it" you told her as she nodded "thats really weird, they shouldn't say things like that" she smiled as you chuckled a little. "words can't put how I always feel, but my actions can, or now they can't cause the only action I show is panic". "I really think you show more than just panic y/n, you show bravery, love, kindness, you even treat everyone with the words I just said" she said as you smiled softly.
"I miss him millie...it should've been me rather than him"
it never should've been anyone. not louis. not you. not even the world. you even wished for the world to not get hurt yet here it is taking air from you as if you were hurting them. the pain just gets worse and worse by each minute. the world is full of shit.
they took louis from you
he's gone
he's dead
but in another universe louis is still alive. and you're still the happiest person alive.
but this universe, this universe is shitty for taking him.
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so that was my most shortest story lol, it only had 500 words 😀 but for the panic attack, or anxiety im not sure. and yes I am diagnosed with anxiety and for those who self diagnose (depression, anxiety, tourettes, ect) please take this serious and personal but end that bull crap! any who anxiety for me is really bad, I tend to over think situations, and it sucks trust me, it's like first it start with overthinking + staying quiet, im a huge talker, only towards people I know personally then my heart begins racing badly, and I start breathing way to quickly and badly, then it gets all hot, my cheeks are burning and my whole body feels sweaty, then tears kick in, I start crying, shaking, curling into a ball and repeating my brother's name, if he isn't there, I still call his name but I know he isn't there to comfort me so I panic till I stop. sometimes it also feels like my heart skips a beat badly, or ill stop breathing for a good minute or two. usually everything lasts for the max 30 minutes if not 40. once I'm somewhat calm, I'll be still breathing quick, overthinking, but I'll be calm. hours later my whole mood will be ruined, I'll laugh a some point but it won't be the "everything is good" kind, yesterday (4/13/21) i went through it again, worse than any other. I was watching ginny and georgia, and I realized how they had a nice bond and I began to overthink, then I cried, shared, curled to a balled, shouted my brothers name many times till he went to the living room to check up, he didnt know what else to do. I kept crying once I finished having a break down, then I over think my grades which cause another one. so this "oH i sElF-DiAgNoSed mY DePrEsSion, AnXIeTy, ect" in the most nicest way please stfu. not only you make yourself look like a fool, but idk for other but for me I sometimes feel bad that I put myself through these situations. so I don't what impact I'll be doing with saying how I feel or crap but just know you are not alone! never in a million worlds.
stay safe and home
tpwk<3
