Busy being Yours

32. Do You Want Me or Do You Not

13,095 words. Potek hahahaha hi? Andito pa ba kayo? Chz. Hindi niyo alam kung gaano katagal ko nang sinusulat ang chapter na 'to but I guess you already know since it's been ages since the last update but you know what? That's life. Be patient and just take your time. :)

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Rough edit lang ginawa ko since night duty pa ako tonight. So mistakes are all mine. Sorry.

Play Happiness is a Butterfly - Lana del Rey

Happy reading and stay safe!

Love, Vam 🧡

xx

I am never the main character.

I always watch at the sidelines. Minding my own business. Waiting for other people's stories to unfold right in front of me. I am always there — watching, supporting, living... Parati akong parte ng kwento ng mga taong malalapit sa 'kin pero hanggang 'dun lang ang lahat ng 'yun... The side character. Someone who if doesn't exist, won't affect the entirety of the story at all.

And if I'm gonna be honest, I'm fine with that. Really. I can live like that. Hindi dahil sa sanay na ako kundi dahil sa 'yun ang gusto ko. I always wanted to just be there... for all the people that I love.

I was there the whole time. There when Clem met Luke, when their friendship improved, even knew that they're in love with each other long before they even realized and admitted it themselves. I was there when Lilith first introduced Ely as her friend, when she accidentally called him babe, exposing their relationship, and forcing her to admit what's really going on between the two of them. I saw how both Abby and Ai developed crazy crushes on PJ when we were in our first year in med school only to see Ai being with my brother, Abby with PJ's cousin, and PJ running away without even telling a soul. There when Celia was still a mystery until I found out that she's more than just a one-night stand to Jason. I was even there when Raven slowly opened up to the world about his relationship with Claus and there after Jamie and Phil both fell out of love.

I was there in all of their stories without them being entirely aware of my presence.

Now what's the point of this, you might ask?

It was all fun and games, to watch people, to listen and know their stories, to always wait for the drama until it was time for me to face my own. I was so focused on always being on the sidelines that I tend to forget that I've also got my own story to tell...

I mean, oo... Alam ko kung anong gusto kong patutunguhan ng buhay ko... Ang maging doktor. That simple. Right? Wrong. You see, that's the downside of being a planner and a goal-setter. I've got my eyes on one and only one prize only. I kind of fall back when things happen that aren't according to my plans. Kasi nga wala 'yun sa plano. Hindi ko inaasahan 'yun.

Over the years, I've already collected a long list of fall backs that tested me and my patience. I noticed that among the said list, there's always one common denominator. The one that always makes me lose my shit every time I encounter it. And that is love.

Alam kong matalino akong tao. I trust my judgement most of the time. I know that I can think rationally and can handle a lot of things especially when I'm under pressure. But with love? Tangina, ako 'yung pinakatangang tao pagdating sa bagay na 'yun. And you know what's actually funny? I've watched a lot of romantic films, read romantic classics all my life, even gave sensible advises to my friends who are in need when it comes to that thing. I might say that I already studied well about the love thing, pero pagdating sa sarili ko, wala, ni hindi ko man lang alam kung paano ko mai-a-apply sa sarili kong buhay 'yung mga aral na napulot ko sa mga nababasa at napapanood ko.