Busy being Yours

17. Of Drunk Nights

This is exactly why I don't wanna play with fire again.

After Jason and I had sex at Jason Andres week ay dalawang beses pa itong nasundan. 'Yung unang beses ay pagkatapos ng sobrang stressful na practicals during Surg class and the second one was after his Muay Thai training na himalang pumayag akong sumama. I didn't train with him though, hindi man ako kasing lampa ni Clem when it comes to working out but Jason's sport will never be my comfort... except if you consider casually fucking your friends as a sports because I'm kinda good at that.

DAMN IT, JUNIPHER!

You see? This is exactly the problem! Hindi ko alam kung kailan o kung paano muling nagsimula but we always found ourselves close to fucking each other, sobrang slips lang 'yung dalawang beses na natuloy because we're both really stressed and wanna vent out during that Surg practicals (ang sarap sigawan ni Doc Anna 'nun, don't tell Sixto), and there's really something different about watching Jason work out. You could have seen how he easily won over his coach. There's tension. 'Di ko alam kung galing ba sa 'kin o sakanya, pero may something talaga. Minsan naiisip ko na nagpapakitang-gilas lang ang isang 'yun because he isn't training with Luke anymore. I heard from Clem na parating nabubugbog ng baby boy si Jas kapag sila 'yung nagwa-one on one. 'Di lang ako sigurado kung gaano 'yun ka-totoo because you know Clem, biased 'yun sa jowa niya. Ako din naman... pero kawawa naman si Jason kung wala itong kakampi.

But going back to my dilemma...

Jason and I, matagal na kaming tapos sa kalokohan namin noon. It was supposed to be a passing wholesome phase where he'll let me experience what it is like having a boyfriend. Siguro ay nabingi ito sa 'kin 'nung nagrereklamo ako sakanya during one of our inuman sessions during college.

Alam kong sobrang baba ko sa part na 'yun. I shouldn't have done that. But if you're a girl who rarely gets courted and then kapag may lalaki ka ngang pinapasok sa buhay mo, you'll find out that he can't handle and keep up with you, maiisip mo talaga kung ikaw ba ang may problema. Kung may mali ba sa 'yo. Kung bakit ang iba ay ang dali namang mahalin at magmahal pero ikaw ay kailangan pang magbago para maging kamahal-mahal. I was a mess that time.

It bruised not only my confidence but my self-worth as well. And Jason, kahit na sobrang mali ang pagpayag niya sa offer ko, he also obliged. I know that he cares for me, I know that he'll do anything for me. Because I'd do the same for him in a heartbeat. He's my ride or die. At first he took me out for dates. Sinasamahan niya ako to study out, may mga movie dates din kami and of course, ang mga comic cons and other geek events na pareho naming mahal na mahal. Siguro ay ang daming time lang talaga ni Jas 'nung mga panahong 'yun because he was still working, wala pa itong madalas na pinagkakaabalahan maliban sa trabaho niya sa ospital.

It was nice. To be treated like a lady, and not someone that guys are usually intimidated with.

He usually held my hand. Wrapped his arm around my waist, or to put it around me. It was nice until NMAT review started...

It stressed the hell out of me. Hindi pa nakakatulong that I was elected as a student council member at nahiwalay kay Clem ng block. Sobrang hirap pero pakiramdam ko talaga 'nun ay mag-isa lang ako. Believe it or not, malapit na sana akong hindi tumuloy sa pag-file for the exam because I was having a really hard time in balancing my time. Pero masyadong nakakahiya because I'm June fucking Jimenez and time management is my thing. I'm the queen of it.

Hindi ko matanggap na 'di ko pala kaya, kaya't laking ginhawa ko nang bigla nalang nag-text si Jas kung kailan ko rin balak mag-enroll for review classes. If I'm gonna be honest, I did forget that he's also aiming for med school. Masyado akong focused sa pag-aaral ko at sa pagkakaalam kong nagt-trabaho na nga ito as Med tech that I almost forgot na pampalipas-oras niya nga lang pala ito. And so we both enrolled together.