Busy being Yours

37. Not Fighting Anymore

I always thought that being in med school was the hardest part of my life. Well, guess what younger Junipher? Mas mahirap ang buhay ngayong ganap ka nang doktor.

3/4 of my 15-hour shift, I'm inside an operating room. Either assisting an anesthesiologist or administering and monitoring the patient on the table on my own. Hindi ko nga alam kung ganap na ba akong nahimasmasan sa kalasingan ko two days ago or I'm just setting it all aside to do my job, which ethically speaking is unethical, pero mukhang okay na naman ako. Aside from still feeling the bitter taste of alcohol in my mouth at times and feeling sick because of it, ay wala na akong maalala from it.

In fact, I feel like I totally blacked out.

Wala akong maalala.

All I know is that Abby and Six picked me up from SOUL, na hanggang ngayon ay nanatiling palaisipan para sa 'kin kung paano sila napunta 'dun. It's either I drunk called Sixto (let's be real, I don't call Abby randomly. Both drunk and sober) or the bartender informed PJ that informed his cousin that I was drinking as if there's no tomorrow. But either way, I'm thankful kasi hindi ko alam kung san ako pupulutin kung wala 'yung dalawang 'yun. I may have a few memories of what happened that night.

Remnants.

Alam ko ang lala ng sinuka ko that night. I think I even puked in Sixto's car and on my pants. I cried harder when I got home. I remember that I did a lot of crying, maybe even drunk called Clem or Lilith pero wala ni isang sumagot. Clem's probably at work while Lilith's already asleep. And then for some unknown reasons, I think I was thinking about Jason.

Weird. Alam ko.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit o paano, but I kind of remembered thinking hard about him. Siguro kasi siya ang huli kong tinitingnan habang hindi pa ako ganap na lasing. I don't know! It's weird but it didn't surprise me at all. Hindi na naman bago na laman siya ng isipan ko, that guy's rooted on me and my system that I couldn't just get rid of him.

Believe me, I tried. Hard. But failed miserably. 

Speaking of that guy, umabot na ang balita sa head ng Anesth department na sinalo nito ang suntok na para sana sa isa sa mga interns namin. Of course, Dr. Mendoza was thankful. Personal pa nitong nilapitan si Jason para lang magpasalamat. I'm more than thankful. Atleast ay hindi na ako pine-pressure ni Ebony na magpasalamat sakanya in our department's behalf. Ilang araw na ang nakalipas pero laman parin si Jason sa mga usapan ng mga kasamahan ko.

They keep talking about him as if he's some kind of hero. I'm not really thrilled about it. Tama naman si Elaine 'nung naabutan ko itong pinapagalitan si Jason sa loob ng ER. Pwede siyang umilag pero 'di niya ginawa. He didn't even file a complaint against the man who assaulted him. It was disappointing! Kaya lagi nalang na naaabuso ang mga doktor habang nagta-trabaho eh. Hindi excuse ang nagpa-panic na kayo para abusuhin o bastusin niyo ang mga taong ginagawa lang naman ang trabaho nila para mapagaling kayo o ang mga kamag-anak niyo.

If I was disappointed, Lilith was livid. I was still nursing my hangover when she came, barging in my unit with Ollie in her arms.

"We need to talk," madiin niyang saad matapos ko itong pagbuksan. "What?" I groaned, still rubbing my eyes.

My hair's a mess, I was wearing a shirt that I don't even know if it's clean or not. Tiningnan ko ang mag-ina at agad na nahiya. They both looked like they came straight out of Modern Mom magazine.

"Say hi to Auntie June, baby girl."

Muntikan pa akong maduwal sa agad na pagbabago ni Lilith sa tono ng boses nito kung hindi lang ako ginawaran ni Ollie ng malambing niyang ngiti sabay kaway, "Hi Auntie June." She said, squirming from her mother's arms.