Busy being Yours

9. Of Donations and Glass Houses

Kanina pa ako hindi makatulog. Everything just feels so empty after going back from the airport. Ang weird lang talaga sa pakiramdam.

A few hours ago, I'm here inside one of Jason's guest rooms with Clem sleeping beside me, and then now wala na siya. She already flew to Melbourne with Luke to start a new chapter of her life. Yes, sumama sakanya si Luciano para ihatid siya at tulungan itong makapag-settle muna. He still got a month before he officially becomes a full-time employee of the research institute who gave him a scholarship for his masters degree.

Kagabi nang sinundo nila ako sa bahay. I had to bring my school bag and uniform with me kasi may pasok kami ni Jason maya-maya. I know that it's kind of a reckless decision, to have a chill sleepover on a weekday especially for someone so particular with her acads like me but I think moments like these deserve a free pass. Buong gabi lang kaming nagk-kwentuhan sa patio ng bahay ni Jason. We had a few light alcoholic drinks and barbecue habang nanonood rin kami ng pelikula.

I know that it wasn't much. Medyo na-stress nga si Jason 'dun dahil masyadong biglaan ang pagplano ng mga bagay-bagay but he was able to push through. As always, he's a great host! He did a perfect barbecue night for Clem and Luke's last night in the Philippines. Plus bonus pa na tuwang-tuwa si Lilith sa newly-installed hot tub niya dito, halos sila nga lang dalawa ni Ely ang gumagamit 'nun kagabi. Believe me, I tried dipping in with them and it wasn't great... I never felt so single my whole life. At parati ko nang sinasabi na kaya kong mamuhay mag-isa ha, it says a lot!

Maaga kaming nagising kanina. 5 AM ang flight ng dalawa so they had to be there at 3, kaya kami ding lahat dito ay maaga ring nagising. Ely drove us to the airport kung nasan naghihintay na rin ang pamilya ni Clem para mahatid din ang dalawa. Promise, nagmukha kaming isang malaking pamilyang naghahatid ng isang OFW na kamag-anak pabalik sa ibang bansa. Although now that I think of it ay parang ganun na nga, but the difference is hindi OFW si Clem, she's really settling in Australia for good. Her dad's not getting any younger, kailangan nito ng makakasama at mag-aalaga sakanya 'dun.

Grabe 'yung iniyak ko kanina habang nagpapaalam kay Clem. Maging siya na 'di gaano nagb-breakdown sa harap ng maraming tao ay naiyak din. Halos ayaw ko siyang bitawan na pakiramdam ko ay nahiya na si Tita Zenith sa akin. Dinaig ko pang nanay eh!

Hindi pa nakakatulong si Jason sa sitwasyon, right after Clem and Luke left for boarding ay 'di na ako nito tinigilan sa pang-aasar. He said he had flashbacks of what happened that night during Clem's despedida party. Malay ko ba kung anong kabaliwan ang ginawa namin ng babaeng 'yun?

Talagang kinotongan pa ito nina Ely at Kuya Sol ('yung kuya ni Clem), up until now ay nakakalimutan ko paring magkaka-edad at magkaibigan 'yung dalawang 'yun. Nagiging extra annoying at makulit lang naman kasi si Ely kapag kasama niya 'yung nakakatandang kapatid ni Clem. Most of the time ay father figure talaga ang tingin ko sakanya. He's very mature. Like really mature.

Kaya't ayun nga, matapos naming maihatid ang dalawa sa airport ay dapat kakain pa kami ng early breakfast kaso nagrereklamo na si mother hen aka Lilith na inaantok pa talaga ito kaya wala kaming choice kundi ang bumalik na dito sa bahay ni Jason. Kaagad nang nagtungo sina Lils at Ely sa kwarto sa tapat nitong tinutuluyan ko. Si Jason naman na 'di na raw nakakaramdam ng antok ay napag-desisyunang mag-workout nalang muna (though I think he's just trying to distract himself from missing Luke. I swear he's crazy for his best friend as much as how crazy I am with mine). Ako, ang sinabi ko kanina ay matutulog muna ako. I've been studying non-stop days prior para lang ma-compromise 'yung ganap namin kagabi. Kailangan ko talagang makabawi ng kahit kaunting tulog man lang but sadly, I can't. I keep on thinking about what I'll do next now that Clem and I are miles apart.

Alam kong sobrang contradicting nito with my independent personality but have you heard of the saying that says, no man is an island? That's exactly what I'm trying to point out now. Malaking parte na si Clem ng buhay ko, although I know that I can still function on my own, her absence (physically) would also affect my life greatly. Isa siya sa mga tinuturing kong kakampi. As much as I always love to say na ako lang ang nakakatiis sa pag-uugali niya ay pareho naming alam na dapat siya ang parating nagpapamukha 'nun sa akin. I can be a little too much, I'm aware of it. And not everyone could handle that.