Busy being Yours

46.2 To Burst to Faint or to Crumble Down

Everything is just so perfect.

This day, this ring, the man that I am with.

Hindi parin ako makapaniwala na nangangalahati palang ako sa birthday ko at ito na ang mga nangyari sa 'kin. I was on a high... still on a high, actually.

Ilang oras akong umiyak habang yakap-yakap ako ni Jason. I'm not kidding! He had to check and ask kung umiiyak ba ako sa tuwa o naiiyak ako dahil pagsisising nakatali na ako sakaniya. I had to hit him in the arm and kiss him on the lips to answer the question pero muli na namang naiyak nang masulyapan ko ang singsing sa daliri ko.

I can't believe that I'm actually wearing it.

I only had a few glimpses of the ring before kasi hindi talaga marunong magtago si Jason. No, I take that back... He can keep secrets but I think that he's wasn't really being subtle with it. Unconsciously, I might add. Lagi ko siyang nahuhuling may kinakapa sa bulsa niya, then I'll see hints of the velvet box showing from his pocket. May mga pagkakataon din na nakikita kong pinaglalaruan niya ang mismong singsing habang nag-aaral ito sa dining area without even noticing na lalabas sana ako para kumuha ng tubig. It's instances like that...

I saw it, I saw signs of it. I knew all of it but I chose to lock it all at the back of my mind kasi unang-una, I don't wanna ruin the moment for Jason. Knowing him, he's the type of guy na laging may baon na surpresa... He always take things on another level na ang labas ay nagiging extra na ito and so I don't wanna ruin it for him by letting him know na may ideya na ako about it. Also, I really don't know what to feel about it during those times na nakikita ko yung singsing...

Lagi kong iniisip 'yun, if I'm gonna be honest. I always ask myself kung anong nararamdaman ko? Kung ano bang dapat kong maramdaman? Kung okay lang ba ito para sa 'kin? And I always end up with the same thing.

I don't know.

I don't know what to feel... How to react... How to deal with it. All I know is that I want Jason. I want him with me, I love having him around. I love the fact na sa dami ng mga taong nakakasalamuha niya araw-araw ay sa 'kin siya laging umuuwi at ako ang tinuturing niyang tahanan. I love how he makes me feel and how I feel towards him. And most importantly, I love the person that I am whenever that I'm with him.

And that just made me seal the deal.

His proposal clearly wasn't what I expected. Magpapakatotoo ako pero I was thinking about involving a huge crowd dancing along to Bruno Mars' Marry You or maybe ay papakainin niya ako ng higanteng banana split tas sa dulo ng bowl ay andun iyong singsing... You know, something like that... But what he did was even better... It was perfect.

I wasn't expecting it despite of me knowing about it. It was raw, it was intimate. It was between him and me.

Jason and June. Us.

Iyon lang naman talaga dapat ang nagma-matter, hindi ba?

And I really can't believe that I expressed my feelings to him that way! Thinking about it now, I think ay may ikakaayos pa 'yung pagkakasabi ko sa nararamdaman ko, I think that I can word out my feelings even better para mas dama at mas espesyal but looking at it sa perspective ng sarili ko that time, it was the perfect confession.

Hindi ko pinag-isipan (which is so rare for me), hindi ko pinagplanuhan... It wasn't calculated and it was all over the place (it came out more like a ramble) but it was my truth. And that truth is that I love him... I love Jason Andres with all my heart and soul.

But of course, feelings are fleeting. Hindi ay laging nasa alapaap ka. Tapos na ako sa high state ko na ngayong medyo nahimasmasan na ako sa realidad ay saka ko lang napagtantong makikipagkita pa nga pala ako sa mga malalapit naming kaibigan ngayon. At hindi lang para ipagdiwang ang kaarawan ko, hindi lang din para sabihin na boyfriend ko si Jason, pero pati na rin para ibalitang ikakasal na kami.