So What If I Love You (Eren x Levi)

Purpose

I was in the piano room practicing, it was the only time I could feel happy remembering him sitting next to me and desperately trying to play all the wrong keys.

---flashback---

"Ahh, your playing is always so beautiful", Eren sat next to me and pressed one of the keys.

He was sad that day but tried to hide it, but I already knew he wasn't feeling well so I tried to cheer him up with music.

"At least try to play the right keys", he laughed before turning completely silent. "Eren-", he kissed me to shut me up as he always did.

"Maybe if I could do that in real life, I could be normal and happy", he said without hesitation. He was smiling but his eyes looked so dark. "Play for me, Ackerman", he returned to his normal self and still played the wrong tones as I was supposed to play.

--back to reality--

I heard a knock on the door and looked over to see Armin. He came in sliding the door closed behind him. "You know you don't have to be alone.", he was right, but I wanted to be.

"I'm fine", he walked over to the window. It was already February, time had passed by like crazy. "Have you heard from him", my fingers stopped and my shoulders slumped. A hurt sneer came from me "He won't let me see him..".

"Yeah, me neither, he's scared of showing us his vulnerable side. We've already seen too much for him, especially you", I knew that. I knew everything he was saying but I didn't know how else to act but ignore the feelings inside me and move on.

I had no time to waste on trivial things. "Well thats all I know, so can you let me practice now", he nodded. Before walking out the door, he looked back once again but left me be.

---Saturday morning---

I decided to visit their graves. It would be the first time since my 17th birthday. Id been neglecting them. "Its been a while", I knelt before Isabels and Farlans grave running my fingers over the cold stone. 

"Forgive me, I haven't been able to work up the courage to come see you two since that day. I originally moved out of our old place but I moved back not that long after. I still haven't been able to touch the money we all out together. I gave up for a while but this woman came and found me, Hanji a real loudmouth, always so excited..she's the absolute opposite of me. I met Eren, you'd probably like him".

Sitting there made my mind feel empty, it was like without them or Hanji or Eren, there was a void that I ignored. Well someone has to function, right..

"I hope you're resting well", I laid the flowers on the wet concrete and clapped my hands together in silence, since I couldn't light a candle because of the rain.

I headed home to change so I could visit Erens mom and have dinner with her. Thats something I did once a week.

I unlocked the apartment door proceeding towards the bathroom. My reflection stared back at me in the mirror. My hair stuck to my cheeks and forehead. Water was running down my face and body. I unbuttoned my shirt then turning the water on. Everytime I stepped under the warm water, I wondered what went through his mind that day.

Our future scared me, if he was to cast me aside. Would I be abandoned once again. What purpose other than helping others did I have in life, even then I always mess that up, don't I. The sound of my phone ripped my from my thoughts.

I turned the water off, wrapping the towel around my waist.

----

Private call

Levi: Hello?

Erens mom: Hey sweetheart..

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