So What If I Love You (Eren x Levi)

Feelings

I recognized her gentle voice over the phone and my heart tightened.

----

Private call

Levi: Good evening auntie

Erens mom: Good evening, excuse me, but I'll have to cancel tonight but I also have a favor to ask.

Levi: Thats completely fine, I'm here for whatever you need me

Erens mom: Tomorrow I have to work but Eren is being released..do you think you could be there for him please

Levi: Of course, I can..

I whispered and she thanked me wishing me a goodnight before hanging up.
----

I couldn't fall asleep, I wasn't sure on how I felt about seeing him. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel his warmth but what if his attachment for me was because he was lonely. Was that why he wouldn't let me see him. No, I was overthinking.

---the next morning---

I woke up realizing I had managed to sleep for two hours and had 3 more until I had to leave.

Nonetheless I still got ready way too early and headed to the subway. Even though most people call me robot, even though I'm horrible at communicating with feelings.

Eren and his mom welcomed me with open arms, Isabel and Furlan always called me out too, yet people think I lack empathy.

I always thought like I felt it more than others. I wasn't always like this, antisocial, as a child I was lively.

---Flashback---

"Mommy, Mommy", I ran towards her bed carrying my favorite book whereupon her tired face looked down at me with a sad smile. I didn't realize her smile was always that sad.

"Read to me, please", I pleaded as I lifted myself onto her bed, she was exhausted but she would always find a way to play and read with me.

Sometimes her customers would come, at that time I didn't know what work she did, but she needed to make money for me. Luckily the men were always nice, I'd get money or candy. They'd ask me to go play outside.

One day she wasn't able to get up anymore so those men stopped coming and she stayed in bed all day.

She stopped reading to me, I was lucky she taught me how to read beforehand. So I started reading to her, I'd even draw her pictures and told her made up stories. She wouldn't look at me or reply, sometimes tears would fall down her cheeks but I knew she loved me.

I actually wanted to go to school as a child, I started bringing it up multiple times but it was a wish that never got granted.

A few weeks later, I adjusted to my mom being unresponsive, she ate for me even if it was very little. I learned how to do laundry and clean, mom managed to write that all down in her last week.

I wasn't aware, I was just happy she started communicating, even if it wasn't with words, I even remember her suddenly hugging me, I think she whispered sorry. Until this day I don't know if I imagined it or if it was real.

However a few days later, I tried to feed her stew, she refused it or rather she didn't react. I thought she had a fever but when I touched her, she was cold. I ran outside for help, I panicked knowing there was something really wrong that day.

Before I knew it, I finally got my wish but I couldn't communicate with people and was only able to meet people like my aunt which was what pushed me to never want to get close to people again.

---back to the present--

I stood in front of the psych ward and waited. My heart was beating so fast and my palms were sweaty. He came out that door 2 hours later. He dropped his bag and I didn't know what was happening until he ran into my arms.

---Erens POV---

"You'll be free tomorrow, Eren, congratulations", my therapist told me at the beginning of our session.

After that, all I could think about was Levi, I was scared of seeing him after so long. I hoped he hadn't forgotten about me.

I mean I wasn't completely cured but that wasn't the most important thing. My eating habits were way better, I had no problem eating. I was able to get excited about my usual favorite foods.

My therapist explained depression wasn't something that would just go away but I could control it with antidepressants and therapy in the future.

The antidepressants played a big role in my eating disorder. I also noticed my thoughts weren't as chaotic as before and the random feeling of exhaustion disappeared.