✔︎𝖮𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌 ░ 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗟𝗜𝗫

If

Chan couldn't lie. Not right now. He was devastated.

He and his family had been in the hospital since the collision from a few months ago. Both he and Maria had recovered enough in that time to be discharged.

Their injuries weren't so horribly bad, or at least Maria's weren't. She got off with several cuts and bruises. And a small piece of metal lodged in her leg but it was removed almost as quickly as it was discovered by the hospital staff. Chan's weren't as simple as hers. He had many cuts, several deep ones and now a permanent scar down his right arm. Along with two metal pieces lodged in him, one where the scar now was and another in his right thigh.

Felix had it the worst.

He had died in the crash.

Crushed under the metal of the lorry and their now completely out of service car.

Chan could still see those terrified lifeless eyes whenever he closed his. The image of his dead husband could and never would leave his thoughts. All of his life he had loved only him and now he was gone. Completely and utterly gone.

Those warm brown loving eyes...

He'd never get to see them again.

Not even so much as a small glimpse.

He thinks the worst part about it was not even getting to go to his funeral. He was in hospital still when it was held.

His chance to say goodbye... And he couldn't even show up.

God knows how he was going to have to break this news to Maria. His poor daughter was going to live the rest of her life without the warmth of her loving Dada anymore. She adored him and he wasn't going to be there anymore.

Chan quietly cried to himself in the backseat of Minho and Jisung's car. Minho had so kindly offered to drive Chan and Maria back home now they had been discharged.

To be honest.

Chan didn't want to go home.

What even was home when Felix wasn't there?

"Daddy, why are you crying?" Maria softly asked. She rested her small hand atop of Chan's, gently squeezing. Just like what Felix used to do to comfort him.

"I... I can't tell you bubs..." Chan mumbled, quickly wiping at his tears. He was pleading for them to go but they just kept coming the more he wiping them away. He was a mess.

If Felix were here, he could've hugged him tightly and sobbed into his warm fuzzy sweater until he felt better. Could've had Felix's small hands tangle in his thick dark hair, whispering conforming words to him that he's heard a thousand times before.

If Felix were here, he wouldn't be crying in the first place. He'd be smiling, holding his hand tightly and exchanging sweet little nothings with him, reminding one another of how much they were in love.

The only thing Chan could be happy about is that he got to tell Felix he loved him that day.

But it just wasn't enough for him.

He wanted to say it more. He wanted to chant those three words to Felix over and over again until they lost all meaning.

Chan pinched the skin of his wrist like he had many times a day ever since the crash. He still didn't wake up, it still wasn't a dream.

Wasn't reality so cruel?