✔︎𝖮𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌 ░ 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗟𝗜𝗫

Still

If Chan said he was confident about going into his house again after spending almost a month at Jisung and Minho's, he'd be lying. A cold hard and blatant lie.

He wanted to be able to walk in and see Felix packing up from one of his shoots, about to come greet him at the door and engulf him into his arms. He wanted Maria to be able to jump up into Felix's lap as they all cuddle together on the sofa. But Chan knew well that it wasn't going to happen and it was a pathetic thought to hold out on.

Jisung had told him to go get settled back home. Minho had helped him pack up his stuff again and walked him across the road to where he was now. The both of them said they'd let Maria stay at theirs for a week longer to give Chan the chance to get comfortable on his own and try let go some more.

Chan sucked in a deep breathe and opened up the front door, stepping inside.

Almost immediately, he was hit by all the aromas and warming scents he had missed so dearly. It smelled just like how they had left it.

Just like home.

Though, Chan knew this wouldn't be home without Felix. No matter how hard he tried to make it be.

But that's alright.

He'd have to try make this work somehow. After all, once someone's gone, dead and buried there isn't much he can do to bring them back. Even if he wants to so bad that he'd do anything regardless of if he would have to get hurt in the process.

Chan's accepted that Felix isn't with him anymore. He's accepted that he has to live without him. He just wished that it wasn't true.

As he walked further through the house, he peered into the living room. He smiled remembering all the shenanigans and cute family times they had there. Then the kitchen, where Felix had nearly destroyed their house more than several times but had managed to make some of the most delicious treats despite it. He'll miss eating those, especially the brownies. Then the upstairs.

Chan headed up, feeling his chest tighten with each step up.

As he rounded the corner and reached the door of his and Felix's old bedroom, he lost his breath. He felt unable to breathe but he pushed through. This was part of the stepping stones to accepting Felix.

He could do it.

He could do it.

It's not that difficult.

Chan twisted the door knob and gently opened the door after sucking in the deepest breath he could muster. Quietly, he stepped into the room as though not to disturb his husband, even though he knew it was so very pointless.