Help Me Understand

Fireball

TW: fire (weird, i know), blood and theme of abandonment.

Yes, this is a bit sad. But yes, we are getting a happy ending, I pinky promise so just stick with me here.

Love had teeth. Love bit and tore and left scars.

But love felt so good that it made a person willingly go through it over and over again.

Choosing to take on those scars just for a chance to be with someone that makes your heart flip and beat a million miles per minute. Someone that actually lets you believe there is some good in the world and some hope for a better tomorrow.

It was starting to feel like the right person but the very wrong time. Maybe even the wrong galaxy, wrong life. Just everything wrong when all he wanted was for it to be right.

She'd woken up early this morning, saying she had to go. Kylo had responded by rolling on top of her and pleasuring her into another bout of exhaustion that put her to sleep for a few more hours. Delaying the inevitable.

The physical touch ability through the Force bond had been a nice development but it wasn't even close to the real thing. Being able to feel her skin underneath his hands, kiss her until the only air he breathed was hers. Tangle themselves in the sheets until it was just the two of them left in the galaxy, as close and connected as two people could ever be.

But he was also stalling for the moment that Kylo was dreading. A big, dark cloud looking over his head, just waiting to realease a torrential downpour of misery.

She was going to leave again.

Kylo would be forced to watch her walk away from him again, disappearing before the buzz of her kiss dulled in his lips. Only her scent lingering behind, less of a reminder and more of a mockery.

He could make her stay. He could walk right into that bedroom, where she was nestled in a swathe of blankets, and place her under a Force spell that would last until she was back, safe and sound aboard his ship.

He could do it and oh, was it tempting. But he really couldn't. Not if he wanted any chance of her returning to him voluntarily.

Kylo knew that, deep down. He knew that was an infallible truth. But it didn't do much to quiet that temptation raging inside of him. Practically screaming for him to just bring her back with him and then scramble to get back in her good graces after. Kiss her and love her and pleasure her until she forgot why she was mad. Buy mountains of books and clothes and perfumes and tea until her anger and resentment was lost somewhere else.

He couldn't help his thoughts from wondering. Daydreaming, actually. Imagining a future or some other life, some parallel universe where this was normal. Where waking up mid morning with the woman he loved, drinking coffee in a cabin tucked away from the hectic nature of daily life. No war, no opposing sides. Existing slowly and intentionally, living a life he choose, not one he seemed to be thrown into.

She deserved it too. She deserved to take a break. His strong little fighter had earned over and over again a life of contentment. To be loved and to be loved well by Kylo.

What he was doing doing was dangerous. He was crafting this little dream world inside of a glass sphere. Something that was so delicate and so breakable, something that was barreling towards a fast approaching shatter. The glass sphere holding his little world cracked into a million pieces by reality.