Help Me Understand

A Little Trip

She didn't move all night. Sleeping soundly in his bed, curled up in a little ball, sheets clutched in her delicate hands.

It wasn't exactly how he'd pictured it. He'd definitely imagined her falling asleep in his bed, utterly exhausted. But he'd expected her to be exhausted from him fucking her all night long rather than a heart wrenching breakdown.

He'd held her as sobs shook her delicate little frame, face drenched with tears, chest heaving with labored, erratic breaths.

He didn't know how long he had sat on the floor with her in his arms, cradling her. But eventually, she went quiet, her teary eyes closing.

She was his strong little fighter, tough to the point of obstinance. But the stronger they are, the harder they fall.

He hadn't really understood what she meant when she told him that she could feel his emotions. That night when she'd somehow invaded his mind and seen the memories that kept him up at night. When she'd come to understand why he is the way he is.

But now he understood it.

At first, he'd assumed she meant it more figuratively. Emphasizing her compassion, trying to assure him that she understood. But no. She meant she could actually feel his emotions.

As she sank to the floor, weakly trying to push him away, he felt a surge of pain grip his chest. Waves of anguish crashing down on him, drenched by every last drop of her hurt as if those feelings belonged to him.

He didn't know how he could feel her emotions, and he certainly didn't know why. But he did know for certain that his girl was hurting.

He felt guilty. And things have to be really, really bad in order to make Kylo Ren feel even the slightest bit guilty.

If she let him, he could make it up to her. He wasn't sure exactly how to make it up to her just yet, but he would over time. He could make all the pain nothing but a distant memory.

But first, he needed to know exactly what had happened while she was away from him. He needed to know what was causing her pain. Well, what else was causing her hurt besides him.

He shouldn't have, but while she slept, he brought his hand to her temple and sifted through her mind in search of answers.

Images swarmed his mind. Her training with Skywalker, an impassioned and pained argument with the pilot, the Stormtrooper that fled with her.

Traitor.

He was definitely still absolutely enraged about that, but the filthy traitor was not his main priority right now.

A certain cluster of images had piqued his interest more than the rest, showing him something much more important than insubordination among his troops.

I didn't intend to like my captor, you know.

Kylo's heart had nearly beat out of his chest. She'd confessed to the pilot that she felt for her captor. That she liked him despite her best intentions not to.

He hadn't intended to feel for her either. And yet here he was, riddled with more feelings for her than he could process.

Originally, she was supposed to just be his plaything, his source of amusement. He had intended to keep her as a source of pleasure for himself while simultaneously depriving the Resistance of their resident Force user.

But somewhere down the line, affection for the girl had tainted his plan for her. He found himself truly caring for her, wanting her in more than one way.