Help Me Understand

Not Once, But Twice

She smiled softly at him, skin glistening with water droplets and reflecting the low hanging, orange sun. The thin, light blue fabric of her soaking wet dress clung to her like a second skin. Water dripped from the hair framing her face and onto his bare chest.

"We can start over Ben." Her voice sounded like a song, a heavenly chorus sweetly kissing his ears. "We can start over, just the two of us. Leave with me and leave all of this behind."

He stroked her bare thighs that were straddling his waist. "Where would we go?"

She smiled wider. "Anywhere, my love," she replied. "We can go anywhere and everywhere, just the two of us starting fresh. Any of those places you told me about."

She stroked his cheek with the back of her hand, leaving a slight tingling wherever her skin brushed his face. His eyes fluttered closed, focusing on the sound of water running and the feeling of her hand and the sun on his skin.

She placed gentle kisses on his jaw. Little butterfly touches from her soft, plush lips. "You said you would take me to all those places, remember?"

He brought his hand to her damp hair, threading his fingers through her locks. "I remember."

He could feel her smile against him. "Where should we start then? Where to first?"

Her lips traveled down to his neck, kissing and nipping just below his ear. "Anywhere you want, baby," Kylo said. "Name the place and we'll go."

She giggled quietly against his neck. "I like when you call me that."

She brought her face in front of his again and the ends of her hair tickled his face. But he was too busy looking at her to notice. How soft she looked. Gentle, warm. Inviting. His.

"How about Naboo?" she suggested.

He smiled. "You'll love it."

She leaned her face closer, lips just barely touching his. "I won't love it as much as I love you."

He brought a hand to cup her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "And you can't love me as much as I love you."

She giggled and he realized that spending the rest of his life listening to her laugh still wouldn't be enough. But forever was a start.

Her lips finally pressed against his completely, warming him far more than the setting sun could.

"I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you know how much I love you Ben."

-

His eyes burned as he opened them.

The dream bitterly faded, leaving Kylo alone in the silence of his quarters. He looked over to the other side of his bed. Her side of the bed. Empty, cold, the sheets undisturbed.

Twice. He'd lost her twice now.

But this time was worse. It hurt far worse knowing that it wasn't even her choice. It was just the universe's cruelty at play and an explosive that stole her decision away.