Affinity (RDJ)

Chapter 6 - Alive

Saturday morning comes too early and after a night of waking up every half hour, you roll out of bed at 7am. You shower and dress quickly before heading through to the kitchen, finding your dad at the breakfast bar, hunched over a steaming mug of coffee. He smiles as you notice him, eyes bleary from sleep. 'Morning, honey. How did you sleep?'

You shrug. 'Alright I guess. You?'

He shakes his head. 'Not great. I kept waking up and couldn't get back to sleep.'

You nod, knowing that feeling all too well. 'Breakfast?' you offer him, opening the fridge to pull out the butter. He nods appreciatively.

'Of course. Toast and jam sounds great right about now.'

You butter the bread and spread some raspberry jam on top before sliding it under the grill. That's how mom always made it - lightly toasted with hot jam on top.

You sit together, eating your jam toast in silence, comfortable in each other's presence.
'So... uh...' he mumbled over his plate. 'Are you still wanting to come today? To the... to see mom? Because it's okay, I understand if you don't...'

You cut him off as he starts to trip over his words. 'Yeah, of course dad. I've been looking forward to it.' You smile reassuringly at him, hand on his arm. He smiles back weakly.

'Thanks, honey. I know it's hard for you too.'

'Well, easier together, right?' you suggest, sounding chirpier than you feel.

'Right,' he smiles, squeezing your arm back.

You know that nothing about this is easy on any of you, but you know it must be torture going to that place alone every day and seeing no progress. No husband should have to see his wife that way, let alone with no support.

The rest of the day passes slowly. You manage to distract yourself by cleaning your room (a task made easier by your lack of belongings and teeming boxes that you still can't bring yourself to unpack) and organizing your schedule for the week ahead.

It creeps towards 4.30 and you finally hear your dad call you from the front door; it's time to leave. It's a half hour car journey to the hospital and your dad breezes there as if he's done it a thousand times. It probably feels like he has. He pulls into a space in the parking lot and turns to you. 'You ready to see her, honey?'

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak. You flash a small smile to your dad, knowing it's not convincing him at all.

'Well, let's go then.'

You step out of the car and follow your dad to the automatic doors. He swipes his access card and holds the door open for you. You wonder how he got the card, and then remember he's here every day, sometimes twice.

You follow the signs to the intensive care unit, where your mom's bed is hidden behind a screen. You've only visited her here once and that was when they first moved her in. It looked the same. It smelled the same. Why is it that hospitals have that smell? It's not a bad smell, it's just... hospital.

Your dad waits behind you as you step up to the nurses' station. 'Hey, we're here to see Laura Boden.'

The nurse, who had been looking at her computer, looks up and smiles. 'Hi. Yes, it's good to see you again... Oh wait, it's you! You're Laura's daughter, right? You look so much like her!'

You smile back. 'Thanks. Is it okay if we see her?'

The nurse nods. 'Of course.'

Your dad smiles at the nurse as she directs you to your mom's bedside. You peek around the curtain, hearing the steady bleeps of the machines that are keeping her alive before you see her.