Affinity (RDJ)

Chapter 12 - No Pressure

By Sunday, you've talked yourself into a stupor, not quite believing how stupid you have been. He's your professor. This sort of thing doesn't actually happen, doesn't actually amount to anything, and there's good reason for that. Hundreds, even.

He'd have reached out by now if he wanted to see you or speak to you, right? If it was on his mind. He could lose his job. His job. And that's even without any more being said or done.

What a huge fuck up this was.

You spend the day in bed, refusing to eat. You're not hungry. You don't want to eat. You're a fool. Serves you right, you think. For trying to have a life outside of the tragedy that defines you. Shaking your head, you pinch your eyes closed, willing the thoughts to leave you so you can make a start on moving on.

You awaken on Monday with a pit in your stomach. The broken sleep has returned with vengeance, but you can deal with that. It's Robert you can't face.

Realising that you'll have to take this on one way or another, you heave yourself out of bed and get ready for the day. Maybe he'll just pretend nothing happened and you can just go back to how it was before.

It aches to think about that. About never having his lips on yours again, never feeling his breath on your neck as he cups your face in his strong hands-

No. Professor. That's it.

Arriving at college, you feel on edge with every corner you take, dreading running into him before you've really decided on your game plan.

'Hey!' comes a voice from behind you. You breathe a sigh of relief to see that it's Lexi and George making their way over to you by the lockers. 'How's the head?' George teases.

'More importantly, how's your head?' you hit back, attempting a joke.

Lexi laughs. 'Yeah you were wasted on Saturday, George.'

George shrugs, chuckling. 'Well I think I've formed a new man crush on Mr Downey. I still can't believe that - a Harper Avery!' he whispers, wide eyed as if speaking forbidden words. You try your best to laugh along, but your smile feels more like a grimace.

'I can't wait for class today!' Lexi exclaims brightly. You feign a smile in return, not wanting to draw attention to your misery. The three of you head for class and you're grateful that Robert's isn't until last period. You hang out with your friends for the morning, but it's hard to focus on anything they say. All that's going through your head is Robert, Robert, Robert.

Before you know it, you're heading to his class alongside your friends who are talking about how to casually bring up the Harper Avery to their new hero. You walk into the room, immediately feeling his eyes on you. You look up to meet them and he smiles warmly, but slightly tensely. 'Hey you three. How are you doing?' he asks as you pass his desk on the way to your seats.

'I'm great Mr Downey!' George says excitedly.

'Yeah, super great, thanks!' Lexi says.

You smile back, unable to meet his gaze. 'Good. I'm, uh, glad my top three students are getting on so well,' he says awkwardly before sniffing and mooching back across to his desk. You all sit down, and the class proceeds as normal. You try to focus on the lesson, but you can't shake the feeling that Robert's eyes are still on you.

He's probably struggling with how to break this off without hurting you. He's so gentle, so caring. The last thing he'll want to do is hurt you.

After the Monday pop quiz, he dismisses class along with the weekly homework. You stay seated as your friends pack up their things, hearing Robert chatting to a group of students as he leans on the doorframe, seeing everyone out.