Affinity (RDJ)

Chapter 14 - Before

You get no sleep at all on Wednesday night. Just as you start to drift, flashes of the car and your mangled arm and the empty back seat and Robert's face all merge into one, startling you into waking again. You toss and turn, trying to find a position that doesn't cause your arm to tingle and burn. You don't find one.

The alarm sounds at 6am and you hit snooze. Your arm is mostly numb, the odd shooting pain ricocheting up your forearm and making you wince.

Then, you remember last night. His dumbfounded face when he saw you, almost looking guilty. But for what? Stringing you along? Because really, you did that yourself. You let your imagination take you to a place where you could be together... where you could become something. But you were fooling yourself all along. And now you're just that girl with a crush on her teacher again.

How predictable.

Only this time, he's painfully aware of it. And that's a thousand times worse.

The ride to school with Rex consists mainly of him telling you stories about the new job and you nodding in response, making the occasional interested noise now and again. You zoned out long ago. '-and then I said to him, Robert, man, you have to tell me who's making you all tense and secretive all of a sudden-' You catch his name mid-sentence which brings you back into focus.

'Wait, sorry I missed half of that. What were you saying about... um, Robert?' you ask, trying not to sound too interested.

'Oh, I was just saying how he's acting all... gooey all of a sudden. And any time one of us pushes him on it he just plays it off and gets all hush hush. He's definitely got something going on with someone I tell ya. Maybe it's someone who works at the school...'

He's grinning as he tells you this story, not noticing you shrinking back into yourself, feeling instant regret for even asking at all. As if you need to hear about how happy he is with his girlfriend or fiancée or whatever she is from your brother of all people. You say nothing, turning your head to look out of the window for the rest of the journey.

You arrive at the school and step out of the car, instantly spotting Robert's Audi in the parking lot. You take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. You have a skills lab with him today but it's not until last period. Not that you'll be any good in skills lab anyway with your hand the way it is at the moment. You make a fist with it as you ponder and another shooting pain bolts up your arm. Sighing, you head into the building and into your first class.

You make it through the morning by focusing on nothing but the teachers and in some cases, pretending to take notes. Lexi and George are chatty enough for the three of you, although you've noticed some knowing looks being passed between the two of them throughout the day. You're pleased that they just let you wallow and don't push. The last thing you need is to try and fabricate an excuse for your mental absence.

You don't have lunch with them either, instead claiming you have to go to the library to do some research for the project. It's not fair for you to bring them down when you're like this. You tell yourself it'll pass, although you have a bad habit of focusing only on the parts of your world that are burning around you rather than the snippets of light that shine through - like Lexi and George, like your brother, like the new found hope for your mom thanks to this clinical trial.

The light will brighten eventually, but for now you need to deal with the darkness. And nobody else needs dragging into that.

You make your way to the library and grab a table in the corner, placing your bag next to you as you rest your throbbing hand on the table. You still have the homework to do for Robert's class, you realise, and it's due today. Shit.