Assassination Incorporated | SEASON 2

✓Chapter 139

Trinity

         Getting hurt by the person you confessed your pain to is the worst type of pain. You don't truly understand the pain unless you're crying and asking yourself to hold on and be resilient while looking in the mirror. The worst part is that when I looked in the mirror, I might have thought that I didn't know how to figure out what was actually wrong with me. Every time I did something, I had the doubt that I had betrayed the person I loved, and I began to wonder if I wasn't doing enough to protect her. When I realize that someone values me as highly as I did, it makes me feel overwhelmed. The biggest misery is being fooled by someone you set a lower standard for. Just because I'm strong enough to handle pain, doesn't mean I deserve it. Tears don't always represent how much suffering there is. Sometimes it's the smile I try to feign.

Parang hindi ko magawang balingan ng tingin ang mga kaibigan na nakatayo sa malayo. Nakangiti pareho sina Axel at Kenny habang nasa magkabilang gilid ang mga magulang at grandparents nila. Samantala nakayuko ang ulo ng isang babaeng pilit kong iwasan ng tingin. Dahil habang tumatagal ay mas lalong kumikirot ang puso ko. Ayaw kong sirain ang gabing 'to ngunit parang siya ang nagbigay ng dahilan para mapagod akong ipagpatuloy ang kasayahan na ito.

Mayamaya bigla akong tumingin kay Dad ng hawakan niya ang balikat ko.

"Is everything alright?" mahinang wika niya.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. "Y-yeah, ayos lang po ako."

"Sigurado ka ba?" pagdududa niya habang minamaliitan ako ng tingin. "Ba't namumula 'yang mga mata mo? Umiyak ka ba?"

"H-hindi po. Baka siguro masama lang ang pakiramdam ko ngayon."

Buntong hininga siya. "Fine. Magpahinga ka na lang siguro pagkatapos ng party."

Isang tango na lang ang binigay ko sa kanya bilang sagot. Tamang-tama inabot sa amin pareho ang lantern na ipapalipad ngayong gabi. Maingat na sinindihan ni Tec ang lantern namin habang pinagtutulungan ng mga ibang tauhan ni Dad ang mga bisita.

We're all gathered on the roof deck at the moment for the bachelor party's last event. As a sign of a fresh start for everyone, we will release lanterns into the sky. As it turns out, they have been working as bachelors for more than a few decades, and it is impossible to avoid the negative things that have happened in the past. It might be beneficial to bring those possessions together with the flying of the lanterns.

Hindi ko talaga ngayon naiintindihan ang sarili. Ni parang nabibingi ako sa sariling damdamin at hindi ko magawang marinig ang bawat pagbigkas ni Dad habang nagsasalita. Lihim na bumuntong hininga ako at saglit na ipinikit ang mga mata.

Di rin nagtagal ay una naming pinakawalan ni Dad ang lanterns na hawak. Agad naman sumunod silang lahat at nagpalakpakan ng makita ang mga naglilipad na kakaibang gandang ilaw sa kalangitan. Bahagyang napakuom ako ng kamay ng makaramdam ng kakaibang kirot at lungkot sa puso. Yung tipong sana katulad din ako ng isang lantern. Malaya at nagsisilibing ilaw sa madilim na kalangitan.

I've always knew a quote saying, 'A first love is the soul's purest kiss'. But in loving memory of my love just had gone away because I believed in her, yet, she killed my love by planting an hatred to someone I thought I wasn't falling to. Sometimes you just have to keep quiet because the things that are going on in your head and heart are too awful for words to describe. Maybe that's why I don't speak up-- I never truly knew or decided what my heart and mind should be doing together.

Pagod na pagod akong nagpaalam kay Dad na abala sa pagpapasalamat sa mga bisitang dumarayo sa party. Hindi naman niya ako pinigilan at hinayaan akong makapagpahinga. Agad akong bumaba sa hagdan patungo sa veranda para magshortcut papunta ng kwarto ko.