𝓦𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 ~ 𝚂𝚊𝚖 𝚆𝚒𝚕𝚜𝚘𝚗

You don't understand........18

A/N: this chapter is inspired by the song above, I think I'm in Love by Kat Dahlia. I do not own this song in anyway shape or form, I just really like it.

After about another week of isolation, I couldn't stay with the thoughts anymore. People. people make the thoughts go away. So I left my room I walk into the main room this morning and see the team eating breakfast.

"Hey, she lives!" Rhodey shouts making a chuckle escape my lips. I walk into the kitchen to get food. Once I get my plate I turn around and see Sam standing in the doorway.

"Are we good?" He asks.

"Yeah...yeah, we're good. I'm sorry for uh, ignoring you? Avoiding you? Isolating myself? However you want to put it, I'm sorry." I reply holding my breath. Slowly Sam walks up to me and wraps me in a hug. I wrap my arms around his body and sink into the feeling of safety that comes whenever he hugs me. He pulls away and we both go back to the group and finish breakfast. After I finish loading the dishwasher from breakfast I walk past the group to go to my room.

"Oh no! Catch her before she disappears forever!" Rohdey shouts and I can't help but laugh.

"Relax I'm just going to get dressed. I'll be back." I say with a small smile before walking away to my room.

In my room I change clothes and start on my make-up.

"Hey," I hear a voice say behind me. I turn around and see steve standing against my door frame.

"Hey, did you want to talk about something?"

"Yeah acctually i was wondering why you've been do distant lately." Steve says. I slow down my movements trying not to making it seem like his words affected me.

"I'm really sorry about that, Uh.... I was trying to avoid something. Still am acctually." I reply focusing back on my work.

"If you don't mind me asking what were you avoiding?" I put my things down and turn around.

"So many questions," I say. "Close the door please," I wait until he closed the door to continue. "You know when two people spend a lot of time together, and they start to really like each other. Yeah that's what's happening, I'm trying to stop it from going any further. I just realized that distancing my self was the wrong was to do it."

Steve silently nods his head. "You want me to elaborate don't you?" again he nods his head. I stand up and plop down on my bed patting the spot next to me.  "You ask me all the time, how I feel and all I say is nothing. But in reality things are so different, color seem so bright, and the stars light up the night. I'm ignoring literally every single sign. I keep on fronting, i'm so fuckng subborn-"

"Language," Steve inturrupts making me laugh.

"I crave us huging, I just can't admit that he's got all the strings and know just how to tug them."

"Who exactly are you talking about?" Steve asks me.

"Some one I've known for a long time. And I think I just recently noticed my feelings for him. I mean im so confused, there was something I saw in him. Yesterday specifically and it has me a mess."

"Wait yesterday... Are you talking about Sam?"

"Sam, man I feel like a freaking child, " I say rolling off my bed. "I can't fall in love so I do? Haha am you always want what you can't have." Steve gets off my bed following me to the window.

"You said love, you love Sam?"

"No, no I don't because I can't. I can't fall in love, I won't let myself. All it does is end in pain and punishment."

"Who taught you such a thing as that?" Steve asks me. I scoff he literally rescued me from the people that taught me such a thing.

"People did, they taught me why I can never fall in love, and that's not something I'm going to share with you." I turn around slightly offended and walk out of my room. Knowing that Steve was not going to drop this.

A/N: so this chapter lowkey sucked...... Ummm have no words for why it sucked but um yeah.

Part nineteen is halfway done and should be completed first thing tomorrow morning.