Not a perfect love story ~ Cate x Reader

Hold On A Little Longer

⚠️Don't read if you're sensitive to SH⚠️

Three days, it's been three days since I've seen cate. Everyday I pound on the door of our house but she's never home. I don't know where she is, I need her. I've been staying at my apartment, alone, depressed. I shouldn't have left, I should have fought harder.

The cops have charged Y/F/N with drug use and sexual assault, but she's not being put away, she just got a fine and thirty day house arrest, its ridiculous , if she were a male they would have locked her up.

I haven't cut, I've been tempted, but I know that if I do it this time I won't be coming back, but that doesn't seem so bad at the moment.

I haven't been going to therapy, there is no point if Cates not with me, I can't get through without her. I can't even bring myself to make a meal and the only time I get out of bed is to pound on Cates door.

~~~

I wake up once again in my dark room to the same empty feeling, waking up in my bed alone, no one to tell me they love me, or give me four head kisses or tell me it's going to be okay when I want to cut.

I lay in bed hugging my body pillow wishing it was cate, I don't know how to reach her, she's not picking up her phone and her kids haven't heard from her, it's like she disappeared. I let my tears fall onto my pillow as I go through my memories with cate. All our laughs and all the kisses and our night at the beach, that one beats them all.

Why must life be so complicated? Why am I so messed up? Why? Why? Why?  I gently rock back and forth as my sobs fill the room. My heart aches I feel so broken yet so numb at the same time, I just want to explain to cate, everything, there is no way she wouldn't believe me.

My sobs start to settle down as I hold my pillow tight to my body. I completely calm down and slowly sit up in my bed, I look around my almost empty room, there is only my bed an almost empty dresser and some water bottles on the floor. I sigh deeply and look down at my tear covered pillow, wishing it was cate, she's the only thing that can make me happy. She began to fix me and then she broke me.

The saddest part is she doesn't even read the messages I leave her, not even the simple 'I love you's" nothing.

I throw the blanket off my body and stand up on the cold hard wood floor. I shiver and take a sharp inhale. I slowly walk to my my bathroom.

I turn the bathroom light on and look in the mirror, my face is red and puffy, my hair is a mess and my dark circles could be seen a mile away. I let more tears slowly stream down my face. I grab my toothbrush and slowly squeeze some toothpaste on the bristles, I take what little energy I have and brush my teeth. If I didn't have cate, I wouldn't care, I probably wouldn't be here. Cate's my reason to hold on, even if she doesn't need me, I need her. I'll always need her, she's my first love and no matter what happens I'll never stop loving her.

I spit out the toothpaste and throw my toothbrush on the counter, I sigh and look at my wrist. I stare deeply at my last attempt, the feelings I felt at that time come rushing back to my memories after all my attempts to shut them away they always come rushing back. "It's ok, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok" I whisper to myself over and over again.

Slowly I compose myself and the feelings partly subside, but they still linger in my brain. I walk out of the bedroom and walk into my living room. All my curtains are closed and the only light is the sun shining through the cracks. I wipe with my tears with a sniffle and grab my phone off it's charger, I text cate like I do every day.

Y/N: Cate I can't hold on much longer...

Y/N: I need you.

Y/N: I love you.