Nothing but the Truth

Part 35 My Reasons To Stay Strong

For this moment in time I have gone back 6 weeks and become depressed again to be honest I've had my good days and my normal days and now before everything's started I got my strength back and I thought "Recovery" and that meant everything because I want to carry on with an open heart and a positive outlook towards my life. But for some reason I have kind of hit rock bottom and it's horrible. It's like a horrible black cloud that hangs over you and everything that can makes you happy. But I want to try and make this somewhat positive and try to think of what's worth my life and I think I know why I'm still here today:

1. My family: I don't always appreciate them but I know I should my mum and my nan do everything for me and if I'm honest I hate the way I treat them I think I only do it to stop myself getting hurt and because after my granddad died that was our family torn apart and I miss my granddad like crazy (Crying while writing this) but I still feel like he'll be sat in his chair at my nans every time I go round. But that's one reason I live.

2. My baby cousins: I feel like if I didn't them to look after and have a laugh with I think I'd be depressed and upset. It'd hell on earth if I didn't have them. I mean being with my baby cousins is the main reason I'm still here and they honestly truthfully are my little world 

3. Darian: If I didn't have him I don't know what I'd do some days. I've been there when he needs me and he's there for me every time I've been down and I know I say this every time I'm in love but I honestly in my heart of hearts think he's the one and he can keep me grounded and he is my only reason for staying strong at college with when I'm mouthed at or upset and I feel like I'm important to him. Since day one me and him have been not only good friends but the relationship we have now is pure perfection and DNS Infinity all the way yo! (LOL). I would do anything for him and he'll do anything for me. Darian's such an amazing person and I honestly couldn't imagine life without him. I was at his 18th Birthday Party in February and I was speaking to his sister and I remember saying to his sis that "I'm in love with him" and I'm happy I said it because in all honesty I truly am in love with him and nothing could change that. And this is me speaking from the heart now I'm in love with Darian and have been ever since day one he's all I've ever known and without him I'd just feel so lost.

4. How I see myself: In my words I'd say talented, beautiful and intelligent. But if I'm completely honest I'm one of those lasses that's been hurt god knows how many times and I'm not just some pretty face I'm me and your meant to either love me or hate me because there truthfully isn't any in between. I'm also a fighter not physically no but emotionally and they say if you believe in something or someone you fight for it or them you don't turn your back on what and who you believe in. 

5. My Friends: I only have a few friends (ex. not just Darian no LOL) but without these friends no way in hell would I have survived without them. Yes my friends are few but I'm lucky to have them Ikra, Becky, Chelsea, William, Gareth, Alan and Danielle and I'm happy to say I'd rather have these people in my life because if I didn't I wouldn't be here. Ikra and Becky are best mates I've ever had.

6. Nothing But The Truth: yes I know it's silly to name this but NBTT and my other writing has made me positive about life and the way I see things my POV does matter and that's why this book has given me the strength I need.

7. Darian's family: I know I've only met his family once but I do like them I like his sis, I like his sister's husband, his aunty yeah in genaral I like his family. While I was at the party I only spoke Darian's sister maybe I dunno 3 times 1st time was because she spelled my name right and I just said "hey I like you, you can spell my name properly" she just laughed because usually people tend to spell my name variously (ex. Shaylie or Shayliegh really it's spelled S-H-A-Y-L-E-I-G-H) so I was quite happy about that. I mean me and his sis did have deep conversation (because lets just say she doesn't trust nobody well not Darian stupid excuses of ex girlfriends) she did tell me a few facts I never knew about him but I'm happy she did cos it saves me making mistakes. Don't get me wrong but I did think I was getting threatened (LOL) but his sis told me it weren't a threat just telling me how it was. The best part was when she told me that she thought I was really pretty (believe me I was like what?!) but she also liked the fact that I make Darian happy and that I'm not proper skinny and runtish (not even a word) but I like his sis and his family probably some of the nicest people I've ever met they're not like other families I've met where they don't cause shit or go and look for trouble like the last two boyfriends families I've met. But I can honestly say that Darian's family are an amazing bunch of people.

8. AFP: (short for Autism Family Practitioners) I have been with the AFP since October and have been seeing a lady called Claire (she's amazing) she gets my point of view and the way I see things. also you know that poem (the one on page 15) I gave Claire that poem and she put it on the AFP's facebook page. I see Claire once a month. Let's just say I'm happy Vicki recommended the AFP because I feel it's giving me more help :).

So now I think about it my reasons to stay strong are pretty good and it feels good writing about them and I think if ever I'm depressed all I have to do is look at this list and reread it until I feel strong again