Nothing but the Truth

Part 4 my darkest days and new relationships

After I left Stonehill School I was so happy it was a dream come true just to leave school. But a few weeks after leaving school there was so much I was missing my friends, I had nothing to do, and I just felt so lonely it was awful then one night I took my pillow held it over my head and just pressed it so hard so i couldn't breath but then after it didn't work I ran down stair and my mum was there and I just went to my mum "Mum I feel suicidal" and with that my mum just hugged me and told me that on wednesday I could speak to my counsellor. When it came to Wednesday I had my weekly meeting with my counsellor I remember being asked loads of questions the one that hit me hard was "If you was to end your life how would you do it?" I answered "if I was to end my life I'd either drown myself in the bath or stab myself straight in the heart" my coucellor looked at me and said "who do you think would find your body?" I was close to tears and I just said "my mum" then this was the question that hit my heart and made me feel really horrible and heartbroken "and how would that be for your mum finding your body" I remember looking down and then saying close to tears "heart breaking" my councellor then decided that I needed more help so they sent me to CAMHS. I got loads of help through CAMHS but before I got into CAMHS I ended up in another relationship this time with a lad I met from the College Life Skills open day where I met Josh Taylor and even before the beginning of the relationship I couldn't but think of Brad and that was awful then one day I got a Facebook message from Josh saying "I don't think I love you because I'm in love with someone else" and with reading that message I was heartbroken absolutely heartbroken and I texted him back saying "who are you in love with then?" he text me straight back saying "I can't say" I made him tell me though and I could have and wanted to kill him he wanted my best friend over me and that was final straw. He drove a wedge between me and Chantelle Phillips and I will never ever forgive him. When we got to college Josh asked Chantelle out again and I was absolute heartbroken again when they held hands in front of me I didn't think much of it but it was the way Chantelle smiled in my face I felt incredibly betrayed by both of them and I couldn't of been more unhappy. That was the day I realised that no matter what I did was never gonna be good enough in anyway, shape or form