Nothing but the Truth

Part 14 Self Harm (Trying to stay strong while falling to pieces)

After Derek I did become so angry and so upset that I thought nothing was gonna go right for me there were moments where I broke down in lesson and when I didn't want the world to know me. I thought nothing was gonna change but then I met Jack through my friend George and me and Jack got into a relationship quite quickly I needed to move on from Derek and I thought getting a new relationship was the answer and I was happy with him I truly wanted him and me to have a relationship where we were so in love because I knew Derek had moved on to this well pretty lass and Derek was happy with her. A few days was all me and Jack spent it was the sixth day of our relationship and me and him had spent the day together before and well he called me at around 3:30 maybe 4:00 and I remember everything he said to me "Hey look right you've been doing my head in and I fancy someone else" I was just in tears and I remember saying "don't do this to me please don't do this to me" and Jack was just reassuring me "you'll find someone new there's someone out there for you but I don't think I'm the one for you" it was awful I swear and that lead me wanting Derek back I was so confused I didn't know whether I wanted Jack or Derek back I kicked off I smashed doors, screamed and shouted. Every night I had that same worry that same stress and I made myself sick and the old suicidel, emotional Shayleigh came back I swear down I thought everything was my fault and I made such a stupid decision and that was to end my life not end it but to cut myself and I remember walking down stairs going into the kitchen and I was looking for a knife or a blade to cut myself I was shaking from my head to toe it was awful tears streamed down both of my cheeks I closed my eyes and slowly used the blade across my arm and it was awful it stinged like mad. When going back to college I wasn't happy at all but I had to stay strong even when Derek rubbed his new girlfriend in my face I thought "I know I still like Derek but if that's the nasty bastard he is then fuck him" I am gonna carry on though and nothing can stop me. But what I did learn from self harm is that the key to recovery isn't to self harm or fight with your demons it's realising your gonna do amazing things, that good things come to you in time and that you'll be ok.