Nothing but the Truth

Part 41 My Darian Memories

To be honest I know this is me repeating the same things but I know how I feel about Darian now and I think it's only right for me to rethink the good and bad of my whole relationship with Darian.

1. Christmas Card message in my card: "Thanks for being there for me babe its been a tough year but I'm in a happy part of life now". His sister must have wrote it but Dazza told her what to put and it really made me smile and my heart just melt.

2. Facetime Calls: When me and Darian wasn't at college we were on Facetime call that would usually cut off (haha) he would ring me when it was either 9.00am or 10.00 and I'd probably of been woken up (thank you Dazza Hartland don't need my alarm clock when your around haha :) ) we'd usually talk random shit and laugh. I miss being able to Facetime Dazza cos if anything they'd always leave me smiling and I think the had the same effect on him

3. My Depression (4 weeks): When I was depressed Dazza was there for me all the way through yeah we argued at one bit Dazza stood by me and made sure I was ok all the way through and I don't think no ones ever done that for me.

4. His Party: (in the end it was ridiculous yes but any who) First arriving I didn't think much of the hotel except it was small I remember saying to my mum "is that it?" (LOL stuck up cow I am) I thought to myself their (On about his sister, his sister's husband and Darian) inside probably but when I saw another car pull up I thought hang on first out the car was Darian and my face just lit up "hey Dazza" I said "alright" said Darian I don't think neither me or Dazza could go over and give each other a cuddle quick enough we were so over the moon to see each other. That night was amazing both me and Dazza were head couple at the table well apart from Dazza's sister and her husband. Me and Dazza had a good few pics from that night. I remember when I was needed the loo I said to Dazza "I might need your sister to unzip me" (I was in a playsuit and no tights so I was freezing tho the heat at that hotel was ok except it made me feel sick than again maybe that was the Budweiser) Dazza just turned round to his only mate that was at the party and said "dude get my sis I'm gonna stay with Shayleigh" so Dazza's mate went to get his sister and while we were alone I put my arms around his neck (you know like in slow dance) and just kissed him slowly. After going back into the party I was all over Dazza kissed him and he nearly fell off his chair (LOL), I showed Darian's sister one of my fave pics of Darian which is where he's fake glasses and smiling (LOL geeky smile) I remember his sister just laughed "there them 3D glasses aren't they" she said "yeah" said me and Dazza in unison. Though there was one moment that did worry me and that was after his 4th or 5th pint when he was just elbows on the table and looked sad I remember rubbing his back and he just turned his head to me "what's up baby?" I asked "nothing I'll be ok" said Dazza I couldn't resist not giving him a cuddle. TBH I'll never forget that night just that night was just me and Darian and I loved it.

5. When he was ill: about a week after the party Dazza became ill he said it was a smoker's cough (yes he does smoke a bit sort of stopped after getting with me) all Dazza was like was really tired, cuddly and all he wanted was me there. On the Monday he was on the landing outside the drama hall sat on these seats "this cough is driving me crazy" said Dazza "yeah I know" I said Dazza was just coughing I've never seen him so badly in a long time so I laid him down "relax baby just relax you know I'm here" his neck was in my right hand while I stroked his hair with my left hand "it's ok just relax" I said I kissed his forehead and he kinda calmed down tho he was really poorly one of the lasses called him and told him to get to class. Darian didn't come in on the Wednesday but he did come in on the Thursday and I couldn't help but want to make him comfy and better most of the day I was giving him back rubs, stroking his hair, kissing him and cuddling him I was with Darian all that day I didn't want him to be on his own and definitely not in that state.
6 Wig Wednesday: (this was the day we had our first kiss well make out kiss) I knew because wig Wednesday was a cancer charity and I don't wanna give to much away here but Dazza's mum did die from cancer so I knew how hard it was gonna be for Dazza nd it was kinda hard for me too (because 1. I never knew his mother and 2. Because I know how hard it is too lose someone that means so much to you) but I did really look after him so that way if he did get emotional at least he'd have me there to cuddle him. At break cos I'd just come back from a trip to a café with my group I just went to the 4th floor and I just sat with Dazza "well what's up?" I said "I dunno can't stop thinking of my mum I mean one of the tutors asked if I wanted to talk about it and I was like no if I need anyone to talk to I'll talk to Shayleigh" said Dazza I could of cried when he said that. At lunch I had to return some outfit I didn't like to primark but before I did I went into Darian's class "hey am I allowed to see Darian?" I said by the door the tutor let me in "hey you" I said wrapping my arms around Dazza "alright" said Dazza "yeah you okay" I said "yeah" said Dazza "I've gotta go primark you gonna be ok until I get back" I said I gave him a kiss on the cheek "aww is that your girlfriend?" Said the tutor "yeah" said Dazza "aww isn't she lovely" said the tutor. In the lecture theatre after lunch I was sat with Darian I did kinda get emotional I turned round to Darian "I'm getting teary for some reason" I said to Dazza and Dazza just held my hand "the next person who walks in wearing a pink wig I'm gonna either one of two things 1st thing is walk out second thing is cry"  said Dazza and one of the lads came in all in pink pink shirt pink wig you name it and Dazza head was just in his hands (and I know when he's got his head in his hands he's upset or angry). Now onto our first make out lol um well the computer room was all quiet I turned to Dazza "it's so quiet in fact too quiet" I said "yeah" said Dazza (okay slutty moment) I went over to Dazza and I began kissing him it was can I say this that moment was purely HOT!! (Tbh I don't think Darian's ever been kissed where he's had a girl on top of him but tbh he's quite good at it).
7. I used to massage him if he was stressed or upset
8. We did have arguments about not being able to see each other where I was I'd say I'm probably more strong when it comes to a fight or argument (tho I do have my emotional side where I start crying) but all those arguments hurt so much because if I'm 100 percent honest no one has ever meant so much to me in a long time. The worst argument we ever had was when he told me that I couldn't come to his on the weekends nd this was in May I remember going into the girls loo and I was in tears. And when I went to class I couldn't calm down and when one of my mates blabbed out (maybe by accident) the ending of Dazza's party I went out of the classroom shouting "I'm gonna rip his head off!" "I wanna kill him!" "Two faced bastard!" You name it I was shouting it. It took one LSA to calm me down she took me into this little um office room and asked me what had gone off and I told her that me and Darian had had a bust up I was crying as the LSA went to get Darian so me and Dazza could talk things out. When Dazza did come into the room I couldn't talk to him the LSA asked him what had gone down "she thinks my sister hates her" Dazza said (tbh it's true the ugly horsetoothed slag) "has your sister actually said this?" Asked the LSA Dazza just was head in his hands "well yeah but..." And that was where my defensive side kicked in (and now I'm gonna admit the terrible end to Dazza's party... Oh god) "but it wasn't my fucking fault was it when the roads were closed and my mum doesn't like country lanes you didn't even give a damn when I was sat crying and the one person I thought would of give a damn was you" I had to interrupt "yeah I do love you ALRIGHT I DO HONESTLY DEEP DOWN LOVE YOU" Dazza raised his voice "then why is it when I try making plans for us to be together when we're not at college it's always I can't excuse I can't bullshit I can't another excuse you don't love me if you did you'd want to see me outside college you'd want us to be together outside college" I said "I do wanna see you outside college" said Dazza "do you hell as. If you did you wouldn't make up excuses!" I said I raised my voice "look I've had stuff stolen..." Said Dazza I interrupted again "yes but I'm not Lisa I'm not that skinny minging bitch I'm Shayleigh and I thought you loved Shayleigh not fucking Lisa" (that really had to come out) "I know okay I know" said Dazza "you don't love me you won't even fight for me so... I'm done I'm gone..." I said I stood up and what I said next just could of destroyed everything I told him before running out and crying my eyes out that.... I hated him 😭😭😭 words said within anger are often words said without thought I did regret it 100%. He really means the world to me and arguments don't mean anything when two people share a world and life together (soppy romantic me).
9. The day Darian told me he liked me:
This was before we were together together (if that makes sense back 2013). Me and Darian were just hanging out outside college or the fag area and Dazza was having a fag "I like you" said Dazza "you what" I said "yeah I like you I've liked you since that day in July when we first met" said Dazza. I was actually happy he said that because I'd never expected what happened at the end of the day I walked him to his taxi and... I looked at the ground then I looked at Dazza and we shared a kiss 💏 it was like something out of the fault in our stars (Hazel and Gus in the Anne frank house)
10. Number ten would be talking about his mum because I'll never meet her and I was asking Dazza one lunch time about his mum "she was amazing just really lovely did everything for me and my sister like she'd be there if me and my sister were fighting used to look after me" Dazza told me I see it in his face that his mum was his everything he's told me in the past that his mum would of loved me too pieces. Dazza's only ever told me that his mum used to look after him, used to give him massages (neck and feet), used to cuddle him and used to stroke his hair. Tbh I wish I could meet her she sounded like such a lovely woman.
11. I used to stroke his hair (got used to it after Dazza had his cough) we'd either be sat somewhere I'd just sit with  Dazza and I used to like play with his hair (his gorgeous curly blond hair).
12. Every time I collapsed with depression he was there to cuddle me and keep my from falling apart.
13. This is the same as what's on part 40 but it's the end before the summer came round okay... Before I left for the doctors I saw Darian "Dazza your bracelets are with Chantelle" I said "right thank you" said Dazza I don't think I could go over nd give him a cuddle quick enough "do you think we're gonna get back together?" Said Dazza I looked at him still cuddling I really wanted to say yes "we'll have to wait" I said "I do love you and I know you miss me and love me and today you've proved it too me that you love me so I'm definitely gonna think about it" "okay then" said Dazza I pulled away slowly and we shared a kiss before I walked away if there's one thing I do wish is... (Start the countdown 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1 drop the bombshell) I wished I'd of turned round walked straight over to him in fact run straight over to him (despite wearing sandals haha lol) and said this "we've been through enough together and despite what you sister thinks and my mum thinks yes that party was a joke but... You've been the best thing to ever happen to me and I love you tons Dazza and tbh fuck the past fuck the party fuck your sister fuck other people's opinions I fucking love you so much and nothing can change that I love you take me back" and just to see, feel or hear his reaction the perfect scenario of me say that would be being pick up and cuddled and hearing him say "I'm gonna take you back as my girlfriend" I think I'd melt into a puddle and maybe happy tears and to have a long cinematic kiss would of been my happy ending to a hectic college year.
Darian really has meant the world to me and I love him beyond unconditionally yes he drives me crazy yes he's a nutter yes he's a sweet heart and I dunno what I'd do without him he's my baby, my world, my gorgeous fella, but most importantly he's my Dazza and I love him enough to walk across an ocean.