Nothing but the Truth

Part 9 my relationship with Derek (Boyfriend/Girlfriend) Part 4

I don't know where to start off at first Derek was quite iffy jiffy but what I can remember is just that day after getting with him just going on webcam, commenting on his pictures, taking cheesy pics through webcam and just laughing. I felt so happy with Derek but part of me was being like "Shayleigh are you an idiot?" cos to be honest I'd been single for too long after what happened with Brad so I was on edge. Even though I loved him I couldn't trust him and most of the text messages were quite intimate but sexual texts messages so on the 6th of January he was sending me these intimate but sexual texts and that lead me questioning if he actually loved me so I text him "saying I can't be in a relationship with you I don't feel madly in love with you I'm sorry" but after I did it I felt so guilty that I didn't talk to anyone on Facebook I just sat over-thinking about what I'd done and wondered if it was right or not. Then after a few hours I just text Derek saying "hi" the guilty kind of hi that made me go in tears and he text me back saying "hi" it was an awkward conversation cos I had to tell him that I did indeed love him and that I'd meet him in town the next day. But unfortunatly my mum didn't have the money and I could go so I stood Derek up when he text me saying "where are you?" I had to make myself look an idiot and tell him that I couldn't meet him. That lead to another argument where I was so angry with myself I remember going down stairs in tears and just saying to my mum "I hate him these arguments are fucking getting to me" and I remember my mum saying "well I know he shouldn't be going on like this cos we haven't got the money and Christmas has just gone". When I got back to college I realised that I did love Derek even though stirrers and other people tried to get involved weren't happening me and Derek were sticking together despite the shit we got. Now I do have a jealousy problem and it did come out through Derek cos one time I went over to Derek hugged him and we were just hand in hand I don't think I had 5 minutes with him before he was dragged off by my mates ex girlfriend I remember her just dragging him away from me and saying something like "Derek can you take this call for me?" and I was so angry and upset that I went over to one of my mates and just said "it's not right he shouldn't be taking her phone calls she should sort it for herself and leave Derek out of it" my mate just was by my side and being there for me and after a bit Derek was looking for me "babe..." said Derek I just turned round and I was too upset to talk so Derek came over gave me a hug and just said "what's up babe?" I was still too upset to talk he asked me again "what's up?" and I remember my mate saying "I know what's up with her" Derek just looked at my mate. Later on I just said to him through Facebook that I felt threatened by his friends and that he'd just leave me for them and I seriously hated that but Derek assured me that he did love me and that wouldn't leave me and cheat on me.