Nothing but the Truth

Part 40 Could There be a New Spark?

Well I don't know what to say... So okay I guess I could say before the summer hols me and Darian have started to get a spark back for each other ending the relationship hasn't been easy for the first week after we broke up we weren't allowed to see or talk to each other yeah we saw each other round but we could hardly speak to each other. I knew Dazza missed me tho he'd always look at me every time he past a class room I was in. The following week on Monday after being stuck in a shit load of traffic I saw Darian and his group going into town so I just said hello and carried on to college as I was incredibly late. When Darians class had come back from town Darian came straight up the escalator and I turned round and walked over to him "I kinda knew you'd be up here" said Dazza "yeah" I said we hugged a little "what did you wanna talk to me about?" I asked "I thought it was you that wanted to speak to me" said Dazza I honestly didn't know where to start I was shaking so we went over to some seats and starting talking "well I know you kinda miss me nd I know I kinda miss you" I said "how can you tell?" Asked Dazza I eye rolled and shrugged "you keep looking at me every time you see me nd you can't help but look and I'm kinda of the same" I explained again why I ended it this time in a more calmer manner he told me he'd spoken to his ex a bit I didn't think nothing of it but what I did say was that if me and that Connor I met hadn't crossed paths again then me nd Dazza would get back together I remember Dazza asking about my scars one one right arm and the little lines on my left arm I kinda looked down then looked at him "self harm marks" I said "why do it?" Dazza asked I was close to tears saying this "not being allowed to speak to you anger hurt being upset in general" I said Dazza looked sad straight away he had a cut near where his knuckle of his little finger was and I got it straight away that he'd done the same as what I'd done. Going back to when I said to him it's over I remember crying and saying to him "this is something I wanted to avoid for a long time I never wanted to hurt you when your sister told me you'd been hurt too many times that's the only reason I stayed..." It was the truth ever word of it and it wasn't just being threatened to stay with him it was because I did deeply love him I truly mean that on this page and with what's in my heart. Anyway back to that day I had my phone in my hand and looked for the song I'd been listening to for the week since breaking up with Darian we were sat listening to space bound (my fave eminem song) even Dazza told me he'd been listening to eminems space bound a lot I got the song to the end (well my fave lyrics from the song) I kind was expecting Dazza to hold my hand but I shrugged it off and looked at him (the I still love you and I regret breaking up look) but I did put my hand in his and I could tell instantly he had the same look on his face as I did. I also remember asking him about this accusation that I'd slept with his brother Dazza told me it was a false rumour and I'll believe Dazza on that 100%. I couldn't go in on Wednesday because I had a headache from stress. Thursday came round and I saw Dazza speaking to billyjoe and William I walked over didn't want to but I did same as I did Monday couldn't go over and give him a cuddle quick enough "hey up sexy" (the shit I come out with lol) we went to shop and got two energy drinks. When we got back from the shop me and him got questioned from one of the lads in Dazzas class asking if we were back together we said no when deep down I think we both wanted to say yeah. What we did say tho is that we were just friends and then the lad asked him if he was with anyone or if I was with anyone we both said no. After the lad had left I turned round to Dazza and said "you're with someone aren't you?" Dazza looked so guilty telling me "I'm back with her I was with before you came along" that answer just broke my heart "I was gonna tell you and are you okay with that?" I just wanted to cry I got up and ran outside Dazza had followed me tho "Shay can I just try and explain?" Said Dazza I turned round I think I either shouted or screamed at him "No just no!" I knew he was in bits. I then went over Chantelle Philips and a few of the lads were outside I remember running over to them shouting saying "he's a selfish wanker he's never cared about me he cares about himself like his joke of a sister" I then saw Dazza and the lad who'd spoken to us previous I saw Dazza so angry nd upset from telling me. He went over and rolled a fag with billyjoe and a few other lasses and lads. I was dead angry nd hurt Robert came over to me and told me that Dazza still had feelings for me "well tell him to come over and tell me then" I said Dazza came over to where me and the others were "Shay I do still have feelings for you" Dazza said he came over to me and tried to cuddle me but I was having none of it I got my headphones off him I carried on with taking selfies of random shit my friends. After I kind of calmed down I let Dazza sit with me and join in with some selfies me and Dazza kinda got closer that day I hugged him a few times "hey come here" Dazza said I was kind of expecting a cuddle but after we did cuddle I was kinda shaky but when he kissed me I felt so happy and I'll be honest I have never seen Dazza want me so much. "aww Shayleigh you and Dazza should get back together" said Chantelle I said "maybe Hun maybe it's still early days". At the end of break I was stood with Dazza Chantelle "we meeting up at lunch then" I said "yeah of course" said Chantelle I noticed my class were going in "right you two I'll see you at lunch" I said gave Dazza a cuddle and went to class (where I was sat bored shitless). Lunch time came round and I went over to the grass me and Dazza took some right cute pictures my fave had to be a pic of me and Dazza on the grass (well laid on the grass) Me and Dazza had such a good day that day when I look at photos I keep reminding myself of how good that day turned out. We had a lot of fun at lunch time as well we were all over each other laughing taking selfies the best moment of that day even tho I was having a bit of a sad mood was when I was laid on the grass phone on my tummy had one of my favorite inspirational songs on (Titanium Madilyn Bailey cover) Dazza was looking down at me laid on the grass on my back and he put his arm around me with his hand on the left side of the grass "what's up?" Dazza asked "nothing much just this song kinda makes me think a little bit" I said and I turned my face, looked at Dazza's hand next to my left side and I remembered back to when we had our first proper kisses (e.g his party, that day in the computer room)I turned my face to the right and looked at Darian "Daz Daz" I said quietly he went on his side and laid next to me "yeah" said Dazza I looked away a little bit before I said "get on top baby" Dazza got on top of me and we started really kissing and/or (Shayleigh Hartland Dirk please) making out and I realized in that hot romantic moment I felt the old butterflies come back it was just the best feeling ever. I asked my tutor that because I had a doctors appointment if it was ok for me to go in Darian's to watch Despicable Me (haha love it it's so fluffy I'm gonna die) both tutors agreed it was ok I was sat with Dazza and I tried on a few of his bracelets one with a purple skull the other a black one with crosses at 2:15 it was break time me and Dazza went on the landing of life skills Dazza had his arm round me "I dunno what to say Dazza thanks for a great day" I said "I did miss you a lot tho the you that you were when we first got together I think I've gotten my butterflies back for you" "it's better now unlike last week when we were avoiding each other and weren't allowed to speak to each other at least we're speaking now" said Dazza we were both just quiet and if I'd of had the chance to I would have easily got him laid down with me on top and we'd of made out again. It was such a good day before I went home I took Dazzas bracelets off and gave them to Chantelle and told her to give them to Dazza when she saw him I did manage to see Dazza again "your bracelets are with Chantelle" I said "alright then" said Dazza we hugged "we gonna get back together then" I really wanted to say yes but I've gotta wait for the summer to be over before I make any decisions about me and Dazza and I know deep down I love him and I know deep down he loves me it'll just take some time apart to see if we're both serious about each other and before I left I couldn't help but (and I know this is going to said cheesy and sappy) but look Dazza in his gorgeous blue eyes before kissing him and leaving. When Friday prom day came I couldn't enjoy it I enrolled for next year and I couldn't cope at all so I was told I could either go home or stay and there was no way I was staying I was crying over Dazza and I don't think I've cried that hard since losing my grandad. Dazza if your reading this please note I love you I always have your the best thing that's happened to me in a long time and I do love you I want us again...❤️