Half A World Away [H.S]

21. AUG 28TH part 2

TW: DRUGS, BLOOD, CUTTING AND SUICIDAL ACTS

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My shadows follow me in my sleep

They tell me all the things that I can't be
My paranoia's creepin' in
Turns out my demons are my only friends

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ADRIANA'S POV.

As the day turned into evening, and the sun was starting to fall into a sunset, my heart would accelerate its speed every time I accidentally allowed my mind to think about the time. It was too late to back down now, and completely childish of my part to not show up to my own mother's event and as much my anxiety was telling me to stay and not go through with it, I couldn't let it take over me, I couldn't let my demons win, because no matter what, me being there and mentally harming myself to stay calm and not blow into a panic attack or staying here and physically harming myself for letting my mind overpower me was equality painful, but disappointing others was much worse than any blood I have watched drip down my wrist into the sink.

Michael and his team are down in the basement packing their stuff, while Britney and I are in my bedroom, her sitting by the desk with her computer on it, answering some emails too focused to notice me going into the bathroom and closing the door.

Today was still her first day, and she has heard way more than I would have let somebody so new know about me, and if she was smart enough she would have connected the dots for some of the information provided during Michael's and I conversation. But the drugs, the panic attacks, the demons and all the darkness of my mind that nobody knew was something that I was planning on keeping away from her for as long as I could, knowing that she will see some of it, hopefully not all, soon.

With the bathroom door closed, I opened the drawer that held the small clear package Justin had given to me earlier in the day, picking it up and opening the package.

There was enough molly for now, later tonight and some for tomorrow morning, and if it wasn't for my dosage I would say it would be enough for tomorrow night as well, but since I have no plans for tomorrow night and have to have my brain and demons numbed up for the next 3 hours at least, I am doubling the dosage for tonight which will leave just enough for the today show tomorrow.

I take a pair of tweezers I had in the same drawer as I first had the small package, flipping around my fingers and holding it upside down, so I can use it as a spoon to dig into the white powder.

I use the metal object to stir the powder around, trying to break any bigger pieces into the powder form it is supposed to be, finally once it's all evened out, I dig and lift the tweezers taking the amount I do not necessarily need but definitely the amount I have been craving all day.

I lifted the metal object to my mouth, parting my lips and bringing my tongue out, I looked at the powder then at my own reflection in the mirror, staring deep into my own eyes, mentally saying goodbye to my demons as I placed the powder on the back of my tongue.

Molly takes a few minutes until it starts to work, allowing the body to slowly get used to the sensation and dominance of the drug. So as I am waiting for that slow adrenaline to hit, making me impatient, without even thinking I quickly dig the tip of my pinky into the clear package, getting a small amount to help the drug that is already in my system to sink in faster, by placing my finger in front of my nose and inhaling the powder.

The unnecessary amount of the drug hit my bloodstream instantly, once going down from my nostrils, making me feel every inch of my body move in a fast, but also slow motion. Hearing my heart be as if it was just right by my ears, feeling every strain of hair on my body move with the soft cold air that was coming from the ceiling AC.