Half A World Away [H.S]

02. AUG 13TH

AUG 13TH

Have you ever seen a night owl and a morning person in one? hi, my name is Adriana and that is ME. I have periods in my life where I am the most productive during the night, where I will go to the gym at 2 in the morning, write an essay, read a book, write the beginning of a song that never gets finished, I have about 300 of those, and have those times where i will go to sleep at 8 in the evening to wake up at 4 in the morning, and do it all, gym, essay, book, and lyrics, before 10 am comes around.

It is 6 in morning, I am wide awake, ready to conquer the world, while my father, hm, that man won't get out of his room until 11 am, unless we are lucky, which doesn't happen often, he will be up by 9, but don't bet on it.

The sun was shining through the large windows into my room, the day was promising beauty, and I wasn't going to be the one to waste it by staying inside, so I quickly rushed to the bathroom to get the water ready while I ordered room service for breakfast. 

"Good morning, I am calling from room 2011, and I would like to order room service please..." The front desk quickly answer the phone with a lot of energy in their voice

"How can I help.." The way the lady on the order side of the line spoke to me was so suiting, made me wanna hear her read me a book or something.

"I will have a black coffee, two toasts with scrambled eggs, and half of a papaya with honey please..." The mixture of my breakfast wasn't always pleasing to my stomach, but it was what I was craving at the moment."... Thank you so much." After repeating my order to confirm it was correct, the lady informed me that it would be in my room shortly.

As I waited for my breakfast to arrive, I go back to the bathroom and begin to undress myself, by taking off my Pj's pants, revealing my half naked body in the mirror, and while still with a tank top on, I turn to the side, staring at all the imperfection revealed through the mirror, and the crazy thoughts, the thoughts that almost put me in a hospital, the thoughts that sometimes make me do crazy things, like eat a world and throw everything up at a random bathroom 5 seconds later, begins to form in my head. 

Yes, it is unhealthy, I am very much aware of it, I have lived with it throughout my entire life. Growing up on the spot light, has its pros and cons, and once I was in the transition from being a child with a fast metabolism, that can eat anything and not gain weight to a teenage girl developing breast with a slower metabolism, I experienced the cons for the first time, when paparazzis were quick to snap pictures of me, which was put to the world to see how much weight I had gained, and it was that same spring, 6 months after my 14th birthday, that I first passed out from not eating. I had been starving myself for over 36 hours and the only thing that didn't make me collapse earlier was that I was drinking water every 5 minutes. 

From the first time I passed out, to the second took about 4months, I was scared that I wasn't gonna wake up again if I did that again, but I slowly began to starve myself, from 12 to 20 hours the first few weeks, then a full day, I went a good 2 months doing that without passing out. After a year, I had passed out about 5 to 8 times. It didn't scare me anymore, but surely was a heart attack to my parents every time they found their daughter almost dead on her bedroom floor. It was winter break of my sophomore year that I found out I could eat the world and just throw everything up minutes later, and It wouldn't affect my weight, it got so bad to the point I would have dinner with my parents and wouldn't even try to hide the fact that i was going to the bathroom to puke all the food I had just eaten, and it was that 2 summers later, right before senior year and finding out my mother had cancer, that I was checked into a clinic with a doctor on my ass for 24 hours, to make sure, I was eating and not puking it later. Bathroom didn't have locks, the bedrooms didn't have doors, and everyday at 3pm, we had a meeting, with all the patients and doctor Melendez, to talk about our feelings and the food we ate that day. Ugh I hated every second of it.