Untouchable face

14.

He was alone. For the first time since he had gotten hurt, Derek was totally alone in his room. Mom had had to watch one of Sophie's kids and Maggie...he wasn't exactly sure where his girlfriend had gone. He had snapped at her earlier and then had woken up to an empty room. It was actually pretty nice. He wasn't entirely sure but he had a feeling that it might have something to do with how snappy he had been. He was used to having alone time, used to being by himself as he drove to a site and in the office sometimes but since he had gotten hurt, there was constantly someone around him. And it was just hard. He was a people person, he liked people but he needed silence sometimes. He needed moments to himself when he could clear his head. Right now, his head was anything but clear and he just wished his girlfriend wasn't so worried.

He got it. If she was the one who had gotten hurt, he'd probably be a wreck but she was driving him nuts with worrying. She was always there, adjusting his pillow, bringing him books, holding his hand and talking quietly. It was amazing and he knew he was lucky to have her but god, he needs a break. So he just needed some time to himself. He hadn't wanted to snap at Maggie or chase her away, but he was grateful for this time. He could at least try to think through the fog.

Not that he had much to think about right now. Lying in bed for days on end officially meant that his thoughts were kind of spinning in circles. Nothing was happening, nothing was new, nothing had changed. His thoughts had definitely started to go stagnant. Which made this all so much worse. He wanted to get back to who he had been, but even that thought felt stale. Everything in his life felt stale right now and he had no idea how to get out of this funk.

According to Kath, depression was pretty common in patients but he wasn't sure it was that. He had never battled with depression before and he liked to think he wouldn't just because he fell of the roof. He just needed something to happen, something to change how boring life had become.

"Mr. Shepherd?" There was a knock at the door and Dr. Grey walked in.

"Oh...hi Dr. Grey," Derek breathed.

"Sorry I'm late," she murmured as she grabbed his chart, head down.

"It's okay, I didn't even notice. Time is kind of...fuzzy," he sighed.

"Hmmmm..."

"So...it's okay."

"Okay."

"Was enjoying being alone."

"Yeah, alone," she murmured, looking up at his IV bag. He focused on her face for a second, taking in her red eyes and the lines across her forehead.

"Dr. Grey..." he whispered, because something was wrong here. She was still a little foggy in his mind but he knew she was usually talkative and funny and while she looked tired, she never looked quite like this.

"How's your pain on a scale of one to ten?" she asked.

"Six? I think six," he sighed. "Maybe seven."

"So an eight."

"Oh...yeah."

"Okay," she murmured, writing in his chart.

"Dr. Grey..."

"I'll be done in a second, Mr. Shepherd."

"Derek," he sighed.

"I..."

"Derek."

"You're my patient."

"And you can't call me by my first name?"

"It's just...inappropriate."

"You never call patients by their first name?"

"I just..." Dr. Grey shook her head.