Untouchable face

29.

Meredith generally hated talking. She did anything she could do to avoid it even from the people she was closest to but right now she was pretty sure she needed to talk. She actually had a feeling that if she didn't talk to someone, she might explode or something. She felt like she was going to explode at least. Her day had been completely and totally crazy. Actually, most of her day had been fine. And then Derek's sisters had ambushed her and her day had just gone completely to hell. Because now her brain was swirling and she was pretty sure she was going to pass out or something.

His sisters had wanted a psych eval, and she understood why. Derek had been a mess when she had walked into the room. But he was Derek and she had known what to do, she had long since figured out how to push herself into Derek's head. And everything had gone perfectly. She had gotten him to talk. He had talked and there had been laughing and...he had seemed better. And then she had hugged him. She had just wanted him to be better and then he had...they had...she wasn't even sure. Except there had almost been a kiss. And they couldn't kiss. They could do a lot of things but kissing was...he was in love with his girlfriend.

Except it had definitely happened. Her head was all foggy and spinny but she knew it had definitely nearly happened. And she didn't think she was remembering it wrong but she was sure he was the one who had done most of the leaning in or whatever it was. She had turned her head, she knew that much. She had turned her head and he had looked...okay, he probably hadn't looked disappointed. She was dreaming that part, but he hadn't exactly looked relieved. She had no idea what to think about any of it, but her head was spinning and she didn't know what to do.

Which was why she had called her sister. She usually would call Cristina and go to the bar and get drunk, but she had tried that with this whole Derek situation and it hadn't helped at all clearly. So now she had called Lexie. And on second thought she had called Aaron too. Aaron was a great guy and well...he was a guy. And a friend. Neither of them would judge her or say horrible things. They would just listen and try to help. And that's what she needed right now. She needed someone, anyone, to give her some good advice about this mess.

Because she had no idea what she was supposed to do now. She couldn't kiss him, she had been trying to tell herself she couldn't even think about that way and now she officially had to admit she was in over her head. This was just bad, really bad.

All her life, she had been terrified of becoming her mother. Actually and completely terrified. She had done so much to make sure she wasn't her mom, and one of those things was making sure she didn't get involved with anyone, and especially not married men. She wasn't going to be a homewrecker, and that's what she was being with Derek. He might not be married but he was far from single. He had a girlfriend, who he lived with and loved, a really sweet girlfriend who was starting to think of getting married and Meredith wasn't going to be the woman that destroyed that. She couldn't do that to people. It would be awful and she just couldn't do it. She might like Derek but he was still with someone else and she wasn't going to be her mother. Which was why she had called Lexie and Aaron. She needed someone to tell her what to do.

"Meredith?" she heard Lexie call from the front door.

"Come in!" she called as she put out the chips and dip.

"Okay," Lexie yelled back.

"I'm in the kitchen!"

"What are you doing in the kitchen?" Lexie asked as she walked in.

"Just...getting chips and dip and beer," Meredith sighed.

"Oh...going all out," Lexie smiled.

"I...yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't...can you wait? Aaron should be here soon."

"Aaron's coming?" Lexie frowned. "I thought you broke up."