Untouchable face

24.

Something in Meredith was telling her that she was officially dating Aaron. She wasn't sure what, but she had a feeling as she sat next to him at Joe's, sharing a plate of nachos, that they were actually dating. He held her hand, he touched her, he paid for her...they had to be dating. And she wasn't sure how she felt about it. He was really nice, really nice. And not in the boring, kind of like a puppy way, he was just nice and funny and easy to talk to and she usually liked being around him. It was a lot more than she could say for a lot of the guys she had met in her life. He was a good guy and she was enjoying being with him. Well, usually she enjoyed being with him. Usually, she thought he was really funny and she actually liked the way he touched her, or the look he gave other guys when they moved in close to her. But today, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't focus on their conversation. She couldn't even laugh with him.

It was stupid, really stupid. She felt really bad about it but she just...couldn't do it tonight. And she had a sinking suspicion that it had something to do with the fact she had been in the middle of a conversation with Derek when Aaron had interrupted. It had been a great conversation, really funny and...something. She couldn't exactly describe how her chats with Derek made her feel, but she really felt like this chat had turned into something else. And she had been enjoying it until Aaron had found her for their non-date date thing. She hadn't been ready to stop talking to her patient, whose eyes were clear now.

He was still pretty hopped up on meds but not nearly as bad as he had been and she could really talk to him. Which was stupid because she usually hated talking period but talking to Derek felt really different. He made talking really easy and kind of fun and she was starting to feel like she could tell him anything. There were a few things she just didn't talk about, but during her conversation with Derek, she had been tempted. She had been tempted to tell him all about her insane mother and her crappy nannies. She had been tempted to talk to him about the dark and twisties. But instead, they had been interrupted. And now he was probably talking to his girlfriend.

Which was good, it was. Derek loved his girlfriend and she was his doctor and he didn't need to hear about all of the crap she had dealt with in her life. Even if he acted like he would actually understand her and care about it all, it was best she didn't tell him everything. But then there was the fact that he had seemed so...unsure about things with Maggie. A part of her had gotten excited when he had said he wasn't sure if they would get to the marriage part, which made her feel like shit. Maggie was a great person, really sweet and funny. She didn't deserve someone else getting excited about the lack of commitment in her relationship.

And Maggie had been nothing but nice and amazing to Meredith so it was just wrong. Besides even if Derek wasn't thinking marriage yet, it didn't mean he was thinking that they were going to break up or anything. Meredith wasn't even sure they had been together long enough to think about marriage, she had no idea how it really worked.

"Earth to Mer..."

"Oh...sorry, sorry."

"If you're not careful, I'm going to develop a complex," Aaron laughed.

"Oh...don't," she shook her head. "I'm just...off today or something."

"Rough day?"

"Yeah...yeah, I guess."

"Need to talk about it?"

"Honestly, I'd rather not," she breathed.

"Okay," he nodded as his hand moved to her shoulder. "I'm here though."

"Thanks, Aaron," she breathed.

"No problem, Mer."

"I really appreciate it," she forced a smile.